I’m dealing with a close friend of over a decade I’ve recently set boundaries with, and now things feel off between us. She’s in a toxic relationship with a man who’s been in jail for 5 years (with 7 years left), and she’s extremely emotionally invested. Over the years it feels like she’s disconnected from reality, emotionally dumping on me a lot. I’ve become more self-aware on my own journey and have realised how draining it’s become. Honestly as time goes on I realise that we have less in common and it almost seems like she was mirroring me in how I showed up in the friendship, now I’ve removed myself from doing the heavy lifting there’s not much left to the friendship?
I’ve given her advice when she asks for it, but it seems like she doesn’t want solutions and she’s always in a victim mindset. After setting boundaries letting her know I’m not gonna be an enabler for her poor decisions, she seemed to accept them but since then I’ve noticed a major shift in our relationship.
She very transactional, lacks empathy and struggles to be happy for me or others (doesn’t even celebrate my small wins considering she’s seen me really struggle in the past). I always show up and support her but now her behaviour feels unhealthy and immature and it’s become clear she doesn’t consider how her actions affect others. She doesn’t have any children but I have a 4 y/o daughter who I’ve been raising alone and I don’t really think that she considers that I also have my own life. I don’t rely on others & have a very small circle of friends but my purpose isn’t to tend to anyone’s emotional turmoil.
I’m just wondering how to move forward. I know I need to keep my distance for my own peace especially with a holiday coming up in 2 weeks to celebrate my 30th we’ve already paid for. Also I find it hard at times to like mentally block people from my life, I’m an all or nothing kinda girl. I feel people’s energy lingers when you keep them in the background & that’s why detaching/cutting ties completely usually works best for me. Do I just continue distancing myself until after the holiday, or cut ties completely once we’re back? or do others have advice on how to handle situations like this? Any tips on how to navigate this going forward would be appreciated.