Ending relationship time

[morningworries]

I’m in a muddle. Need a hand hold really. Think I am coming to the end. Night after night after night just going round in circles. He’s irrational & it winds me up. What am I meant to do? I can’t carry on being unhappy but he is shrinking me. He’s rubbish at relationships & im tired of trying to keep him happy all the time, the thing that stops me is that I can’t bear to think of being apart. He’s so paranoid though and insecure.

arghg. Tell me I’m doing the right thing, please.

Get rid. There is nothing worse than the constant mind fuckery.

Hey, thank you. I feel starved of affection. It’s hard work.

I am trying to think about being happy without him, but I can’t see how to let go. Arggggg

What am I meant to do?

Stop doing whatever you're doing because it's not working.

im tired of trying to keep him happy all the time,

Then stop.

He’s so paranoid though and insecure.

Is that what you're doing each night? Discussing his insecurities. Refuse to do it.

You're stuck in an unhealthy dynamic that you're both contributing to. Step out of the loop.

I need to hear this, @Maitri108
He says he doesn’t trust that I would cheat, that it is possible - but I’ve never cheated on anyone! Ever! 😩 Every night turns into another round of Why I Don’t Cheat. It gets boring. I have tried to refuse to do it. Yes, should exert more self control. I get drawn in. He’s also so so negative about everything. Wtf why am I in this? I am finding it fare to let go, but everything suggests I should.

I see. Then break out of the loop.

"We've already discussed your insecurities and it doesn't go anywhere so I'm not discussing it. I'd really like you to get a counsellor or find another way of dealing with it."

"You come across as very unhappy because you are often negative. I'd really appreciate it if you'd work on it."

"I see you want to go over this again. I'm going to read my book."

Give him a couple of months to work on it and use that time to research single life.

Yes I’ve been thinking the same. Maybe give it longer & break the loop. There are other things too. We live in different countries & when I go back there (I have a house there) he says he doesn’t want me to have a car. Doesn’t like how I drive, he says. Ridiculous. I drive my kids here all the time. I want to stay over 1 night in a hotel after my arrival and suggested he comes to meet me but he’s making a fuss. He wants me to get on the bus & he will meet me at nearest town. Maybe I should compromise, but this car thing has upset me.

im just thinking things through really. He won’t do counselling but I am wondering if we can get out of this cycle.

He can say whatever he likes. You don't have to listen.

but I am wondering if we can get out of this cycle.

Of course you can, stop engaging with it. Put his insecurities back on his side, for him to deal with. Same with his negativity - that's his problem.