Lost what to do..Stay or Go?

[woodlandwonder1]

I am seeking advice. Please be kind.

I have been with my partner for 5 years now. We have 2 amazing kids together. I love having my own little family. Especially as I didn’t get that experience in my childhood.

Heres my problem:
my partner and I have been trying to save for a house for quite a few years now yet he has contributed literally nothing.
I am fortunate to have a good amount of savings from leaving school and have always been good at saving.
He on the other hand is opposite.
he is a self employed tradesmen and complains about customers not paying him or cost of work materials for jobs.

I have offered so much advice which he seems to ignore and there just doesn’t seem to be any improvement.

My concern is committing to a mortgage with someone who doesn’t seem to be financially stable ,then being dragged down with them.

On top of this he just seems to generally lack ambition/drive. Doesn’t have any real goals or plans for the future.
I can find him very immature with his approach when it comes down to serious things and so feel I carry the burden which has in turn made me resent him.

I feel I am very fast running out of steam now and to a point where I question my future with him.

Those who have had experience becoming single mums how has that transition been?

or those who have had similar experiences in a relationship, did things ever get better?

I don’t like the idea of us going our separate ways. I am fighting to make things work yet feel I am alone.

So you’ve been supporting him for quite a few years? I would definitely be leaving that situation.

what does he do when customers don’t pay him? Does he just let them off?! Also the increase in the cost of materials should be passed on to the customer and therefore shouldn’t affect him so why is he complaining? It affects all tradespeople not just him. Sorry but it sounds like he is either choosing to not contribute. Seriously, where is his money going?

I think you’d be better off and more secure buying a house and taking on a mortgage alone. Keep him as a pet boyfriend if you must, but make sure he is registered at his own address, not yours.

Buy a house in your own name and don't get into any financial entanglements with him.

Does he contribute to bills and the children? Your problem is that you're carrying him. You say he's immature and irresponsible. What's he like with the children?

He's very unlikely to change OP so I would drop the rope.

You aren't working towards a common goal with common commitments. One of the biggest things that causes a problem in relationships is money. Even if you are on different earnings you cannot have one saver and one spender. It will never ever work as your priorities are too different.

Keep your money separate. Look out for you and your children. Do not marry. This man is along for the ride, not for the long haul.

Edit - personally I would leave purely because this will only end in anger, frustration and resentment on both sides.

DO NOT have any joint financial arrangements with him ie joint mortgage. You will be totally trapped then, if you split he'll stop paying and you'll have to pay the lot in the meantime to save your credit rating. Do also be aware that as self employed he can 'hide' a lot, if not all, of his income when it comes to financial settlements/child support, so also don't rely on that. Keep ALL accounts separate, have a savings account he doesn't know about (online).

If in doubt, don’t share finances. Don’t do the mortgage jointly. Agree with previous poster, you will get trapped. In a few years, he has contributed nothing? That’s not a partnership.

There is still a gap between you getting a house alone & splitting up with him. He might have a wake-up call…