OLD - experiences?

[Holibobby]

My dating history has been shocking - narcissists, controlling and love bombing. Decided to give dating a year off. However, I’ve recently started dating again. I feel I am able to sift out the dodgy guys straight away - mainly through gut feelings - and I listen to my gut nowadays.

Ive just been on 2nd date with guy, first date went amazing, went out for drinks and ended up doing a long night out and then 2nd date went equally well - I didn’t want to drink alcohol as wanted to see if there was natural spark there.

I get the ick off near enough everyone but I surprisingly can’t find anything wrong with him. I know it’s still way too early days but he literally ticks every single box so surely there’s got to be a catch? Has anyone experienced this and they did turn out to be genuine or did they completley pull some wool over your eyes?

This can happen. However I'd say have a load more dates before you decide it's all good

It happened to me. He seemed too good to be true at first. It was true.

We've been happily married for 28 years, and he's been a great father and a lovely husband.

Yep!
I met my husband on Tinder 🤷🏻‍♀️😂

Like you, my relationship/dating history is basically a horror novel.
So after being single and a total clichè of “learning to love myself”, my best friend convinced me to give OLD a go. I was extremely skeptical, and had all the usual experiences: overtly sexual messages from the get go, unsolicited dick pics, the ones who lie about their age and are actually old enough to be my dad, the ones who lie about their age and could be my son…..all of it.
But I matched with DH and we chatted via the app for a couple of days before swapping numbers. Our schedules clashed a lot initially, and then he had a severe illness in the family which meant he had to return to his home country. We continued to chat via text and FaceTime calls while he was away. When he got home, we went on our first date - just out for dinner and a few drinks, but the conversation was effortless. I felt like I’d known him my whole life. We then went out again the following night and that date resulted in spending the night together….which was equally as wonderful as the conversation 😉🤣 Then his family member who’d been ill sadly passed away so he went back to his home country again for the funeral. Again, we stayed in almost constant contact during that trip. He came back and we continued dating.
A few years down the road, we are married and he’s the most wonderful stepfather to my children.

@MsNevermore Thank you for sharing :) I love a success story like that, you sound like you are very happy so happy to hear, especially as it’s only the rubbish OLD experiences you hear about.

Sounds positive and you’ve obviously got your head screwed on - just go with it and keep trusting your gut. I had horrific OLD experiences for a few years and then met my current partner who I’ve been with 4 years. Had no ick or bad gut instincts at all with him. Until recently…when I’ve clicked with things that aren’t right and am manoeuvring my way out. So my advice is, trust the gut, go with it, but never really let your guard down 😉 there’s plenty of good ones out there, so surely the odds have to work in favour sometimes? Good luck

I met my husband online, initially I wasn't interested I had a lot of walls! We have been together 4 years married 2 and a half now, it's all been good first relationship I have had that isn't toxic really.

Met my now husband online too, 16 years ago when OLD wasn’t so ubiquitous. He’s lovely. Take your time and see how it goes, he won’t be perfect, no one is, but you can allow yourself a little excitement after a couple of lovely dates!

I met my husband on plenty of fish, been together 13 years this year, married 7 with a 6 year old and a one year old!

I'd been on loads of dates though and would you believe it was going to deactivate my account the night he messaged me as I was fed up lol

I'd just not get ahead of yourself whilst also holding onto hope. Whether it's OLD or the real world, the process is the same that you are weeding out the trash and hoping to find someone real.

I thought I found someone decent (and this was IRL, not an app). There were lots of those "green flags", did those little things that no one had ever done before. We chatted for hours, felt like we'd known each other for ages as it was so comfortable. He seemed a good dad to his kid, stable job.
Due to busy schedules we chatted for about 2 weeks over the phone and messages until we had a date. After date 4 he started to talk about feeling that this could be an exclusive thing, and when talking about important events in the future there was this sense that he thought I'd be there with him. About 6 weeks or so after meeting for the first time he was suddenly ill so had to cancel date number 5 on me last minute. He was so apologetic, seemed to feel really bad. He hasn't read a message from me since and that was 5 months ago (I only sent 2 as it was clear he was ghosting)

Two of my nephews met their wives on Tinder - both are gloriously happy and have been for some years. One has SC courtesy of his wife, and the other has three children with his wife.

For context, DH and I met when you needed a dial up modem to access the internet. We met on match.com, which was so new at the time that it was free and there was no way to upload a picture. No one had a digital camera at that point.

So it was probably a different population doing OLD back then (more nerdy, iykwim). I saw his profile and asked him out. 😁

OP, it has only been two dates. I hope it all works out really well but it is very early stages. He might be great or could show a different self later on but don't overthink at this stage. Just enjoy each date as they come but I would hold off thinking too much about the future at this point.

@Freeflightwhat an arsehole! Better to find out now though rather than after investing months or years

@Userxyd Unfortunately, I think that’s just how dating is—and probably always has been, even before online dating came along. It really comes down to a numbers game. And he's not the only one I've had that level of bad experience with (one I met through a hobby and he lied about being married so that was pleasant)

These days, people don’t tend to date within their local circles anymore, where being an arsehole might actually come back to haunt you at the pub on a Friday night. Add mobile phones and social media into the mix, and I think it’s easier than ever to disconnect emotionally. That lack of connection makes ghosting a much more appealing option than simply being honest about not wanting to continue.

People on the dating scene can only keep putting themselves out there, have hope that the next person they meet is the right one, but also get emotionally stable enough to handle the alternative so it doesn't do them damage in the long run.

3 years of online dating post divorce. Had some absolute nightmares but I'm currently 15 months into a relationship, no red flags, taking it very slow, only see each other once a week or so, I'm really happy!

My daughter has done lots of online dating and has had loads of bad experiences with people not being genuine, lying about being single, etc.

Finally she has met a man who seems to decent and they’ve been dating a few months now. However, I urge you to be a bit cautious and not too open with your heart @Holibobby because it’s still very early days. With you lots of luck though.

Just to add with regard to pulling the wool over eyes, one man my daughter spent quite a few weekends with turned out to be in a long term relationship! He had no social media presence ( a bit of a red flag apparently amongst the young) but she was searching his name and eventually came across a post where he had been tagged in a photo with his girlfriend. God knows what lies he had told that girl to hide the fact he was unavailable for several weekends in a row. Plus constantly texting my daughter … must have been an accomplished liar.