Single Need Advice

[pinkmarshmallow7]

Hi.
I’m a 25 year old woman
I never had a relationship before. I don’t have any kids but I hope it’s okay for me to seek advice from here.

I started dating sometime last year
I used dating apps off and on. A few months ago I tried online dating again.
I’m currently on hinge and most of my encounters are with people that end up ghosting or the conversation is lackluster for example, I find myself asking most of questions and the other person doesn’t put in any effort to communicate, like they just end up talking about themselves but never ask me anything.

I am happy with my own company most of the time. I visit places like the movies, shopping malls, museums and other local events in my area but, I don’t want to spend the rest of my life being alone and doing everything alone. When I’m out I see couples all the time and I’m reminded that I’m still single. And sometimes I go through phases of loneliness.

I want a genuine relationship but I’m not sure how to find it.

I appreciate any advice
thanks.

Do you go out with friends or alone? Hobbies always seem a good way to meet a partner as then you'll have things in common. I've always avoided work place relationships in case it's awkward after a breakup.

Hi @pinkmarshmallow7
If at 25 you haven't had a single real relationship, it does raise a few questions for me.
It may have just been bad luck/ not meeting the right people. But have you asked yourself whether it could be something you're doing? Something in your communication style? A vibe you're giving off?

Do you have any close friends or relatives? How do you develop and maintain relatinoships with people in a non-romantic way?
Could you maybe ask your close friends why they think you're still single? Sometimes people see it, but are afraid to point it out because they don't want to hurt you.

@Girlmom35
Hi.
I try to ask engaging questions and thoughtful questions and I feel like that isn’t being reciprocated. I mentioned that I’m usually carrying the weight of the conversations and it seems that most people I match with don’t know how to communicate- it’s usually one word responses or they just end up talking about themselves.

I don’t have friends and I don’t want to take advice from my family because I don’t trust their judgment.
I’m naturally introverted and I never really had friends.
I wouldn’t mind having a few close friends but it’s not the focus point of my life right now and it’s not the main focus of this thread post. I’m not looking for non-romantic relationship right now, I want an intimate relationship with someone..
My lack of friendships doesn’t imply that I don’t know how to keep and maintain a healthy relationship either romantic or non-romantic- I am loyal, kind, creative, and introspective individual.

I believe my lack of finding love right now is probably because of the dating pool (I live in a city) and the culture of dating in my generation.

I think moving somewhere else and starting over would probably make sense for me.

I know you've said it isn't the main focus for you now, but I'd honestly start by making a few like-minded friends. It will extent your network and make meeting someone 'in real life's more likely. It also gets you a bit more used to spotting another introvert and breaking the ice. There are loads of places to meet other introverts. Off the top of my head, I'd say a WI with a young membership (there are more and more especially if you're in a city), board game cafe 'social' evenings, clubs (crafts, astronomical societies, book groups, whatever you're interested in), allotments etc. It might sound like hell if you prefer your own company, but when it's a couple of times a month, it might be easier to psych yourself up for?

I'm 37 and had several relationships in my life so far, I think maybe 5 longer-term ones and many more short term casual ones.

Last one ended ~7.5 years ago. Was quite a painful breakup due to a kid being involved, I decided I didn't want a relationship for a long time and still not sure about doing it again until the right person comes along. I have the same feelings of loneliness from time to time, but it gets easier as you get older and had a few relationships that turned out to be painful.

I'm typically an introverted person at heart, but I can be extroverted. Though most of the time I prefer to spend most time alone but I have been known to be able to get out from time to time in bigger groups and "be the life of the group" but I can't sustain it like some people can.

The experience I had with dating online was quite similar, you have to do a lot of doomscrolling and going through a lot of people before you find anyone who seems interesting enough to want to date and are able to articulate themselves decently enough to match my conversation style.

The relationships I found online didn't typically last that long though, but I had some really fulfilling relationships, though a few were very toxic.

The longest relationship I had was from seeing someone in meetup (app for finding likeminded people at events) and I liked them so I found them via the event I saw them at (RSVP list) and reached out via the app. That was the "last relationship" I meant above.

Relationships were you "become a couple" take time to develop over several dates. As I say, it takes a lot of either doomscrolling or chatting to a lot of people or looking in the right places to find that person.

A lot of the time it is just searching, looking, texting, dating several people before you find someone who seems worthwhile going further with. Try to be realistic with your expectations and try not to get too many hopes up. It really isn't easy

If you go to museums and so on, do you see anyone else who seems to like the same as you? Try making a joke to them and get chatting.

You could also try reddit, some subreddits might have people who are similarly introverted and like similar things as you.

Hi @caringcarer

I don’t have any friends. I’m naturally quiet and I’m more introverted. I usually go out alone.
I think I understand what you’re saying- I should probably incorporate a social setting along with my interests. My hobbies are more creative. I thought about taking an art class or volunteering with animals.

I mostly work now and I agree with what you said about not dating in the workplace.
I wish there was an easier way to meet people among my age group

One of my adult sons sounds like you. He loves animals and has 2 cats and moves into my home and looks after my dogs and cats when I'm on holiday. He's a bit shy with people he doesn't know but he has 4 really good friends from primary school and he went to cubs and scouts with the other one. He meets up with a combination of them once a week, which ever one's of them are free. They tend to go out for a meal, bowling or cinema or maybe a drink in a beer garden. He doesn't go clubbing and he works with mostly males so doesn't really meet women at work. I wish he'd meet someone special. He's a really good cook too and cooks at least 3 meals from scratch every week. I think his problem is he doesn't really go anywhere to meet people.

Would you consider joining a more modern church. They often have a lot going on for your age group and I know quite a few couples now married but who ‘started late’ through a church.

Btw I think an art class would be a good option to make female friends. But I’d be a lot more sceptical about finding a decent man. Especially your age.

“ThisPithyJoker · Today 14:38

I know you've said it isn't the main focus for you now, but I'd honestly start by making a few like-minded friends. It will extent your network and make meeting someone 'in real life's more likely. It also gets you a bit more used to spotting another introvert and breaking the ice. There are loads of places to meet other introverts. Off the top of my head, I'd say a WI with a young membership (there are more and more especially if you're in a city), board game cafe 'social' evenings, clubs (crafts, astronomical societies, book groups, whatever you're interested in), allotments etc. It might sound like hell if you prefer your own company, but when it's a couple of times a month, it might be easier to psych yourself up for?”

I agree with @ThisPithyJoker. You would be better off focussing on forming 1 or 2 ordinary friendships. If you don’t know how to maintain a platonic friendship, you will struggle to form healthy romantic relationships. It would put too much pressure on your partner if he is your only social outlet and it makes you vulnerable to choosing and staying with a romantic partner for the wrong reasons (ie because you don’t want to be alone rather than because you have a true bond). Your lack of practice socially may also reflect a bit in how you come across on dates.

This is all very fixable. You’re only 25. You’ve got plenty of time to make a few friends and then pursue romantic possibilities after that. Good luck, OP. You can make this work for you.

I would be very honest on your dating profile about who you are; all the things you’ve said on here about introversion etc. Hopefully the algorithm will match you with similar ( which it doesn’t sound like it is doing at the moment). And then you just need to be very active and positive and I’m sure someone suitable will emerge eventually for you, hopefully sooner rather than later. There will definitely be a male equivalent out there for you. I’m sure your persistence will pay off, but you may need to be patient and persistent for a while