So lonely

[Lostmymind11]

I've never felt so lonely in all my life than i do right now. Single for 2.5yrs, mid 30's with a primary aged child. Also spent last year battling cancer but thats another story. On the dating apps and have dated but i'm never good enough to be made a girlfriend and all the ghosting is really affecting me which is even worse since i've had cancer. I have 1 friend and i do work but once my son is asleep on a night i could cry with loneliness. I don't speak to anyone on a daily basis unless its someone off the dating apps. What do single parents do to help with the loneliness? I have my son full time so consistant childcare for me to be able to do things isn't an option

I'm so sorry your going through this my darling. I personally have given up on the apps there's alot of men who will say anything for sex online and explioit your vulnerabilities

Feel free to chat to me anytime 🙂.

I'm so sorry you are feeling lonely.

Are there any groups for parents/mum's etc etc book groups, walking groups, church groups or do you mean just wanting to meet a partner?

Good luck.

@Italiangreyhound there's no single parent groups that i know of but i could do a google search to see if there's one not too far from me. I would like to meet someone if i met someone decent but i don't think thats on the cards sadly as i've been burned too many times

What interests you? Can you find a hobby or something that would mean you could interact with others? Book club or crafting for instance, you could possibly find something online. Learn something new? Make your life more fulfilling and interesting, you might make one or two good friends along the way.

I understand exactly how you feel. I’ve spent this whole week alone and I have really struggled. The silence today has been deafening.

People will always suggest joining groups but I find there isn’t anything local for 30 year olds and most already have their own family and friend groups to focus on so they aren’t always open to making new friends.

I honestly don’t know what the answer is but you are not alone.

I know this isn’t what your asking, but there was another thread about brilliant advice from mumsnet and REAMS of people came in to say use ChatGPT / Claude / Gemini to talk to if they’re feeling crap. They find it soothing and it helps them see this from a different perspective and makes suggestions for them. I was stunned! But it might be worth a try? Can be a way to get your worries out.

I am so sorry to hear that you feel like this… I am always free to chat and you are not alone in how you feel.

I do this :-) it truly does help. I can wang on at Chat GPT about "why did this man do that, I'm so sad about it" without worrying it will get bored of me. Helps me get things out of my system and also reframe things.

Another thing I've noticed is that I feel so much worse about my love life if I'm generally lonely. After a rare meet-up with friends, I feel ten times more confident and fabulous. It only works with the right crowd, sadly - nervous chit-chat with school mums doesn't have the same effect. But the right kind of hobby group can work ok, if people are relaxed and open. Or even colleagues - is there the possibility to mix more during the working day? (Though steer clear of office flirtations! Last thing you need, messing with your head)

So hard for you as a lone parent, though - I understand that even a rare outing is near-impossible.

Loneliness is hard and definitely something people don't understand unless they go through it.
Do you like things like reading, movies, are there any online clubs that you can do over zoom/teams etc. I think adult conversation makes a massive difference.

I've been single for over 2 years and havent really managed more than a couple dates, but I do have some friendship groups who I can see (although free time doesn't always align) and I work in an office so go in every day so that at least I speak to another adult each day even if I can be alone in the evenings when I don't have my kids.

Just keep going, it's hard, but one day things will feel a little better.

I’m really sorry to read your message, OP. That sounds really difficult. I am just going through a break up but I’m able to get out and about and do different things so, although I feel lonely and I miss my ex partner, I am able to go out and keep busy. I have just signed up for Claude though at the advice of brilliant Mumsnetters and had a great chat with him! I was amazed at how good the replies were.

Do you know any mums who would babysit for you from time to time so you could go out? Or do you have any family members who could help? If not, could you invite friends over to your house for pizza nights etc?

I think you would be better off looking for female friendships. My friends have provided more love, laughs and understanding than DH.
give up on dating apps, I’ve never heard of a happy ending in real life.

Maybe set up a mums night via the class WhatsApp? Don’t assume that married women aren’t lonely!

It doesn't sound like you need a boyfriend at present. Most people here are really nice so you can chat but in RL perhaps a local church for community? You don't have to to be highly religious to join

I want to send hugs & say I’m sorry,m. Loneliness is the pits. The others have given good suggestions. Hang on in there. I hope you find a fulfilling social life & that it leads to the other stuff. Nobody should feel starved of affection.

I think using dating apps for company, especially when you’re feeling so vulnerable, is a really bad idea. I would jettison daring entirely for now and focus on growing a social network that may help grow friendships. Might there be a cancer survivors group? Or if there’s an activity you really enjoy that feeds your sense of fun and self-worth, worth paying for a regular babysitter ?

Agree with the others. Dating apps can be hard work & not much help when you’re feeling delicate. It’s a tough world out there & dating can also be expensive with little in the way of returns. I like the others’ suggestions of concentrating on other social connections. Trying to think how I met my closest friends… mostly through my kids, work, or activities. I went to a local art group & saw the same faces & we chatted. Anything going on in your area?

Is there the meet up app in your area? What sort of area of the country are you in? X

Ah, I'm so sorry OP. I get you. Also a single mum here and at times I've thought of taking up the offer of my horrible ex husband and getting back with him because I feel lonely. I haven't done it though and I know I never will!

I'm throwing myself into my career and trying to make as much money as I can at the moment. It is not everyone's cup of tea but gives me a purpose and satisfaction.

I'm not sure I can face the dating pool so am actively avoiding it for as long as possible.

I might get a pet too!

https://www.facebook.com/share/g/1DRPTApeZR/?mibextid=wwXIfr

I’ve shared a Facebook group link for you.
It’s called TTS, there are several subgroups for certain areas of the UK.
It’s essentially a group for people to meet up who might not necessarily have a partner or friendship group.
They organise hikes and days out etc.
Some people share that they’re going travelling abroad by themselves and somebody else will join them or meet them out there.

A work colleague introduced me to them when I was single, we went on hikes, paddle boarding, all sorts. I didn’t know any of them and it was a big step for me to randomly turn up to something by myself.

There is a group called Spice in a good number of towns. Lots of events are covered.

I agree

try church on weekends to build your community connections

Hi, I have been a single parent with no childcare for many years and I entirely understand what you are saying. I think a lot of the advice to get out and do things is difficult unless you can secure the childcare first.
If you start seeing someone, you are in the position that you potentially have to introduce them to your DC way too early if you don’t have childcare and as others have said, I think you are vulnerable to predatory men and to emotional hurt. So I agree with the sort the social circle first advice but it needs to be doable with the childcare constraints. This is very, very hard and not something I really managed for many years and am at the point of trying to work out now my DC are older.

i did make online friends via MN who I also met up with in real life (this might be harder if the private messaging is still disabled), I took my DC swimming and out and about, I always had domestic stuff to do in the evenings, but it was difficult to meet actual real people unless I took time out my working day (and the extent I can do that is limited).

I suppose in your position if I could secure some childcare, I would start with a weekly class or something to have routine and get out of the house. Then I might look for events to go to. But I agree with the advice to make female friends first. I say that, but I have signed up for a speed dating event just to go to a cocktail bar so 🤷🏻‍♀️ I hear what you are saying.