Me and DH are having a rough time and when I try to talk about things or explain why something upsets or me or explain my reasons for being angry DH just dismisses it or says it didn’t happen or that he doesn’t remember any of it. So a few examples:
There was an incident where his friends kids damaged stuff in our house and told me to fuck off when I asked them to stop. I told him this at the time but he just said “it was only stuff”. This really upset me at the time because I was very upset that he didn’t have my back. It left a vivid impression on me and I still feel upset by his response to it. But when I brought this up recently he just said that those kids wouldn’t have done that. So is this calling me a liar. Or is this gaslighting? Or is this all just semantics and he’s just a massive twat?
And another time I said I didn’t want this friend and his kid to come round anymore. Partly because of the kids behaviour, partly because of how much DH and his friend were drinking when they came round. And in response to that he got angry said I couldn’t have one of my close friends round. So my friend hasn’t been round since. But when I said that to DH this week he denied it at said he would never say that. But again this is something that obviously upset me and has had a big impact on me and I haven’t had my friend round because I didn’t want to cause trouble and why would I do that for no reason? He says that I stopped him seeing his friend but that isn’t true because they still go drinking every few weeks just not in my house or around kids.
He says I am always in a bad mood and it makes life stressful for him but I don’t think I am always in a bad mood. Sometimes I am and I do have a temper and I hate myself when I shout at the kids but I try not to do it and I think I do it less than he does. But again when he says that I’m always in a bad mood it trivialises my feelings. Like me being in a bad mood because I’ve been on my own with the kids all day while he’s done nothing to help so I am stressed and tired then somehow all comes back in me for being a bad person who is always grumpy and miserable and making him stressed.
So is this gaslighting or just someone being stubborn and unwilling to see my point of view? Or does it even matter if it has a name because it all makes me feel like shit? And what do I even do about it anyway? Feeling vulnerable right now so please don’t be too harsh with me.