How do I leave?

[redsonicblue]

I’ve made the decision to leave. I’m 32 and don’t want to be miserable my whole life. Together 10 years, married 6 with two children.

Privately rent, so no house to sell. He is refusing to move out because I’m the one “choosing to split the family up”.

will the council help the kids and I if we’re essentially going to be homeless? Or will they feel it my choice?? I’m also looking to view private tenancies but need to stay near schools!

deem it to be my choice*

Anyone?? I’m going to have to start completely over as he’s said he will be keeping everything. Furniture etc. I have nothing.

The council won't view it as making yourself homeless. However different councils have different criteria, most councils will have the criteria set out somewhere on their website. With mine for example, if you earn over a certain amount, you aren't eligible to apply.

Where you get placed in terms of priority also varies. Again with mine, if its just a case of relationship has broke down then you aren't much of a priority, you also aren't if you earn a full time wage as you're viewed as being able to house yourself through private renting. You become more of a priority if fleeing domestic violence, have medical needs requiring specific housing, low or no income. As someone fleeing violence and high priority you can still spend a long time in hostels waiting on the list, so as someone looking for housing just because of a relationship breaking down, you could be waiting years before you are offered something.

Alot to think about @redsonicblue sympathies, I've done this.
Start today.
This weekend you can go online

Entitledto.co.uk (the benefits calculator) Universal Credit has a payment advance option. Choose 2 months rent cost.

Make sure you are receiving the child benefit to your own bank account
Google 'rent 2 bed property near me'

Google furniture charities. Price up double bed for the kids and a single for you. A fridge freezer, microwave, kettle, toaster. A settee a pack of cutlery and a dinner set. 2 duvets and 3 pillows
Collect free boxes from supermarkets.

To claim UC you must be separate within the house. No shared cooking or shopping or days out or washing laundry or watching tv together or anything. If you slip up, he could stop your claim out of spite. Avoid him like a weird housemate.

When you say private rent, is this through an agency? You passed checks there. Start with them. Nearest to the school first.
I really couldn't say if your council would consider housing you. I would guess not.
Move out of the marital bedroom today. Bunk up with a dc or airmattress on dc bedroom floor.
Start packing clothes in suitcases. Slide them under the dc bed. Spare mugs and glasses in boxes. Pictures, gifts and ornaments, same. Spare sheets and towels.

What support do you have IRL? Can a friend or family member store each box you pack?

If there is nobody to loan you money for furniture, then you will do it the student way. Sit on a mattress, box for a table, sheets up at the window for curtains. Wash clothes in the sink. Tough and temporary.

I am going to guess he is hostile and trying to pretend the break up isn't happening. I had that. I had threats, emotional blackmail, lies told about me, he disappeared for hours at a time so I couldn't go out, any money was all HIS money and on and on. None of it makes any difference. You are leaving.
You don't even need to start divorce yet.
But do start with getting out of that marital bedroom.

Forgot to add, it isn't just a wage that's taken into account with my council. They also include benefits, so if your benefits total a certain amount they won't consider you. Your best bet to start with would be to find your local councils criteria for housing

Thank you - this is really helpful. I don’t know if I qualify for UC but will check entitledto. I take home 38k approx but only work 4 days a week so there are people far, far worse off than me but the rents are crazy so it’ll be tough forking out for furniture etc on top. He is back and forth between begging me to not go and then being horrid telling me he never wants to see me again other than for the kids.

nothing specific has happened, I just can’t live with him anymore. No conversations. No affection. No help around the house. I hate the person he has turned me into - I am constantly in a bad mood because I so so so so miserable. I hate my life so much.

He can’t “keep everything”, they are shared assets. Are there any savings, pensions etc to consider? You can usually get 30 mins free legal advice from most solicitors. Well done. Life is too short to be miserable. You’ll get through it.

Can you stay where you are for a few months to give you time to save up? You need a deposit and a month's rent up front plus money for basic furniture unless you find somewhere furnished. If you have to buy furniture, you can get most of it from charity shops, free stuff on Facebook, Freecyle, etc.

Actually, fuck him! Take the furniture when he's at work! You don't have to take it all, just the stuff you really need.

Book a van or ask a friend to help and move out when he is at work. Take as much as you can.

I’m ok for a deposit. We have a small amount of savings which happen to be in my own account. I don’t think I have it it me to use that though as it’s come from what I’ve been putting aside from joint wages. I did get a 2k bonus this month which will obviously be taxed - but that’s mine. And I'm keeping it.

Aren't your savings a marital asset?

If he is keeping the funiture.
You keep all monies.
This is about a new home for your children.
Don't be foolish.
You will regret it.
Keep all money FOR YOUR CHILDREN.

If he’s insisting on staying put and keeping the furniture you should just go and take all the cash.

Absolutely keep your bonus since he's keeping the furniture, the twat.