How do you balance sexual freedom with cultural and social judgment?

[Yash56]

I'm someone who feels a strong need for physical intimacy but also comes from a cultural background where casual sex is heavily judged — even by friends who live abroad and seem progressive otherwise. I feel like my desires are natural, yet I constantly fear being labeled or shamed.

How do others in similar situations manage this tension? Do you find a way to fulfill your desires while maintaining your social respect, or do you just stop caring about the judgment?

Personally I don’t care. But this isn’t true of everyone. What’s important to you?

I don’t think I see the correlation between “strong desire for physical intimacy” and strictly casual sex?

Humans biologically have a desire for physical intimacy, we are literally wired to procreate, but you can fulfil those needs with a partner as most people do.

If you want casual sex then you want casual sex, but that’s not because of a strong desire for physical intimacy, you just like having no strings attached sex with different people.

In my youth, I would do whatever I wanted, with whoever I wanted, whenever I wanted. I would however be discreet about it. People don't need to know who your fucking. I kept my sex life personal. I also didn't really do social media. I grow up it a very misogynistic environment with very strict parents. I didn't restrict myself but I did restrict the information I gave other people.

It sounds like you equate sex with a physical need like eating or going to the loo and are not bothered about an emotional connection with another person. So they could be anyone, as long as they serve your needs? I'm sure you'll find there are heaps of like-minded people on Tinder/Grindr/whatever. I find your whinge about not being able to just shag and run without being judged a bit rich.

They can't judge if they don't know. It's none of their business so don't tell them?

Came here to say just this

Experience physical intimacy with whomever and whenever you like, nobody can judge if they don’t know. Also, it would be strange of them to be so invested that they care.

I agree. They can't judge what they don't know.

However, it's not just that you don't want them to judge. it's also that you care about their judgement.
That's a you-problem. People can have any opinion or judgement they want about you. The fact that you seem to want their approval, that's something you can control however.

Do you know where your need for approval stems from? Were you raised in a family where love and approval was conditional?

Judgemental, dismissive AND bitchy. 👏

@Yash56 what has cultural background got to do with your inner feelings….desiring physical intimacy is normal and ofc exciting…so why suppress it as u think it’s wrong for you to feel this way? Yiur friends you say are progressive but don’t have physical desires? You’d be surprised that they do to…so don’t worry about what others may think or feel…it’s your body and if it desires pleasure then go for it….

I had a lot of sexual partners before settling down with the man I married (now divorced, but that's another story!).
No-one judged, as I didn't discuss it openly/freely, as I just didn't feel that my sex life was anyone else's business.
I actually feel that it is me who has judged my younger self, rather than anyone else.

It sounds like your conflict is because you judge yourself by your cultural beliefs/standards. You need to decide how much you buy in to those and what it is you actually think about casual sex. Unless you are able to view yourself without judgement you’ll never feel comfortable acting on your desires regardless of others.

LOL, guilty as charged! 😂

How do I manage the tension? I completely ignore it. Other people’s opinions are none of my business. 😊

Also this. Why tell judgemental people about your sex life? If you must talk about it do so with like-minded friends. I have a friend who is very promiscuous indeed (sex parties, threesomes, gang bangs, multiple fuck buddies etc.) and I’m one of only a handful of people who know anything about this side of her life. To everyone else she is just a 40 year-old with a very senior job in Finance who likes exercise & fitness and classical music.

I think "don't ask, don't tell" is a pretty good philosophy to live by when it comes to casual sex.

Do what you want, but be discreet and stay safe.

If you want to explore, just go on dates, meet people. Take things slowly.

I don't think any society is permissive enough so it genuinely approves of casual sex even if its out there in popular culture - especially if you're a younger woman or from a non-western background.

That stuff you see on "Sex and the City" or "Bridget Jones" with people talking about orgasms and sex and dating loads....most people don't live like that.

and if you act like that in mainstream life you'll get a lot of judgement (especially from other women) and people will think you're mentally vulnerable and married men will sexually harass you.

The UK isn't that advanced.

This. People from conservative cultural backgrounds tend to marry young in order to fulfill their sexual desires. But if you are talking about shagging around, then that’s something different.

My sex life isn’t anyone’s business whether I’m single or not. Why are you sharing the information that people can then judge you on? @Yash56

I just don’t care I’ve slept with over 100 and my husbands number is a lot higher. Anyone that judges is not the right person to be with!