AITA - my partner and I have been together for just over 4yrs. We had issues with him going out, phone going off and only contacting me the next day, OR coming home accusing me of all sorts (once he told me I had a 'toy' in me that was being remote controlled by another man somewhere). Issues resolved, all fine. Fast forward about a year later, everything's been great,i would like another baby & talk to him about it. We go for it. Find out she's a girl, he's always wanted a daughter. Plan was for him to work away 11 days away and 3 home, to get some money behind us for the baby and for me to be able to go back to work. These 2/3 months has turned into 8/9. I had to fight hard for him to come home the end of the year (I was being selfish for preventing him from his rich future). He says now he will leave at end of year. Multiple occasions he's gone out for a whole one/two days on his 3 days off and blown off plans with me. He hardly helps with baby when he is home, 7 months i've done it alone. But if I mention it, it's my fault somehow. I said I was tired once and he completely went off. Said I didn't know what tired meant, and I've got an easy life and all I have to do is look after a baby. I was borderline post natal depression, and he told me that 'my only job is to look after the baby and I'm still effing miserable'. It's gotten to the point I'm exhausted and unable to claim because of his wage and can't work nights because there's no one home at night. I have to call him if I need money for dog food or baby formula because my maternity gets sucked by my bills. but going from being independent in that sense and having always been working and able to financially support myself to having to ask for everything I need is getting to me. He had a go because I asked him to have the baby for 20 minutes so I could have a little time to myself before he had a shift at 2pm, and 12 days off after. I feel so deflated but he has a way of making me feel like I'm being unreasonable. A month or two ago, he subtly dropped in a conversation about a rugby tour to Spain. I asked what? You never told me. apparently he did. I know you guys don't know me, but this isn't something I would forget. I found out about a week's holiday/rugby tour to Spain when it was booked AND paid off. Im a bit upset he didn't feel it was something to mention to me but I would never stop him from experiencing that with his child. But when he flew yesterday, he let it slip that he was one of the few men that were there without their partners and honestly, I can't explain why but this has hurt me in a way that he never has. Did I even pop into his mind when this was being sorted out? I mentioned it and I've been told I'm silly. And he's just communicating by sending videos. One last night was them all in a bar doing games and all I could see was women with their partners. He painted it as a father/son thing (which would have been FINE) when it's all family. His son is 16 so obviously don't see him constantly but have a good relationship with him otherwise. My feelings for him are slowly dying, but every time I voice my feelings, I'm a horrible person. is it that we just both have a different idea of the relationship we want? I want a loving partner to spend my evenings with with my daughter. But he said to me once 'im out here working & all you want is a cuddle in the evenings it's pissing me off'. I just want to reiterate that when we got together, the possibility of him working away was mentioned, but I was always told it would be a couple of months at a time.. and we sat down and agreed for him to come home when baby was a couple of months old. He's changed into a completely different man, and I've voiced my feelings so many times. Broken down so many times. And it always ends in me ruining his future or his favourite quote 'giving him stress'. Why am I struggling so hard to leave? Is it because I AM the bad guy here? I dont feel like I am, but hearing it so many times I don't know if the thought of it is creeping in. I've had proof of the different man he is so many times, why am I stop hoping he will come back?