Hi everyone!
My mum has been in a relationship for around a year, with a nice and caring man, 10 years older and retired (she’s still working).
He’s originally from a city around 3 hours away from us.
After a frightening health scare for my mum (around 4 months into the relationship), her boyfriend has basically moved into her apartment. He’s always there, even when she’s working, and now they come as a package, they are basically doing everything together. If I go for a coffee with my mum he tags along, if we’re doing any activity with my toddler he’s there, if I go for lunch at my mum’s, well you got that.
For context, I work just downstairs from my mum, and her apartment is our family apartment, where my sister and I lived our whole lives (I moved out, my little sister lives in another city, but still deems that as her house when she’s back - she’s a teacher and will be home for the whole summer).
The boyfriend is a really nice man, he does whatever he can to be liked by us, I really can’t say a bad thing about him.
I don’t want to sound like a jerk, but I reduced lunches at my mum’s, and we don’t see each other as much because…I can’t stand his constant presence. There’s no way I can tell my mum something, even private or personal, without him being there, my son cannot spend some time with this grandma alone, is always granny&…
Again, he’s a lovely person, calm, phlegmatic, wants to talk (about anything, and also in situations where you’re busy doing something else or in a hurry), does a lot of diy in the house.
I talked to my sister and she feels the same way- every time my mum calls (every day), she’s on the speakerphone, he overhears the conversation and intervenes.
We both agree that this level of attachment is a bit weird.
Now, there’s an activity I’d like to take my son to for the next bank holiday. My mum overheard while I was telling this to my sister, and she’s pushing to come too. Well, obviously not alone.
How do I tell her, without offending her, that I want to go alone with my son? I feel like telling her anything about her partner will not end up well, they’re basically in a phase where they’re love bombing each other!
I hope I don’t come out of this as a horrible person - I love my mum and I’m happy she’s with a person she loves, it’s just that this is her partner, not mine, so I feel I shouldn’t be forced to deal with him every time my mum is involved!
Thank you so much!