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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Feeling let down

10 replies

sweetstufflonndon · 24/04/2025 06:13

I don’t live with my partner—he’s about 1.5 hours away (on a good run). I’ve been dealing with low-level pain for the past week. I have endometriosis, so that’s nothing unusual. But yesterday, the pain became so acute that I ended up going to A&E.

I tried calling my partner, but he was busy, and by the time he called back, I couldn’t answer. After the assessments, blood tests, and a scan, I messaged him to let him know I was in hospital. I told him the pain had gotten so bad I needed to get it checked out, and that they’d diagnosed a ruptured ovarian cyst and an infection. I reassured him that I was okay, just under observation for a while, and said I’d be allowed to go home later. I also said I’d call him as soon as I could.

His reply was something along the lines of, “Oh, that’s terrible, etc. Please call someone else to help because I’d be a few hours. Does anyone know you’re there? What have they said?” And to be clear—I didn’t necessarily need him to come. But what hurt was that his first instinct was to tell me to call someone else. He didn’t even offer. That’s what really got to me.

Later, when I was finally home around 10 p.m., I mentioned how I felt. He said, “Okay, I’ll come now, but I’ll probably fall asleep at the wheel… I’m setting off now.” Then he disappeared for 15 minutes, didn’t answer his phone, and I felt this rising anxiety thinking he’d already left and was on the road exhausted and would have an accident. Eventually he picked up and I told him not to drive..

Im being over sensitive aren’t I?

OP posts:
sweetstufflonndon · 24/04/2025 06:17

He did follow it up with ‘you said you were fine’ and if you were absolutely unable to get home I would have come

OP posts:
Notenoughcoffe · 24/04/2025 06:57

He is not a good partner. Take Care of your self 🌺

CaptainFuture · 24/04/2025 07:07

His reply was something along the lines of, “Oh, that’s terrible, etc. Please call someone else to help because I’d be a few hours. Does anyone know you’re there? What have they said?
I'd have taken that more as 'don't be alone! Who's about who can help you'
He would have unlikely been able to sit in A&E with you anyway, and an 1.5 hr drive at 10pm at night after I assume a day at work would be dangerous.
I'd have thought if you'd been waiting in hospital for hours, all you'd want to do when home would be sleep?
Can he get emergency leave from work today?

Userfriendly20 · 24/04/2025 07:40

Not a good partner. If that had been me I’d have been there in a shot. Or if I really really couldn’t make it I would have worded it a lot better than that.

LoveSeptember · 24/04/2025 07:46

Saying he was leaving now but would probably fall asleep at the wheel, then disappearing! That's incredibly manipulative snd designed to make you worry and o punish you. The rest I could possibly put down to being a bit rubbish, not realising how poorly you were. But that last bit, just no. He's not a nice person.

Girlmom35 · 24/04/2025 08:31

The first bit still had me giving him the benefit of the doubt. He may have been stuck doing something he couldn't get out of and wanted to make sure you were taken care of.
But the fact that he hadn't come over to see you afterwards, and then the manipulative comment about falling asleep behind the wheel, well there's no excuse for that.
How long have you been together?

sweetstufflonndon · 24/04/2025 09:04

@Girlmom35 we’ve been together for 2 years. I called him at 6pm, he calked me back at 7 when he was home - but I couldn’t answer. At around 8 I told him what had happened and about my diagnosis. He wasn’t stuck, he was doing his laundry initially but to be fair he didn’t know I was in A&E until 8pm when I messaged him.

OP posts:
sweetstufflonndon · 24/04/2025 09:10

@CaptainFuture no it was 8pm when I told him xx

OP posts:
RedHelenB · 24/04/2025 09:15

CaptainFuture · 24/04/2025 07:07

His reply was something along the lines of, “Oh, that’s terrible, etc. Please call someone else to help because I’d be a few hours. Does anyone know you’re there? What have they said?
I'd have taken that more as 'don't be alone! Who's about who can help you'
He would have unlikely been able to sit in A&E with you anyway, and an 1.5 hr drive at 10pm at night after I assume a day at work would be dangerous.
I'd have thought if you'd been waiting in hospital for hours, all you'd want to do when home would be sleep?
Can he get emergency leave from work today?

This.

MarkingBad · 24/04/2025 09:22

He could have been with you by 10pm but string it out until it was too late.

He is either one of those people who panic when someone says hospital and refuses to go or he couldn't give a shit.

I'd opt for the former if you want to give him a chance, it's not uncommon for people to stick their head in the sand over illness. However this needs further discussion between you imo. It's also not uncommon for lovely DP S to skiddadle over illness too. Definitely look for a pattern here.

I hope you get better soon OP what an awful thing to happen to you.

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