Leaving my messages unread - am I being precious

[Shatteredmum88]

Hello all!
this might make me sound precious but been feeling a bit insecure shall we say lol
my husband and I have been together 8 years and married 6. We have 2 kids, one being only 11 months. I’m still on maternity gearing up to go back to work and my husband does have a demanding job which he is working towards a promotion. Saying that he doesn’t work every hour under the sun and has a decent work life balance.

he has started to leave all my messages unread. These might just be pretty mundane message re the house and kids etc but he never reads my messages.
will only respond when I ask a question. Of course when we first started dating we messsged all the time joking, chatty and even a few naughty ones lol

I feel like he can’t even be bother to aknowledge that’s he’s seen my messages and I’m very low down on the pecking order.
he’s always on his phone and even caught him creating a AI image of a dominatrix tiger to send to his mate for a joke.

am I being a bit pathetic for feeling a bit rubbish? I’d completely take it on the chin if I am !! Thanks in advance

No. That would make me feel a bit down too, that is if he is on his phone all the time, he has time to send a message to say, Busy, love you and cant wait to see you lot, speak in a jiffy

I mean, what is he like at home?

Is he loving, or on his phone, and are you fending for yourself a lot of the time. Kids and all on you?

Also, some may say that its needy behavior, but I would say us mums who are at home wrapped up in home, kids and all, its the acknowledgement, the little things that make things just a little happier.

@Anyonefoundmysparesocki mean he’s ok at home. We do sleep in seperate bedrooms Becuse of the baby and snoring. Have talking about moving back in.
i used to jump at the chance but he’s knocked me back so many times over the years so I’ve just been happy to sleep seperately as I’ve had over a year of disturbed sleep being pregnant and then breastfeeding a baby.
he’s tried to be affectionate sometimes so it’s not like he’s not.
I don’t even need him to respond to messsges lol but the whole point in having the read receipts on is to let other know you’ve read it right?
but you’re prob right, just me at home with kids all day and not much going on and looking into things.

does make me feel a bit shit sometimes as I do feel like having kids has made my world feel very small lol sometimes I mention things that have happened that day and he says Jesus that’s a boring story.
and he just talks my ear off about his job and politics lol

Oof OP! I really feel for you. So right now your world is very small and inward looking and it’s totally understandable you want to sort of stay connected with him during the day. Even if he doesn’t have time to reply, it takes no time at all to send one of those ultra fast new response emojis like a heart or thumbs up. It’s also very sad he makes you feel insignificant when he describes your updates of your day as ‘boring’. Do you think it’s worth mentioning how isolated you feel all day with no adult company and you’d appreciate it if he just sent yiu even a quick emoji to acknowledge he’s read your messages as to not do so it’s like once he’s at work you don’t even exist! Ask him to imagine if roles were reversed, being a a SAHM when you have very young kids is more challenging than possibly he realises giving him the benefit of the doubt and it’s partly because of the work you’re doing he even stands a chance at having the promotion he’s working towards ♥️

@MoominMaithanks for your response!

i have mentioned it in a jokey way. Ah I’m just left “unread” and mentioned it a couple of times and he just dismissed it. Said that he sees my messages pop down so he’s read them.

what’s annoying is that I thought ok fine, I’ll just chill and maybe not rush to messsge him back. (Sounds really petty and maybe I am) but I thought let me see how he feels when I do it . Baring in mind the only time I get to myself is when the kids are In bed at night and he’s out with clients etc so from 8- bedtime (lol 9.30) is the only time I get to tidy up and maybe watch something for 30 mins. If I can be bothered to try and pick something.
he’s on his way home and decides that’s he’s going to message. He will send a few messages that don’t need a response (so I don’t ) and it obvs annoys him as he always follows up with a question after a while. God forbid I didn’t respond to him . But by asking a question he knows that it would be weird if I just ignored him. I dunno I’m being petty I’m sure.
he’s just done it again tonight which is why I sounds frustrated lol
I have told him that my world feels small and if someday my stories involve what sandwich I ate that day it’s because it was one of the more interesting details about the day lol mother of the year!
kidding! I love my kids and love being with them, wouldn’t change it but not much back and forth with a baby

does make me feel a bit shit sometimes as I do feel like having kids has made my world feel very small lol sometimes I mention things that have happened that day and he says Jesus that’s a boring story.
and he just talks my ear off about his job and politics lol

Don't say ‘lol’. This isn’t funny. He’s treating you very poorly indeed. He is incredibly rude to you, not to mention a total fucking hypocrite as he bangs on about his Important Job.

Coupled with him always being on his phone, sleeping in separate rooms and rejecting you sexually, it sounds utterly heartbreaking and demoralising @Shatteredmum88.

1.Stop texting him unless it is question about sometging essential (lile we are waiting gor you for an hour did you forget to pick us up)
2.When and if he mentions it just say you are busy
3.Once he starts texting you first get back to flirty banter

Some men really do not lile stories about babies shit and eating habits. I am mum and I do not want to hear about it unless it is an emergency

I leave all messages on unread until I want to respond to them. Otherwise, I just never will. They get lost.

That said, are you messaging while he is working or out with clients in the evening? And about what sandwich you ate? Because while Dh is at work, I wouldn’t expect him to respond to any messages except urgent ones, like if a pipe burst or a child was going to A&E. It’s nice if he does, but when I’m working, I certainly don’t want to hear about his lunch or what he is doing on his day off.

@mindutopiaim not messaging him about my sandwich lol it might just be chit chat whilst im loading the dishwasher.

my point is that’s it’s a new thing.
it might just be a message to say “baby just stirred, be careful when walking up stairs”
“picked up your prescription” “need to get present for your brothers bday”
“we need to add x job onto electrician list”
but he used to always just read them and that’s it.
now I wonder. Has he seen it. Why am I (the wife and mother the his children) just piled in the list of unread lol
I’ll be in archived next!!
im not expecting him to respond and I certainly don’t send him endless messsges.

He was creating a AI image of a dominatrix tiger to send to his mate for a joke.
What age is he OP?
You are married. You took vows together. He is supposed to be your life partner.
Does he understand what marriage and parenthood means?

How often is he out with clients, OP? And btw what he says about “boring stories” - that would totally puncture my confidence, if I knew my partner would respond like that to something that happened in my day. I won’t swear but I’d really … like to.

He is devaluing you. I know it’s difficult with small children but find a time to invest into yourself- self care, self improvement, new hobbies, anything .. make your world bigger yourself

It sounds rude, but you say that you don't mind if he doesn't respond, does that mean you're sending pointless messages? Also, he might have notifications showing which means he has read them. I think you should just talk to him as it sounds like other issues are there too

Those a short messages - he will be able to read them from not notification, so why does he need to open the message if he's not going to reply.

They also are boring messages, if you were messaging me stuff like that throughout the day while it I was work it would annoy me - all of them can wait for him to come home for you to tell him, there is no need to be texting them.

Do you go out and meet friends / get out of the house at least once during the day while you're at home? If not I would start there, focus on what you can do to not make your world feel so small.

Yeah I agree with above poster, those examples of messages are pointless chatter. You sound bored and are seeking out attention to relieve that. Maybe consider a hobby or baby group? Make sure you are getting out of the house daily and that you also have some alone time away from the kids to see friends etc.

My husband is like this too OP, except that he hasn’t actually responded to a message of mine since 28th March.

The people on here telling the op she's sending boring messages are just as bad as her husband.

So he tells you face to face your stories are boring. Sleeps in a separate room and rejects you sexually? He sounds awful. No wonder you feel so low.

What's he like as a dad? Does he pull his weight or is it all left up to you?

Also he's out all day doing his very important job and socialising. You're stuck at home doing all the shit work. How captivating does he expect your conversation to be? Do you get any time to yourself at all?

Ooh, I do this, it drives DP up the wall!

I have read the message, I've just read it in the notification and so not needed to open the app. Obviously if it's anything that needs a response then I'll go into the app and reply, but otherwise it can't be days and as far as DPs phone is concerned I'm ignoring her.

If he says your stories are boring, remind him that’s what you have to deal with day in, day out and maybe he’d like to swap so you could go out and have banter with workmates and he could deal with it instead. Otherwise, the lest he could do is take a bit of notice of his kids.

When he blathers on about his job, tell him “Jesus, that’s a boring story” or, my favourite, “aww what a lovely story” said very patronisingly.

You need to have a proper conversation with him about this - this is the small stuff that destroys relationships. You don’t sound particularly close.

Honestly, if DH text me stuff like this then I’d probably ignore him too.

It’s a mixed crowd lol

hes Not a terrible guy but can be a bit rude and dismissive.
point taken on poss getting out (minus kids) for time to myself and actually might have something to talk about or even just not feel like I’m trying to connect with him for no reason in the day.

I do think he’s a bit rude tho. If it was the other way around I’d never word it like that.
I don’t particularly find his job interesting but I made an efffort to at least seem interested.

I guess my point With the so called pointless messages is that we don’t have much chit chat tine.
it’s not like we are chatting when we wake in the morning in bed and same goes for when we go to sleep. It’s seperate.
he’s out all day whilst I’m looking after baby and on the school run. When he’ gets back he doesn’t really want to chat, just wants to watch something and then go to bed.
couples do have mundane things to go over and we don’t get much FaceTime which is why I guess I send messages.

He sounds awful, OP. Your partner, the father of your children, should be someone who makes you feel good about yourself, not insecure and rubbish. Telling you your stories are boring is such an awful thing to say, no wonder you feel crap. You seem to be minimising how awful and rejecting his behaviour is, tbh. I couldn't be doing with being so disrespected and ignored. You're worth better than you're getting.