No contact with mother

[13MAPARTHELL]

My mum is a narcissist

she has had periods where she has been better
ultimately, she should never have had children and we were a huge inconvenience to her as she was a single parent, and she never showed us love.

when I had the kids at first she was better, she was in a relationship and we saw her frequently, good relationship with the kids, but she is not the playing type etc.

shes now been single for a little while, she lives 25 minutes away, she goes out 4 nights a week (fine) I have to beg to see her and usually very very infrequently she will come for an hour always starting with ‘i cant stay for long’ ‘got to get back for the dogs’ ‘I dont like driving in the wind/rain/dark’

we invite her to days out but again its the above

my eldests birthday she came for an hour, repeatedly asking me if she needed to really come to do his cake at my house etc, just always itching to leave.

My eldest is awaiting assessment and we struggle massively, we have 0 help and support, and I have called her sobbing, begging for help just for an hour or two so we can do things that we need to do but we cant with the kids there, or just for me to take the kids to hers for a few hours and every single weekend she has plans, regardless of my sobbing call every week, she does not care about me or my kids,

she brags about her drinking, she is really proud of her social life and I am happy for her, but she has absolutely no care for family now, she cancels on me, on my kids, ive told her to fuck off and blocked her on everything.

has anyone else gone through similar? It might sound harsh but she is truly terrible

um.

so your post basically just talks about how utterly awful you think your mum is, you mentioned narcissist, no love shown, doesn’t play with your kids, doesn’t want to be with them etc

and then. Your main complaint is why doesn’t she do any free babysitting for you?

why would you want her to?

Her main complaint isn’t ‘babysitting’ it’s a desperate cry for help from a mother who clearly is more interested in herself than her daughter’s struggles.

This is such a crap situation…im
so sorry. I have no advice as you really can’t make her change. She’s made her choices. Which is sad as she’s missing out on so much with grandchildren.

Your expectations don't gel with reality.

You describe your mother as non maternal, loves her independent life and doesn't have a lot of time.

You want her to be:

Maternal, likes spending time around children, partly gives up independence to help you out.

Even though you know exactly what she's like, you cry and beg her to take care of your children and are upset every time she refuses. You've now blocked her.

She was never going to help you out.

You are completely correct
i guess ill never be able to accept her for who she is, I dont know why I cant but Its a deep rooted issue from being a child, I was always taken under the wing of friends mums and It ultimately feels like its just always something I am missing.

she blows hot and cold, and I think it brings back ultimately feelings of abondnment

Your mum was a terrible mum to you when you were a child and is still a terrible mum to you and an equally terrible grandmother.

It's awful to have no help or support from your mum, but you need to stop asking and begging. That gives her all the power to hurt you again. Pull back completely and, if possible, seek some therapy to come to terms with your dreadful childhood with a narcissistic mother.