Can a marriage survive

Puddingnpie2025 · 2025-04-23T11:28:35+00:00

Been married several years and pre marriage things were amazing, I’ve got two stepchildren who I treat like they are my own and a child of our own. since getting married I feel like my partner has almost changed personalities and is a completely different person to the one I met, sex was always very regular and now it’s probably every 6 weeks. My wife has said a few times during arguments really spiteful things and the next day then said she doesn’t mean it. I’ve had a few conversations with her about everything and it changes for a short period but then goes back to normal. I dont want to leave because of the children and I love seeing and being with them everyday and I know if we will split up then will massively change but I feel like I would be happier in every other way! Or is it just better to stay together for the sake of the children.

Maitri108 · 23/04/2025 12:45

Relationships often change after a child.

You say that your wife says spiteful things. It sounds like she's resentful and perhaps being passive aggressive.

When was the last time you had a conversation and discussed your relationship? Not an argument where you throw stones but an open discussion.

She's changed for a reason and perhaps feels overwhelmed and exhausted with three children. Ask what you can do to take the weight off and put some effort into your relationship to bring back a connection.

Couple's counselling might be an idea.

INeedAnotherName · 23/04/2025 12:58

How old is the joint child? If it's still young then is she exhausted? You haven't really given any decent information here tbh except saying she is mean and about the lack of sex.

Gettingbysomehow · 23/04/2025 13:03

It's all about the sex really isn't it? It always is. I really don't think you understand the effect of having a baby on a woman and Im sure you leave her to care for your children too.
If you want sex all the time then go and find someone who doesn't want her own kids and doesn't want to look after yours either. She is probably run ragged.

Espresso25 · 23/04/2025 13:05

How old is the child? I was probably a nightmare after my second baby - I had PND and PNA and the anxiety made me so horrible to be around.

Original poster

Puddingnpie2025 · 23/04/2025 13:13

Gettingbysomehow · 23/04/2025 13:03

It's all about the sex really isn't it? It always is. I really don't think you understand the effect of having a baby on a woman and Im sure you leave her to care for your children too.
If you want sex all the time then go and find someone who doesn't want her own kids and doesn't want to look after yours either. She is probably run ragged.

Not at all, it’s about being happy, obviously sex is part of it but it isn’t everything.
I actually took a new job a few years back so I could be at home more and help with the school runs and everything else to help ease the pressure off my wife, I cook dinner multiple times a week, help with cleaning, bedtimes with the youngest, over the weekends busy with kids clubs etc so I’m a very active parent and husband.
Im sure if I was a woman posting this your tone and response would be very different. Not every man that mentions sex is a selfish arsehole!

OP posts:

Espresso25 · 23/04/2025 13:15

I don’t think mentioning sex is out of order. For me, sex and intimacy is what distinguishes my relationship with my DH from my best friends. It’s important to feel desired and like it or not, sex is a human need. If you’re not on the same page and it’s not just a phase it’s an issue.

Original poster

Puddingnpie2025 · 23/04/2025 13:16

INeedAnotherName · 23/04/2025 12:58

How old is the joint child? If it's still young then is she exhausted? You haven't really given any decent information here tbh except saying she is mean and about the lack of sex.

Edited

He’s 6, things my wife has said in arguments has been that she doesn’t love me and hates me then the next day apologies and says she doesn’t mean that, evening throwing things etc.

OP posts:

Original poster

Puddingnpie2025 · 23/04/2025 13:18

Maitri108 · 23/04/2025 12:45

Relationships often change after a child.

You say that your wife says spiteful things. It sounds like she's resentful and perhaps being passive aggressive.

When was the last time you had a conversation and discussed your relationship? Not an argument where you throw stones but an open discussion.

She's changed for a reason and perhaps feels overwhelmed and exhausted with three children. Ask what you can do to take the weight off and put some effort into your relationship to bring back a connection.

Couple's counselling might be an idea.

Was probably about 2months ago and it’s normally a conversation that happens a few times a year.
I have suggested couples counselling before and she was never open to it

OP posts:

Alwayslurkingsometimesposting · 23/04/2025 13:19

Could your wife be depressed? If my husband said he didn't love me and hated me I would think there's something very, very wrong. What is she angry with you about it these arguments, how do they start? A bit more detail might help us help you

Original poster

Puddingnpie2025 · 23/04/2025 13:26

Alwayslurkingsometimesposting · 23/04/2025 13:19

Could your wife be depressed? If my husband said he didn't love me and hated me I would think there's something very, very wrong. What is she angry with you about it these arguments, how do they start? A bit more detail might help us help you

I have wondered that myself, she isn’t a fan of going out with her friends even though I encourage it. She will only go out if she has to.
We don’t argue often and it’s normally over something small which then escalates. I’m the more laid back one in the relationship and she is the more fiery one and hot headed. She’s admitted she’s very spiteful and can be nasty at times but I feel like this was all hidden prior to being married and now it’s slowly coming out.

OP posts:

INeedAnotherName · 23/04/2025 13:37

I’m the more laid back one in the relationship
I'm always twitchy when I hear that.

He’s 6, things my wife has said in arguments has been that she doesn’t love me and hates me then the next day apologies and says she doesn’t mean that,
Based on this alone - I think there is a lot of resentment and anger that can only be repaired if both sides want it enough, but you would need counselling. If she won't then you will only have two options. Stay as you are, or leave.

Bibi12 · 23/04/2025 21:19

Sounds like she just tolerates you for the sake of the kids. She knows it would be hard on her own with 3 children.

Telling you she hates you and doesn't love you then acting like nothing happened is abusive but on this forum you will be told it's your fault because you didn't do enough chores or childcare.

You need professional advice.

Maitri108 · 23/04/2025 22:33

No one's picked up on her throwing things.Don't stay in a relationship with someone who is throwing things at you OP. She sounds nuts.

notatinydancer · 24/04/2025 00:24

Puddingnpie2025 · 23/04/2025 13:13

Not at all, it’s about being happy, obviously sex is part of it but it isn’t everything.
I actually took a new job a few years back so I could be at home more and help with the school runs and everything else to help ease the pressure off my wife, I cook dinner multiple times a week, help with cleaning, bedtimes with the youngest, over the weekends busy with kids clubs etc so I’m a very active parent and husband.
Im sure if I was a woman posting this your tone and response would be very different. Not every man that mentions sex is a selfish arsehole!

Show quote history

A woman wouldn’t say she ‘helped’ with cleaning , bedtimes etc.
She would just do it, it’s part of running a household / having children.