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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Has my friendship come to a natural end?

7 replies

lucyomega · 22/04/2025 17:24

I've been friends with 'S' for 20+ years, we started working together in out early 20's. S is a few years younger than me, and we kept in contact while she was at uni and travelling etc.
As we got older I settled down and had my first DD at 27.
S actually came back from travelling and moved into a shared house right next door! She was a good friend, she would help me with the kids, we'd go out when we could and generally got on OK. I will say none of my friends particularly liked her as she can be very bossy and overbearing, bit me and my husband always liked her company.
As the years went on I moved away and we grew apart a little bit still saw each other when we could.
S then moved nearer to me as city house prices were so high.
Despite dating S never found a man and desperately wanted kids, so two years a go started IVF with a donor. She now has a gorgeous 18mo, I was her birth partner and have tried to support her where I can, but my life is very busy with full time work, 2 teenagers and a masters degree, plus other stuff.
Lately I'm finding it really difficult to be around her, she's always been quite depressed, and a bit of a Debbie downer, but lately she just seems so fed up. I know it's hard being a single parent but she has out herself in this position. Iwe meet every 4 weeks or so, I like to see her DS as he's lovely and she's doing a good job. But she never asks me how I am, is very judgemental of others and is very bossy. I know people with young kids are all consumed, I was there once too but this is more than that.
Has the friendship just died? I don't even feel that sorry but just don't know what to do next, I'm just trying to spend and less and less time with her.

OP posts:
Anonnnomous · 22/04/2025 17:27

She sounds a bit depressed to me. Seems a bit mean to me to drop her while she's going through a hard time.

Gonk123 · 22/04/2025 17:31

Agreed, don’t drop her at her lowest ebb. As you said she was there when you had your kids and stuck around even when she didn’t have any! It may be her own doing to have a child by herself but how many of us honestly knew how hard it would be?! Your fibbing if you say you knew. Cut her some slack and try and think of something nice to do for her. Maybe just even send her a gift and say you weren’t sure if she was ok at the moment so you’re reaching out with some flowers or whatever to make her smile and appreciate the friendship.

justkeepswimingswiming · 22/04/2025 17:35

So she helped you with your kids when they were young, yet now she’s depressed you want to drop her? You sound lovely

Newnameforaday88 · 22/04/2025 17:50

what stands out to me is that when you had young kids she helped you out but now the shoe is on the other foot you want to ditch her…that’s actually really sad.
18 months is a hard, draining age so she probably is a bit flattened by it all.
Why not see if you can actually be a friend to her for a while rather than ditching her?

Anonnnomous · 22/04/2025 19:54

It does sound a bit like you've had your use and now don't want to give back. She's no longer entertaining.

lucyomega · 23/04/2025 08:05

You're all absolutely right, I feel bad actually now I've given it some perspective.
I reached out last night, Sent her a little video to say how good she's doing and offered to have baby while she does park run in n Saturdays. I need to be better, maybe I was just feeling a bit overwhelmed. Thanks

OP posts:
Gonk123 · 23/04/2025 12:09

That is so lovely to read…I am glad you took heed of the advice given. You know, she sounds like the kinda friend that will look out for you next time you need her going in the history of your friendship. Enjoy looking after her a bit - I hope it helps strengthen your friendship as they really are hard to come by.

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