Dating app etiquette with someone new

[Twoanklebiters]

I’m very new to the dating game and so wondered if anyone could help me! I have been on 4 dates with someone I met online, stayed over the last two times we saw each other and it’s gone really well. We’ve discussed that we have a connection but all other chats re being girlfriend/boyfriends etc have been light hearted and jokey (to be expected at this early stage right).

I have a tendency to get attached to people quickly and I can tell this has started happening for me already. I stayed at his last night and he was cuddling me all night, very tactile, forehead kisses etc. This all makes me melt but I’m trying to stay realistic and grounded, for once. Today I have noticed he has added a new pic to his online profile, from the weekend, (presumably pre last night). I am still on the apps, matching people and chatting. I didn’t think anything of that, but I felt a little drag in my stomach when I saw he’d added a new pic so recently.

so is there an etiquette? Am I being silly to feel that way? Especially when I’m doing it myself. Is this something that usually gets officially discussed? Apologies if I’m being a bit stupid or naive, I’ve been out of this game for 25 years!

thanks for any help!

Tricky one really particularly as you are both still active on dating pages. I think you need to talk and talk to him about what you both want? I met my chap on fb dating but we both met and came off almost straight away but tbf as soon as i started talking to him even before i met him I had sacked anyone else I was talking to off.

I'd say to sit down solo, go for a walk, no distractions, and work out where you yourself are at emotionally - are you comfortable you both taking a bit more time?

Would you prefer to both do "don't ask, don't tell" for another month or so? Do you want him to come off the apps? Do you see him as your potential exclusive partner?

There's not really any right or wrong answers. I'm busy and someone I met is very "time available" so I came off apps as soon as we got intimate.

It's kind of technically casual but for time investment he's enough right now. I cannot face another "drinks or dinner out" date, I just want nights in 😅.

However, you may feel you want to meet others, get out and do stuff a bit more.

Then chat about it....if you're getting on fine and physically intimate this shouldn't be an issue?

Argh yes. It’s so hard to know how to approach it. Last night definitely went well and he initiated holding hands while we watched a film we laughed a lot. Physically intimate yes. I hate the thought of him being like that with someone else but realise it’s really early for he and I - and don’t want to ruin it by putting pressure on etc. we have quite a ‘banter-y’ rapport so a chat about this stuff would have to be done at the right moment. We make jokes like if our phone buzzes when we’re together we’ll say that’ll be tinder haha
ive No idea how I’ll know how he wants to play it from here or what he sees this as being potentially

It would sting more if he matches with someone else and ghosts you.

You could initiate it by text if you feel uncomfortable having the deep conversation (I'm the same?).

"Hey Dave, we've known each other three weeks, been great....What are your thoughts on exclusivity whilst we get to know each other more?"

Don't put words in his mouth and just be open to what he says. You may have to be prepared to detach if you don't get the right answer, but better to know now.

I'll nail my colours to the mast here.

The VAST majority of men know if you're someone they're "seriously" into and want to prioritise over other dates within a very short space of time.

Doesn't matter what you say or don't say. You don't need to "build a bond" or play perfect girlfriend.

It's based on what they see and your vibe, not how many dates you've been on.

I'd actually say "first thirty minutes of meet".

Definitely after four dates and two sleepovers he should know.

So you're not putting him off by saying anything. In fact, if he does want to be exclusive he'll probably be relieved.

Yes agreed that you get a feel pretty quick. I just worry so much that if he’s enjoying being active on the sites, that asking for more now will balls it up when it’s barely started. Like I say I’m still matching people but my heart isn’t in it, I think about him all the time. Im scared this is me attaching too quick again and that I will just make him run