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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

SOMEBODY PLEASE HELP ME

25 replies

feelingglum · 16/05/2008 22:58

Please someone help me, I'm literally on the edge. My baby is 10 months old and since she has been born I have suffered from depression. I went to the doc's last week to try and get some help..all he did was read a text on his phone while i was telling him how i felt, then just fobbed me off with some anti depressants. I've been feeling so low and my self esteem is now existant...to top it all off my partner has told me tonight that he's leaving me because i'm making him really unhappy.
I can't get my head straight I feel so bad, my world is falling apart and there's no one who can help me.

OP posts:

davidtennantsmistress · 16/05/2008 23:01

(((hugs)))

are you taking your AD's, does your DP know about the depression?

I think your dr was very unprofessional, can you see your HV at all, or a different gp to organise some council ling?

davidtennantsmistress · 16/05/2008 23:01

hoping someone with some better practical advice will be along shortly.

littlewoman · 16/05/2008 23:02

Has he actually gone yet, glum? Is there any chance you can talk it through it the morning?

staryeyed · 16/05/2008 23:02

Do you think he means it or just said it in the heat of the moment? I think you should change your doctor and get someone to take you seriously. Could you ask for a referral for counselling?

Buda · 16/05/2008 23:03

Oh love.

Please please go back to the doctor. Try and see another one if you can. Or call your HV.

ADs can help but they do take time to get into your system and you can feel worse before you feel better.

Whatever - please keep posting. There is lots and lots of support and help on here from people who have been feeling exactly the same as you.

littlewoman · 16/05/2008 23:03

Absolutely disgusted by your doctor.

Janni · 16/05/2008 23:03

So sorry to hear this - you are so not alone.
the GP you saw sounds like a sorry excuse for a family doctor and I would really try to see someone else in the same practice or the HV if you feel she would be approachable.

The first months of a first baby's life are immensely difficult as they entail such a change in your own life and how you see yourself. It is especially hard if your partner is struggling and is not able to be supportive.

Original poster

feelingglum · 16/05/2008 23:05

No I i don't want to take the AD, it makes me feel like i'll be more of a failure than I already am. My DP knows about how i feel and its too much for him, i'm making him miserable and now i'm scared i will make my baby miserable too. I ahven't seen my HV since my baby was 8 weeks old. I really don't know what to do.

OP posts:

BoysAreLikeDogs · 16/05/2008 23:05

Feeling glum, what a horrid time you are having.

As it's the weekend, you may have to sit it out until your Dr is open on Monday.

Is there someone that you can contact, to help you to get through tomorrow, parents, a friend perhaps?

If your baby is asleep I would think that you would do well to try to get some sleep.

As DavidTennantsMistress has said, are you actually taking your anti Ds? They do often take a few days to start working.

tori32 · 16/05/2008 23:05

Oh sweetheart you feel so low. Do you have anyone nearby who could come round to you? Where are you?
PND is awful. Do you have a lady Dr in the practice, could you ask to see someone else?
Your partner is being unreasonable but maybe he is suffering with depression too. Its not uncommon for fathers to experience PND too. Can you ask to talk to him about his unhappiness. I'm sure that he is probably just feeling frustrated that he can't cure your PND/ helpless and men don't deal with that feeling well.
{{{hugs}}}

Original poster

feelingglum · 16/05/2008 23:12

The doctor was really terrible. Because i've moved in with my partner since having the little one I'v ehad to change my doctors, I know if i was back where i was before i'd be able to talk to my REAL doctor who knows me and understands me. I've just got to a point right now where i feel i'm stuck. I want to get better and be happy, but i just can't. I haven't eaten properly for days and every time i try i feel sick. It's as if nobody is listening to me...and nobody really cares. I've managed to ruin my life and now i've pushed my dp away too. Now i've got nobody.

OP posts:

billiejo · 16/05/2008 23:15

darling, you are NOT a failure by taking AD's. depression is an illness which benefits from taking medicine to make it better. it is only different to any other illness for which you would take medicine, by stigma. think about your own happiness, not just that of others, having such a young baby is so bloody tough and if you need a little help to get you through it, then just think of it as that. a decent doctor will help you understand the AD's and give you the confidence you need to know that by taking them is not failure. sending you lots of hugs.

littlewoman · 16/05/2008 23:17

Agree with tori, actually. Sometimes people project their feeling or vice versa. Perhaps when he says you don't make him happy, he really means he can't make you happy and thatis a horrible feeling for anyone.

Secondly, it is NOT your job to make him happy. Neither is it his job to make you happy. You are both there to love and support each other as best you can.

Please change your dr and find a nice lady one who has had children and understands you.
Also, call up the troops. Who can help out and ease your burden?

I hope it will all calm down, and you can begin to look for solutions together. A first baby is a nightmare of a time, in my experience.

Original poster

feelingglum · 16/05/2008 23:21

i started taking AD's in october and then stopped after about two weeks. My partner told me that taking them wouldn't do anything and that it was all psycological. I just want to feel normal again but the more i try the worse i make things. I
've become a paranoid wreck. I can't even have my partner have a night out with out being hysterical. I can completely understand why he wants to go, I just need someone to help me pick myself back up. I've booked in for counselling but thats not for 5 weeks, I don't know if i can keep it together until then.

OP posts:

billiejo · 16/05/2008 23:26

i think your partner definitely needs to go with you to the counselling so that he can understand that depression is a chemical inbalance and absolutely not psychological. go straight back to the docs (a different one) on monday and tell them that you must see a counsellor and that you fear you can't wait 5 weeks.

Elephantsbreath · 16/05/2008 23:27

I was offered AD's a few months after I had my ds by my kindly woman doctor and I KICK myself that I didn't take them - probably for the same reasons you don't want to. My life was very tough in lots of ways in the year after my son was born and exhaustion and bewilderment of motherhood made it all the more harder.

So I would gently suggest you give them a go for a while

Your doctor is hopeless!! Are you too far to go to the one you liked and trusted? (your dc could still be registered with this one?)

Your partner needs to get a grip. He should support you not add to your difficulties. I don't believe dads get PND but I do think a new baby can be hard for both partners.

billiejo · 16/05/2008 23:28

please also remember honey that this happens to hundreds of thousands of us each year after having babies and , i promise you, you WILL get better.

Elephantsbreath · 16/05/2008 23:31

Your partner is wrong. Ad's DO work (I know plenty of friends who've used them).

Original poster

feelingglum · 16/05/2008 23:32

Thank you everyone for your adice. I'm going to make another appointment with another doctor on monday and try and get some counselling sooner. I'm going to get some sleep now as my head is aching! Thank you for the advice...i have taken all of it on board

OP posts:

mymblemummy · 16/05/2008 23:33

Poor girl, you really, really aren't a failure. You're not well and you need to give those anti-depressants a chance to work. You wouldn't object to taking antibiotics for a chest infection.

I'm so sorry you're having such a horrible time and your shitbag of a GP should be struck off.

Have you family or friends you can call up? You need some rest. Babies are hard enough work without the hellish time you're enduring.

pooter · 16/05/2008 23:33

Do you have friends or family close by? I know it can be really difficult to say that you need help, but you have already been courageous to go to the doctors (git)and starting this thread - well done. Taking ADs can be very helpful - you would be surprised if you knew how many people take them. Its a shame theres such a stigma about it - i know i always wait for a good long while before letting people know. If you were a diabetic you would take insulin, and right now your brain isnt producing enough serotonin, so why not help it out for a little while. It honestly doesnt change who you are, it just makes it easier to be yourself.

I think littlewomans post was very sensible. Is your DP still there? Is it possible for you to have a cup of tea, an early night and talk tomorrow?

Blu · 16/05/2008 23:35

fg - you poor thing.

Look - your Dr bhaved very badly, but it does sound as if you are depressed - as welll as having a crap Dr and a not very supportive partner - I'm sure he meant to be supportive but how does he know whether you have depression or not?

I was depressed when DS was about 2. I felt angry, doomed, critical and aggressive. I thought everything mighht as well just get worse because it was going to anyway. And I was horrible to live with.

My Dr explained that AD's replace the chemical in your brain that is missing. Once you have built up stocks again, your brain starts making it's own seratonin again. If the hormonal changes of pg and having a baby have sent your levels wonky, you top them up, just as you would take iron for anaemia. ADs do not make you into a mindless zombie, and the stigma against taking them is completely unjustified.

Hold tight, take the ADs, tell your partner that you are ill and that you need his support so that you can get beter and enjoy your baby together.

llareggub · 16/05/2008 23:36

Keep talking here too. It really helps. But most of all remember that you are not alone.

foxythesnowfox · 16/05/2008 23:37

feelingglum, come and join us on the June 2007 Postnatal thread if you ever want to chat and share. My LO was born in July (so technically I shouldn't be there I guess!) but there's always someone around if you need company, and many of us have similar issues. Don't be shy, you are very welcome.

electra · 16/05/2008 23:47

oh fg Please hang in there. Can you see another GP? I have mental health issues and I originally saw a very unhelpful GP - I got no referral. It sounds like you could do with a CPN.

hugs xx

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