Am I just bad at being a parent?

[KhakiMoose]

I’ve been having these thoughts recently and can’t help but compare myself to my friends, whose parenting seems to have come so naturally. My DH and I have a little girl who is 6 and we love her to bits. We all have so much fun together, we are very close and get on really well. My DD is hilarious, friendly, confident and fun however over the past year I’ve noticed she can be a little mean to her friends, quite controlling with them, she talks back to us and can be quite cheeky towards us in front of other people, she can act quite sassy. Her bedtime is horrible at times as the routine has never come easy to us and we’ve had to change it a lot (this whole calming before bed etc and everything ‘they’ tell you to do has never really worked for us)

We’ve just had a very social Easter weekend with friends and honestly they make it look so easy to raise well rounded, polite children who all have perfect bedtimes (literally will put the kids to bed say night night and that’s it). Don’t get me wrong I am actually a much better mum than I ever thought I would be but it’s never really come naturally to me, I’ve found aspects that my friends seem to do so easily, very challenging. My DH is the same. I’m now thinking … are my DH and I just a bit rubbish at the whole parenting thing?!! I wonder if anyone out there is in the same boat and found that parenting didn’t come that easy or naturally to them? It doesn’t make us bad parents but it’s really hit home since our best friends became parents and they are (no exaggeration) perfect at it, with a perfect child to go with it!! 😬

Every child is different and every home life setting is different. It’s clear that you love your child and you try your best, that makes you a good parent.
Sometimes kids go through phases of acting up. Is it possible that there is a kid at school that’s a bit of a bully around her, and her way of reacting to that could be bossing her friends around? There could be a reason for her change of behaviour. Or maybe she just needs a better structured routine especially around bedtime and more of a firm response to her naughty behaviour. Kids will push boundaries, especially around that age. Make a plan with your DH around how to tackle bedtime and stick to it, no matter how hard it might be. By a couple of weeks the routine will set in..
Do you talk to her about her behaviour towards her friends? She’s old enough to understand that her words and actions can make others feel not great. Have you explained that to her and used specific examples of what she’s done and how that could have affected the person on the receiving end? And on the flip side, reinforced when she’s done/said nice things and how great that makes others feel? Hopefully explaining her behaviour to her in more detail will help her understand and be more thoughtful with how she behaves.. positive affirmation to reward good behaviour often sinks in with children..
I guess one silver lining in it is that when she is older she will be confident and assertive enough not to take any nonsense from anyone.
And as hard as it is, try not compare yourself to other families. Sometimes parents aren’t always honest in public with just how much of a struggle it can be at times and you don’t really know what other families are dealing with, might not be as perfect as they’re letting on…

Also to add, it sounds like you have a beautiful relationship with your child. Not every child has that, think about those happy moments you share when you feel like you’re starting to get upset from comparing your situation to others 😊

Every child is different and every parent faces different challenges that others may find easy.

From going on what you’ve written it sounds like you’re letting your daughter get away with being “cheeky” to you which is actually her being rude and it’s blurs to boundaries of you being the adult and the person who’s in charge.

Dont be afraid to correct your daughter even if it’s in front of other people. The worst thing to do is just and laugh it off as being cheeky or confident when really she’s just being plain rude.

If she sees that she can get away with talking to you in a certain manner that will be the reason she does it to her friends.

"We all have so much fun together, we are very close and get on really well"
Just so long as you are doing what she wants, that is. Does she view you as playmates rather than parents, and when playing games does she lead and you follow?

"over the past year I've noticed she can be a little mean to her friends, quite controlling with them"
Could that be because she can't get them to play by her rules in the same way she does with you?

"she talks back to us and can be quite cheeky towards us in front of other people, she can act quite sassy" "her bedtime is horrible"
She thinks she's the boss. Could it be time for you to move the goalposts a bit and start asserting yourselves so that she realises that actually, you are in charge here? Children need boundaries within which they can move freely, but they have to learn when to stop and do as they are told.