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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Loosing my head

3 replies

Lm404061 · 21/04/2025 22:37

I’ve been dating someone new for 7 weeks. I’ve never felt chemistry like this, it’s incredible.
however I am massively insecure and anxiously attached. I am trying to hide it and act cool but I know a few things have slipped out.
I don’t think I can have a serious relationship with this person (due to some practical reasons that I can’t go into). But I am totally addicted. However I am so doubting myself and whether they are going to break it off randomly that it’s becoming a bit torturous at times. It kind of makes me want to break things off before they have a chance too.
the thing is there are being pretty consistent and they are very secure so I think it is just me.
for example he said we should go home separately today as we both have to be in the office early tomorrow. He also wants to go to the gym before work. He has been single a long time so very used to having his independence. I pretend to be cool with it but inside I’m like ahh he’s going off me and is going to end it! Even though he was lovely today and kissing me lots, texting after ect.
the only thing they have done to maybe contribute to the insecurity is tell me they have been to sex clubs in the past, are very sexually experienced, seems fairly brutal attitude to past girlfriends once things have ended and also told me that they are not good at relationships.
how to I calm down and start feeling more secure and just enjoy it for what it is? The chemistry wil no doubt die down in a few months but I’d like to enjoy it whilst it lasts.

OP posts:
fruitypancake · 21/04/2025 22:41

Remind yourself that this is now , this is not the same time/ person as previously when you may have had negative experiences . Also be kind and understanding of yourself- what has happened in your past that makes you anxious now- I bet you have a good reason.
Try and stay mindfully in the present , enjoying the now and not thinking too much about the future.
continue to act cool, fake it until you make it

wowwhataday · 21/04/2025 22:45

You sound like you need therapy to do with your anxiety and codependency issues, whether this relationship lasts or not. To be having this sort of mental anguish doesn’t bode well.

IstayhomeonFridaynight · 21/04/2025 22:45

He's told you he's not good at relationships, he doesn't respect his ex's. This isn't going to last, and he'll never see you once he's dumped you.

I would get out now if I was you, he'll get bored of being in a relationship and you'll get desperate, he'll get dismissive, you'll be miserable.

And get tested for STDs.

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