How to navigate this new relationship’

[Littleferns]

10 & a 1/2 years ago my H left me the OW. At the time I was completely devastated. Our DC were 21,19 and 15 at the time. It took me a long time and huge amounts of courage to start again and move on. We divorced, he married her and as the DC were older contacting was minimal as they made their own arrangements to see him.
11 weeks ago my youngest DD was involved in a terrible accident. She has been left with a severe traumatic brain injury and is still in hospital.
Suddenly I’m thrown together with the XH and OW. Hours spent with them at her bedside in ITU took all my strength and emotions. Against the odds she has survived but is likely to always need our care and support. There’s no question of her not coming home to me (she still lived at home) but the only way I am ever going to be able to cope is if they support too. I am going to have to invite them into my home and life forever. And I just don’t know how I do that?
im an emotional wreck due to the accident without this thought on top. I feel like my world is imploding all over again. I will always put my daughter first without a doubt but I have to find strength from somewhere for me.

Just focus on your daughter for now. Anything else can wait.

I don't see why his new wife does need to be involved, actually. The father and other siblings yes, but not someone who isn't related to your daughter.

summerhill
For hospital visits they come as a pair. In the ten+ years they have been together she has always treated my children well. I took the stance early on that I should accept that it was better for my children that she was nice to them and accepted them.
I know whatever my feelings are that she cares for my DD too.

I’m so sorry about your daughter’s accident, this is a huge traumatic shock for you all. Try to take it one step at a time, if you can. When the time comes for her to come home perhaps you can have a chat with your ex and figure out a plan/rotation for who does what and when . Also, I am not sure what the set up is where you are but I used to work on a neuro mrehab unit and they had family therapists and psychologists who were there to help families navigate these very issues. That might also be helpful if that is available where you are.

Sending a shoulder squeeze. That sounds so difficult. I think probably now seeing him and her for the first time in a long time must feel like an old wound has been ripped raw but give it a bit of time and things will settle and that will probably fade to the background and other priorities will emerge. I’d encourage you not to fret about managing them in the future, just focus on the now. Your dynamic with them probably will still emerge, and then you’ll see how to handle it. You seem lovely btw