I made an amazing new friend through work a few years ago. We had that instant ‘wow you really get me’ spark - started talking loads, started a business venture outside of our usual jobs. We both work in finance and had great plans - we’d started talking to investors for a new business idea and it was all looking really positive and exciting. We spent a lot of time together at work. (But we never spent time together unless it was working on something.)
It was always for me (M) completely platonic. But I felt I’d made a new best friend. Almost like a sibling. We are both married.
She (F) started distancing herself from me and I was confused and a bit hurt but managed to be okay by saying to myself “her loss, she’s just busy, maybe a bit shallow”. I was a bit sad but I was fine. I’d see her every now and again and it was like normal and there was still the feeling that we’d restart the business when we had more time.
She’s just told me that she is in love with me. That’s why she had to cut me out of her life. It’s absolutely the right thing to do - both for her husband and for my wife. She has no intention of breaking up her marriage, they have two children and for me, well, it was always platonic and it is still platonic. No sexual attraction at all. It never even occurred to me. I’m very happily married to my wife, and I love our family (we have a son).
But for some reason I now feel devastated. I almost feel like I’m grieving. Maybe because I know now we can never be friends again? And I feel so sad for her that she’s in all that pain - and I can’t make it any better. Because it’s me that’s caused it, however unintentionally. WHY am I so sad?? Nothing has changed, practically speaking.
Please help me rationalise this - and also get over this. Give me some tough love.