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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Hearing ex new family

9 replies

Mummaonherown · 21/04/2025 11:38

I've had quite a year.
My ex started cheating this time last year, that relationship never worked out, lasted 4 months he came back for 2 months and we were working things out until he cheated again, lied deceived me, made me think I was crazy until finally admitting it all.
Anyway in march he moved into her home with her 3 children, the youngest being 2.5 years old.
Up until march he would still tell me he loved me, kept trying it with me and basically 'dangling' a carrot in my face.
My DC has been around her and her children (see previous posts, he lied about this.)
My ex doesn't financially support his son, he hasn't seen him for 5.5 weeks and today he is coming down to take him out for a few hours.
Earlier this morning, my DC asked to speak to daddy as he knows he's coming. I text my ex saying 'call if you can dc wants to speak to you' my ex called.
Instead of my ex speaking he put the youngest on the phone, I could hear my ex playing with her as she spoke to my son. My son then asked if he could see all of them, and go out with them (phone was on loud speaker) I didn't say a word, my ex then put his new gf on the phone to speak to my son. I sat in my bedroom and shed a tear.
I don't know why I'm feeling like this, all week he has been saying things to try and 'trigger me' I don't rise to them.
I have asked him to only text me regarding matters relating to money, he calls me, he will call me for the smallest thing.
I have set up a new phone purely for him to call my son on.
I thought I was doing better
I just want a massive hug, this is so so hard.
I still love him, I'll never ever tell him that but today I feel so sad.

OP posts:
category12 · 21/04/2025 11:43

Aww sorry.

Get a claim for child support with CMS. Stop letting him get away with paying nothing.

Mummaonherown · 21/04/2025 11:48

@category12 I have, he's fraudulently claiming benefits and working (the idiot has it paid straight into bank account) I've reported it to benefit fraud it's blocking my CMS claim so I had no choice. He knows I know but he doesn't know I've reported him. It's just a waiting game now.

OP posts:
DrummingMousWife · 21/04/2025 11:50

I’ve been where you are now and I swear it gets better. This relationship will not last , as he is clearly a liar and a cheat. Just be there for your child to pick them up and comfort them when things go awry. You will move on and this deadbeat will be a thing of the past for you. Pity the new partner - frankly she has all this to come.

edited to say my ex is still with the woman he left for but she has had 15 years of hell. He has cheated multiple times and lied all along, so she got what she paid for.

mindutopia · 21/04/2025 11:59

He sounds like an absolutely shit dad. Couldn’t even talk to his son for a few minutes and his son has to ask to do something with his new gf’s kids just to get any time and attention from him. It may feel raw, but do not spend too much time crying over this absolute waste of space. She will drop him soon enough anyway because he will cheat on her too. Hold your head high and be glad that isn’t your circus anymore. What a loser.

category12 · 21/04/2025 12:03

Mummaonherown · 21/04/2025 11:48

@category12 I have, he's fraudulently claiming benefits and working (the idiot has it paid straight into bank account) I've reported it to benefit fraud it's blocking my CMS claim so I had no choice. He knows I know but he doesn't know I've reported him. It's just a waiting game now.

He's pretty scummy all round, isn't he?

I know it's hard when you're still hooked on the guy, but in the long run, you'll be better off without him and will wonder what on earth you were doing with him in the first place. 🙂

Do something nice for yourself today x

Mummaonherown · 21/04/2025 12:27

@DrummingMousWife thank you. He introduced our DC 2 months into the relationship same as he did the last relationship, from what he has said she has had him around her children from day 1.
I honestly thought I was ok, but obviously not.
I'm in no way ready to meet someone else, I'm having therapy to deal with all he's put me through. I do feel bitter then he's 'rode off into the subset' although I'm sure what goes on behind closed doors is not what I assume.

This is sooo hard.

OP posts:
Missj25 · 21/04/2025 21:04

Mummaonherown · 21/04/2025 11:38

I've had quite a year.
My ex started cheating this time last year, that relationship never worked out, lasted 4 months he came back for 2 months and we were working things out until he cheated again, lied deceived me, made me think I was crazy until finally admitting it all.
Anyway in march he moved into her home with her 3 children, the youngest being 2.5 years old.
Up until march he would still tell me he loved me, kept trying it with me and basically 'dangling' a carrot in my face.
My DC has been around her and her children (see previous posts, he lied about this.)
My ex doesn't financially support his son, he hasn't seen him for 5.5 weeks and today he is coming down to take him out for a few hours.
Earlier this morning, my DC asked to speak to daddy as he knows he's coming. I text my ex saying 'call if you can dc wants to speak to you' my ex called.
Instead of my ex speaking he put the youngest on the phone, I could hear my ex playing with her as she spoke to my son. My son then asked if he could see all of them, and go out with them (phone was on loud speaker) I didn't say a word, my ex then put his new gf on the phone to speak to my son. I sat in my bedroom and shed a tear.
I don't know why I'm feeling like this, all week he has been saying things to try and 'trigger me' I don't rise to them.
I have asked him to only text me regarding matters relating to money, he calls me, he will call me for the smallest thing.
I have set up a new phone purely for him to call my son on.
I thought I was doing better
I just want a massive hug, this is so so hard.
I still love him, I'll never ever tell him that but today I feel so sad.

Ahh OP ..
I’m sorry to hear you are feeling so sad 😔…
Try to get out of house for a bit , walk & coffee , by yourself or with a friend..
I know it’s not much , but I always find the fresh air perks me up a bit when I’m feeling awful ..
You can’t see it now , but things will get better ..
You won’t always feel like this …
Hang in there.. ❤️❤️❤️

Energe · 21/04/2025 21:05

I’m glad you’ve reported him. Things will get better for you.

Mummaonherown · 22/04/2025 09:35

Thanks all, he came and tried it with me again. Saying the same stuff as he had been saying upto march, we hadn't seen each other for 5.5 weeks, seems the first opportunity he got he went back to saying what he was previously saying. He doesn't want me to be with anyone else, he pretty much offered to 'cheat' on his current gf with me, even though he doesn't seem to think of it as 'cheating'
Told me he misses me and our DC and even though he's happy 'something is missing'
Said that he will always be a 'little in love with me'
I know he's saying all this to keep me where he wants, his actions prove that although he did admit that he moved into her home for 'convenience' as he doesn't like to be on his own.

I really need to get away and stop listening to his crap, I didn't let him in my home, despite him trying to come in we spoke in the communal garden.
Headfuck or what.

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