Have you ever cut contact with your parents or siblings and for what reason?How did it feel immediately after you made that decision?

[PinataHeeHaw]

I've tried cutting contact numerous times. It's not that difficult for me and I feel a sense of relief and freedom. I do feel guilt though at the woman who brought me up yet put people and things before me and just doesn't put herself out to make an effort. I've often thought if I wasn't here anymore she wouldn't miss me as she often refuses to spend time with me. Anyway, for about the third time I'm trying to cut contact again.

Why do you feel guilt? Can you put it into words?

Yes, DM too

guilt
sadness
ultimately, just utter relief

I suppose because she's my mum. I often feel bad at my not liking her too.

Pure relief

I am NC with my father. He was horrible to me growing up and doesn’t deserve me as his child. Other people have tried to guilt me about this, got truth bombed by me repeating some of things he said and did to me growing up, then stopped guilting me once I stood my ground. Hold firm OP. I’ve managed to be NC For over 20 years

The guilt is a mixture of societal pressure (mums are maternal! and lovely!) and probably your family conditioning that you are being unreasonable to dislike th way she treats you.

Think about it this way - if you made a new friend and the friend treated you the way your mum does, would you consider the friendship worth the effort?

In my case I cut contact with my parents and it's been made much simpler that my parents have never asked why or expressed any interest in actually being in touch with me. Lots of outraged "How can you stop talking to us ! We're your parents" but no actual expression of caring.

Yes a parent and it was a relief.
It actually wasn’t intended to be permanent when I did it but the space it gave me made me realise how toxic they were and how much better I felt.

No sadness or guilt. Some family tension.

Even after they died there were zero regrets, just absolute relief.

I’m planning a rather large party when mine finally dies. Playlist is already done. Starts with Wicked/Wizard of Oz songs

Because narcissists always turn it around and blame and guilt trip you.

Their flying monkeys, and people with normal parents, act horrified that you could cut off a family member.

“But they are your mother”
”they literally gave you life”
”no matter what you don’t cut off family”
”they are your blood”
etc.

my response used to be unprintable.
now I just smile and tell them that they are lucky that they don’t understand exactly how awful it is to have such a dreadful, wicked, cruel, lying parent

You don't like her, and that is totally understandable. There is no reason why you should feel bad for disliking someone who is seriously unpleasant towards you.

I’ve wanted to completely cut contact several times (basically because of parents’ inability to see me as a person). Always end up getting back in touch.

These days I see it more like I don’t owe them anything, I need to preserve my sanity, so right now in this moment, I’m not making any effort at all. They don’t make much effort with me so usually that buys me peace for 6-12 months!

They don’t really take up much headspace anymore and I think that’s the main thing - focus on getting mentally well and strong within yourself first and foremost, then idiots can’t really rock your boat so much.

I felt sadness, pain, regret... and resignation. It was less painful than remaining in contact.

I’m NC with my mother and sibling. I don’t feel guilt but it does make me sad. Unfortunately their behaviour got so bad I felt like I had no other option, which probably helps assuage any guilt I might have otherwise felt.

I did with one of mine. After years of tears the peace it brought me was immense.
After a decade we made up. We ended up having a really good relationship in the end we both dealt with our demons and moved on

I am NC with my mum (my only living biological family other than my children, so basically with “my family” in the sense there is no one else, which makes it all a bit easier).

She facilitated contact between a known convicted paedophile and my children without me knowing. When it all blew up, she basically didn’t care, said it was all my fault for being so silly and over sensitive, and when I disclosed to her that I’d been sexually abused as a child, she wasn’t bothered (actually, her response was “that wouldn’t surprise me about you”).

We did try to work through the relationship for several years (obviously she had no relationship with my children from when this all initially kicked off), because I do genuinely think she has a lot of childhood trauma herself and she is in an unhealthy relationship. She just wouldn’t do anything other than dig her heels in and refuse to acknowledge any of this was problematic. The nail in the coffin was a friend of hers (who I didn’t even know) contacting me to say that my mum had told her that Dh and I stole £250k from her and then disappeared and cut her off from her grandchildren to spite her. We needed to apologise apparently. 🤷🏻‍♀️ I eventually managed to see actual proof in the form of an email exchange between them.

I said, nope, enough and wrote her a letter explaining that our relationship was over, exactly why, and to not contact us again. She does write me a message or an email (which I generally don’t read) about once a quarter. But it’s been peaceful otherwise.

I felt sadness and anger initially, but also relief. I’ve never had any wish or guilt to be in touch with her and I’ve never responded to her. It’s been about 3 years now. My experience with people I know who have struggled with NC is that they aren’t healing the wound. You can stop speaking to someone. But if you don’t fix the broken bit of yourself that wants to go back for more of that familiar pain you’ve always known and found kinda comforting, then it is hard to move on. Therapy helped me a lot, as did filling my life with people I love and who love me back and things that make me feel good about myself and my life.

NC with a sister and very LC with parents.

Sister I felt no guilt over. We were very close and i would have never thought we would be estranged. However, life is so much quieter.

Parents, at first I felt hurt, then mad and now it's indifference. They didn't make much of an effort before, it was always me. I stopped making any effort and now it can be months before there's a msg, let alone seeing them.

Because they are your family it's like there is an unwritten rule that you must all like/love, be in touch with each other. But sometimes you do have to do what feels right for you and sometimes that is space.

Maybe find somebody to talk things through with or write letters to the people to get the emotions in you head out (up to you if ever send them or burn them)

I’m NC with my biological father. He wasn’t ‘bad’; just selfish. He never bothered with me much and when he did it was only on his terms. I never felt like I was wanted or important and after his attitude towards a gift I’d given him on a particular visit to see him I’d just had enough. It was a relief, though there are times I wonder why he couldn’t be better towards me.

I cut contact with my parents. I ended up somewhat back to being just civil to protect my then teen sister who was being neglected. Who then turned out to be a total arse when she got older and stabbed me in the back after all the support I gave her, and I shut contact with her too.

Honestly I wish when I cut contact the first time I kept it that way.

my dad is now dead.
my mum is dead to me in my head.
my sister and I don’t speak but I feel we both agreed to leave each other in peace amicably. She was recently in touch to give me a heads up on a family matter where she was protecting me. I just said cheers and moved on. The door is still closed, I’m sure she has regrets but it’s too late.

i can’t put a price on the peace it brings me. I never EVER felt sadness for not having my parents, or guilt. For my sister, she is young, I understand why she went back to my mum when she did. I wish she hadn’t though, because there’s no going back for me and my own kids are disgusted with her too.

i Cut contact for a couple of years with my parents in my late 20s.
it was caused by a culmination of rows and I just had enough and got up in the middle of dinner and walked out of the house. And just didn’t get back in touch for two years.
the break did us both good I think and when we did get back in touch we were both kinder to each other.

that all happened 35 years ago and we have had a healthy relationship since then.
i had therapy during the break which helped me manage the relationship better afterwards and my Mum knew not to push me too far.

had therapy during the break which helped me manage the relationship better afterwards and my Mum knew not to push me too far

Sometimes it takes walking away for family to actually listen, I'm glad it worked out for you.