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Original poster

When do you stop nieces/nephews birthday/Christmas money?

52 replies

BreathingIn · 20/04/2025 15:52

Each Xmas, we put £150 in a card for DP's nieces/nephew with the understanding that it covers birthday and Xmas.

We're not close, it's a token gesture really.

One of the nieces turns 18 this year. To me, that's a logical point to stop giving this money.

What do you think? When did you stop giving nieces/nephews Xmas/birthday money?

OP posts:
DrPrunesqualer · 21/04/2025 03:37

My brother and his wife stopped giving our sons birthday and Christmas gifts including even a card when the eldest was 9 and the youngest 6. ( ish )

[ Personal experience irrelevant I know but I couldn’t resist the rant just in case my local councillor ( yes some easily conned people voted her in 🤣🤣 ) SIL comes on here and sees this 👋👋👋👋 ]

So
OP
How kind you are ! If you’re not that close I’d go for 18. Then maybe remember significant milestones after like 21

autisticbookworm · 21/04/2025 06:58

I stopped at 18 for my dns but did get them a bottle of alcohol at 21. My Godchildren I stopped at 21.

RaraRachael · 21/04/2025 07:19

I stopped at 18 but as my kids were only 10 and 7 the aunties and uncles stopped giving to them. So they missed out of years of presents I'd given to the others

CallMeFlo · 21/04/2025 07:21

I'm very close to my nieces. I cant imagine stopping. I give them a monthly allowance too though thatll stop when they start working

Wonderwall23 · 21/04/2025 09:21

In terms of ages, I would still send for 18th and then stop, but maybe send something as a one-off for their 21st.

I'm close to my nieces and nephews though. And I have a DS so I expect we'll agree both ways, although it's a long way off currently.

I appreciate people have different budgets but although I'm not rich by Mumsnet standards I'm not struggling financially. And I'd only give a max of £25 for birthday and same at Christmas.

Moglet4 · 21/04/2025 09:25

When they have kids

Original poster
BreathingIn · 21/04/2025 09:37

Pemba · 21/04/2025 03:06

Have I got this right, there's 3 kids and you give £150 once a year to cover Christmas and birthdays? So £25 each on each occasion. I don't think that's excessive.

If you want to stop I would phase it out more gradually, because it seems a bit unfair on the younger ones to stop just because the oldest turns 18. Most 18 year olds are still at school. I would stop at 21 instead maybe.

Unless they are exceptionally annoying and ungrateful kids!

No. There are three kids. We give them £150 each at Xmas which covers birthday and Xmas.

Edited to add - we won't stop ALL of them when the eldest turns 18. We'd stop in turn when they each turn 18.

OP posts:
Original poster
BreathingIn · 21/04/2025 09:38

UtterlyOtterly · 20/04/2025 16:54

End of primary school here but we're not close, and not receiving thank yous from the parents, or the children as they got older, made it all seem a bit pointless.

Yeah, lack of "Thank You" is also a factor but that's a whole other issue on MN 😁😬

OP posts:
Original poster
BreathingIn · 21/04/2025 09:40

Thanks for all your comments, really useful to see different perspectives.

OP posts:
Harassedevictee · 21/04/2025 09:51

@BreathingIn perfectly sensible approach.

BitOutOfPractice · 21/04/2025 09:54

my eldest niece is 31 age I haven’t stopped yet. We are very close though.

Pemba · 21/04/2025 10:43

BreathingIn · 21/04/2025 09:37

No. There are three kids. We give them £150 each at Xmas which covers birthday and Xmas.

Edited to add - we won't stop ALL of them when the eldest turns 18. We'd stop in turn when they each turn 18.

Edited
Show quote history

Oh I must have misread @BreathingIn . Well I think the £150 a year EACH is pretty generous, and it's not great if they haven't been thanking you. Important life lesson for those kids when you stop maybe!

CiscoTS · 21/04/2025 11:16

ChristmasFluff · 20/04/2025 18:17

My nieces are in their 40s and they still get Christmas and birthday presents from me, but we are a close family and no way would that sort of money be expected! So it's really up to you and what suits your situation.

As much as I would love to continue giving gifts forever, I have 20+ nieces and nephews so it’s wholly unrealistic.

I stopped at 16.

CiscoTS · 21/04/2025 11:17

BitOutOfPractice · 21/04/2025 09:54

my eldest niece is 31 age I haven’t stopped yet. We are very close though.

Perfectly doable with one.

But 20+ birthday presents and then Christmas presents on top, I’d be bankrupt 😂

category12 · 21/04/2025 11:55

I think the 18th would be the last one, yes.

Just birthday cards after that.

KIlliePieMyOhMy · 21/04/2025 11:59

BreathingIn · 20/04/2025 15:52

Each Xmas, we put £150 in a card for DP's nieces/nephew with the understanding that it covers birthday and Xmas.

We're not close, it's a token gesture really.

One of the nieces turns 18 this year. To me, that's a logical point to stop giving this money.

What do you think? When did you stop giving nieces/nephews Xmas/birthday money?

£150 wow.
Is that not a lot.

AgnesX · 21/04/2025 12:02

All mine are in their 20s, rarely say thankyou and all earn more than me.

I'm getting to the point I want to stop.

mamabluestar · 21/04/2025 12:16

Our original plan was to stop once they had their own children and buy the great nieces and nephews. In reality, my nieces currently earn more than me, come to ours for Christmas lunch, expect gifts and don't even bring a bottle of wine to share - they won't be getting gifts this year.

BitOutOfPractice · 21/04/2025 12:40

CiscoTS · 21/04/2025 11:17

Perfectly doable with one.

But 20+ birthday presents and then Christmas presents on top, I’d be bankrupt 😂

Show quote history

Well yes, I only have 2!

stripedrollerskates · 21/04/2025 13:06

We have 10 nieces and nephews, all on my side. We buy gifts for birthdays when they’re little, book tokens once they can read, and cash when they’re a bit older up to age 21.

I’m Jewish and Chanukah is more for little kids in our family than being like xmas (DH isn’t Jewish and I celebrate xmas but my siblings don’t). For that we just do small gifts like games and books.

TryForSpring · 21/04/2025 15:24

That's awful, @mamabluestar and @AgnesX. I'm still going past 21 but if they didn't say thank you, I'd stop.

Generally I think 18 is a bit soon. They're either still studying or likely not earning much.

Original poster
BreathingIn · 21/04/2025 16:00

KIlliePieMyOhMy · 21/04/2025 11:59

£150 wow.
Is that not a lot.

Show quote history

I agree, it's a lot. But they are DP's siblings kids so it's his choice.

OP posts:
CarpetKnees · 21/04/2025 16:04

We don't spend anything like £75 on birthdays and Christmas, but, to answer your question, we spend about twice the usual amount (so £30ish rather than £15ish) for their 18ths and no more presents after that.

But it is something we talked about some time in advance (I think the eldest was 15 / turning 16 when we first talked about it) so known to all.

YYURYYUCICYYUR4ME · 21/04/2025 16:10

We'd treat nephews / nieces when we saw them, but made it clear one good gift at 18th, then one at 21st, end of.

timeforhols · 21/04/2025 16:20

We stopped at 18. If close or invited to their party would give something for 21st