Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

In need of advice asap

12 replies

Torbanksy · 20/04/2025 11:21

Morning,

I have put off reaching out as im so so depressed. And the thought of writing down all this is so overwhelming right now but i litterally cant continue.

A small window into my relationship so far.

Its never been perfect but right now is absolutely horrendous. I've never felt so alone. So low in confidence, frustrated and angry. I have 2 dc. A nearly 10 yr old and a 6 year old autistic child. Both of my kids are my absolute world but i feel like im not doing for them what a mother should be. My partner is horrible to me and my children but mostly my 6 yr old. Would call her weird, ask what the point is in talking to her. He has nothing in common with her. She has put a bit of weight on over the last few months as she struggles with her mobility he remarks constantly on this. And to her but she doesnt understand that he is being nasty and it breaks my heart.

Yesterday was a very tough day. My 6 yr old was obsessed with watching the same program over and over and by 6pm I'd had enough. He had been at work and i needed a break to walk the dogs and clear my head and reset. My daughter then had a complete melt down. I was struggling to control her crying and getting frustrated i litterally felt like i was going to have a panic attack! I looked at my partner who was paying no attention to what was going on and knew i was struggling. I turned and said can you give me a hand please. To which he said what do you want me to do? I dont know what i wanted him to do but i needed help. I had my coat on ready to take my dogs out and my daughter was screaming not to leave her. I said im only going to be 10 mins but she was getting more and more upset.

He then told me to just go..... F**KING GO

Then grabbed my daughter and threw her on the sofa and told her to shut up right in her face. I broke down..

Took her upstairs where i was layed on the floor crying with my 6 yr old then comforting me!!! How bloody messed up is that. Then my eldest came in and asked why daddy was shouting at me and she saw how upset we was and also gave a big hug. The 3 of us on the floor. My crying wirh my daughter wiping the teara from my face.

Im so so so scared. I am so burnt out and dont want this life for me or my children. Its like walking on egg shells. Constantly scared to say or do the wrong thing. If i ask for a chat and say something he doesnt like he tells me to shut the f**k up.

He apoligised to the girls and ignored me after this. My youngest said mummy ansd daddy i love you both so much. My hearts broke. I want to tell my mum. I want to tell someone. Im so scared to get this started. Im afraid im gonna mess my kids up. Im afraid financially we will struggle. All my savings went into buying our first home last yr and i dont think i would recieve financial help as i part own this home. I also saved for a family holiday which we payed last week and i had saved every penny of it and now thats all gone.

There is so so so much more thats gone on. Belittling and degrading behavior.

Im at my mums today for easter lunch and im dying to ask her for help. Im so lost.

Please be kind

Thankyou.

OP posts:
FiercelyFree · 20/04/2025 11:31

Tell your Mum, today. This will only escalate and you and your children will be in severe danger. He threw your 6 year old child on the sofa. What's next? You have woken up to him, now act on it.
There are agencies that will help, it won't be easy but you can do this. Lots of us on here have. Get your plan together, get your mum onboard and keep reaching out on here.
It's because of the people on this site I left an abusive 22 year marriage. It took me years but I felt so supported. The first year was hell but six years on I'm doing great.
You and your children deserve more.
Stay strong, you can do this 💐

BySnappyKoala · 20/04/2025 11:33

Oh Op, I’m so so sorry you’re going through this. What an horrendous situation. This is an abusive relationship. Well done for making the first step and posting here.

If you think she’d be supportive, do speak to your Mum - if it were my daughter I would want to know. And contact Women’s Aid. Next, if you can - speak to a family law solicitor to find out your legal position - this will help you plan what your next steps could be. Look on the divorce and separation forum - loads of info on their which will help you get informed.

Speak to your GP as well about the situation and the toll it’s having on your mental health.

Can you get a refund on the holiday?

Sending you strength 🌸

AnonAnonmystery · 20/04/2025 11:38

Please speak to your mum, hugs x

BeachRide · 20/04/2025 11:38

LTB. Yesterday.

Odiebay · 20/04/2025 13:10

You need to tell your mum. Your partner is abusing you and his own children. Your daughter is terrified of him. You should not leave him alone with your children.

You know you need to leave him.

ChocolateIsForLife · 20/04/2025 14:41

Tell your mum.

S0j0urn4r · 20/04/2025 15:05

As others have said, this is abuse. Talk to your mum and supportive friends, get legal advice. A solicitor will tell you to start recording the abuse.
There are various women's organisations that can help.
Above all keep yourself and your children safe.
There is help out there.

mummyto9angels · 20/04/2025 15:16

I'm so sorry this sounds absolutely awful for you all. Your DC sound lovely. You are really brave to open up on here and hopefully you have told your mum too by now. It sounds like you desperately wanted and needed her support and she is hopefully everything you need to give you the strength to get started. A year from now this will all be a bad memory. Lots of love and strength fir tge next few days ❤️

canthavethatonethen · 20/04/2025 17:25

"Then grabbed my daughter and threw her on the sofa and told her to shut up right in her face"

He did that to a 6-year-old.She must have been absolutely terrified.

You have to call the police and get him removed from your home. I'm sorry, but you must. He was violent and aggressive towards a little child and it is your absolute parental duty to prevent him from abusing her again.

Please do the right thing.
Flowers

Ruby0707 · 20/04/2025 17:38

I'm sorry you are going through this but you need to teach your children that it is not ok to be treated that way and that the right thing to do is be strong and leave.

Imagine your daughter in a relationship like this, she will think it's ok as that's what she's seeing growing up.

Tell your Mum, just a couple of words, 'I'm not ok.' Reach out to Women's Aid on advice of how to leave if you need to.

You can do this.

SchrodingersTwat2 · 20/04/2025 17:55

Phone the police.

Beastiesandthebeauty · 20/04/2025 18:30

Childhood trauma + asd is a really really bad combination take my word for that. Protect your children and yourself

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread