Help please I don’t know what to think

[Jbbl]

Hey all,
long story will try be short. I used my other half’s iPad first time ever to do something and found he been on some strange website that shows ladies tied up like extreme version of it sick to me. I haven’t said anything as yet because back story last year he was rushed to hospital by ambulance not breathing they took his smart watch off and handed it to me I saw a random picture button must been caught so after they left and he was stable I looked wrong I know and was hundreds of same sort of pictures. I held off as long as I could but spoke to him in hospital 3 days later as he knew something was off I couldn’t hardly look at him or kiss him when I left. He promised it was a strange habit and wouldn’t do it again. I moved on more to life right till I found it again yesterday I asked him a few weeks back if he been on it or feels he needs that he said no I’m not risking losing you over that. the other thing is we haven’t been intimate for a good 2 years now as he has issues down below and couldn’t. I accepted it as I love him so deeply and sex wasn’t and isn’t a deal breaker for me. However at times I get not even hugs and find he is looking at that disgusting stuff again what do I do. I feel as tho I’m wrong for looking but it was genuine reason to use the iPad and he said I could. I love him so much he is a great partner and does so much for me and makes me really happy. Maybe I just needed to rant I don’t know what would you do ?

That’s quite a sordid backstory op

and so the latest discovery should be of very little surprise

he’s gross. The ball is in your court re what you do. But I know what I’d do. End it.

the thought of this man being or becoming a father is terrifying

Unfortunately think most men (and some women) regularly use porn. All kinds on these sites. Not my thing personally. When you say ‘extreme’ that could be subjective. Don’t get me wrong, sounds really (!) distasteful but if adults depicted are consenting then much as we might find it a huge turn off it seems to do something for him.
Problem with porn can be that some folk need to keep upping the ante to get the same fix. Why would he look if it does not arouse him? Given the drought with you both can totally understand why knowing he has a secret (sordid some might say) fetish that he indulges then hides, which he agreed not to do would be upsetting.
Really you have only a couple of choices. Accept it or leave. Asking him to promise not to again hasn’t worked. He’s lied before so will again and all you’ll do is drive him to want to cover his tracks better. I’m sorry OP. Not a great discovery and think this type of thing more common than we think. Must be lots of DPs unaware.

There is a specific fetish - kinbaku- which is about tying women up in ropes.
If he is into this fetish then him saying he will not look at these sites again just please you will be meaningless. Of course he will continue but just try and hide it from.you.
You either need to accept that he is into this form of bandage, that that's who he is. Or leave the relationship.

Don’t get me wrong, sounds really (!) distasteful but if adults depicted are consenting then much as we might find it a huge turn off it seems to do something for him.

Yeah, I bet he’s painstakingly checking that everyone has freely given enthusiastic consent.

Wait.

No. He doesn’t give a shit, and gets off on the exploitation, abuse and other harm done to women involved in the porn “industry”.

Thanks all. Guess I have a hard long think before I go one way or the other. I get people do look at these things it’s not for me (bad past with ex and abuse)
im so pleased I’m not the only one that thinks it’s disgusting I was getting in my own head about it all

Is it like extreme BDSM or rope art, commonly known as shibari?

I’m not even sure but to me was extreme I don’t even know what I can and can not say here to explain it..
but none of it looks nice and a lot of it looked painful when bits are blue with how tight things are.. idk how to explain it the site did say was for extreme fetish and bondage etc

sorry that is of no help to ur question 🤦‍♀️

That sounds absolutely vile, OP! My fanny would clamp shut if I saw that on Partners iPad! Pretty sure my respect and trust in him would clamp shut also!

There'd be no way back for me I'm afraid. Good luck in whatever you decide x

Urgh. So he gets turned on by women being tied up yet can’t function to have sex with you?

I’d dump him. Vile. You’re not overreacting.

Extreme porn addict. He doesn’t have problems downstairs, he can longer have loving sex with his own partner because his brain is addicted to the dopamine rush of women being hurt whilst powerless. A lot of the women in these images will be abused and trafficked in real life.
It is not just a weird habit.
All this crap about ‘not losing’ you he’s in denial and lying to you.
He is not a great partner.
If you stay with him this is your life now.
There is more to life, right? Yes there is. With an equal partner who treats you with respect. I can’t see how you can be really happy, you sound in denial, too.
Sorry for being blunt but you sound like a lovely person.

I get where you all coming from what your saying is exactly how I feel right now and I know In my own mind once was bad enough but twice after everything I only just started to trust in that part again (stupid me)

crazy enough our sex life dried up as he has issues downstairs and it retracted inwards so doesn’t/carnt get erect or can give himself any physical pleasure anyway so it’s all just messed up I don’t get it at all … sorry I should made that more clear just strange talking about it .. I’ve not got anyone I could talk to in real life on this situation.. either way he has gone to stay else where tonight I need to get my head together and feel stronger for what’s to come

Your description of his downstairs problem is very odd. Has he actually been diagnosed with something, has he seen a doctor? Or is this just what he’s telling you?

He wasn’t ever going to stop looking at porn. If there’s no affection he ha has checked out and is probably just staying for convenience.

You hit the nail of what I was thinking it’s sick it’s like some power trip of defenceless women. I’m mortified embarrassed ashamed and even thought was it my fault I know I’m stupid … my last marriage ended after a long time of abuse in every way possible so makes this much worse as he knows my past and what it did to me for many years.

just need to bite the bullet and do what I know I need to it’s just a scary thought to face this but I’m not living with that I couldn’t even look at him just made me want to be sick .. the worst part is I’m not mad I didn’t shout just felt numb sick and violated in a way

sorry rambling

He has been to the doctors and needs an operation to get it functional place again but with his other medical issues right now they won’t take him for it .. I don’t remember the terminology for it sorry head is a mess right now

It all sounds very dubious op.

Why would he look at porn if he can’t relieve himself? He has fantasies of dominating women (and probably more).

Yeah it's bdsm bondage. If you Google shibari, you won't be offended, it's an art form I'd say.

It did look quite similar just that looked more tasteful than what he was looking at and less painful I guess …