I don't know whom to talk to, right now I feel kind of lost. We broke up yesterday of two and a half year relationship. This time, there really isn't going back. We broke up one time half year into the relationship, but decided it was too early to give up.
I'm really sad but at the same time, I kind of saw this day coming. I wasn't sure about this relationship in the beginning because of the important values that didn't align. I was also not hundred percent sure what I wanted in a relationship. It started rough. We were already fighting all the time in the beginning. I moved into his place soon after dating. It was very difficult to live with him. I'm not sure if it was OCD, but he wanted things a certain way, every thing has to be very clean. We even implemented cleaning Thursday which worked great but in the beginning, it felt like I was a maid working under him. He would delegate me around, he would come and check if I cleaned "well". Honestly, it was exhausting. I felt like our conversations were not clicking. We didn't talk much about deeper stuff. We had different view of the world. He didn't share as much as I'd like and I felt like he wasn't much interested in what I had to say unless it's something he is interested in.
Maybe you'll ask, then why did you stay? Partly, I kind of like the contrast. He showed me different sides that I would like to explore, I have a naive perspective and it was fresh to see his way of thinking, although I didn't always like it. He was not lazy but he was not ambitious. I thought that was also refreshing too, because although I have constant drive for learning and growth, I was also constantly being harsh on myself, sometimes even burning out. His way of viewing things helped me calmed down my own drive and being nicer to myself. Although with time that maybe killed some of my drive.
I've also been a selfish and stubborn partner. This was both of our relationship. I was having hard time compromising. I was having hard time trusting him. I would often assume that he had bad intentions, I would often try to hold on to myself to not let go of who I am. I would often be defensive and put my guard up to protect myself.
The final thing that probably killed it all was our bedroom. He has very high libido and although I had (what I would say) more normal, it didn't work out. He felt like we were roommates and the bedroom didn't work out. He was not fulfilled. That was the final straw that killed everything. I think it's sad that he was not able to comprise this. I've seen him working hard to change himself for the better, for me. It's hard to see him go. It's hard letting all the good memories go. It's hard to say goodbye to all the experiences. I'm sure we will still see each other very frequently due to circumstances. But I wish I was nicer to him. I wish this could work even though there were so many uncertainty. Or, am I still too naive?