Four year old delightful on his own, horrible when I’m with dad

[ifyoustandverystill]

No idea if this is normal and common. DS is four and mostly fine with just me and his younger sister. Polite and sweet, doesn’t always listen brilliantly and sometimes have to say something twenty times more than once but not really any different to any other four year old.

When I am with DH though he becomes so rude and argumentative and defiant. It’s like having a different child.

i can’t think why … our relationship is good, but it means holidays and days out aren’t always enjoyable. Does anyone have this and why?

What about when he and DH are together without you?

I think he’s fine.

Is he rude and defiant towards both you and your husband eg if you ask him to do something, or is it just towards you but not your husband when you are together?

It’s either an attention thing as there’s less attention on him or you and your DH have different rules when you’re with him so he pushes the boundaries.

When you’re with DH, your attention is largely on DH and a lot less on him. Conversation doesn’t include him, he’s at a different height and wouldn’t catch half the words anyway. It’s jealousy for your attention.

Both of mine do it too, including when I’m with friends. We’re working on it though.

Thanks @VikingLady . He’s just been horrible this weekend. Not all of it but a lot of it, to the point where I’ve felt real dislike on occasion.

Is dh around all the time? Is it a rare thing for you to all be together? The reason I ask is that my dc used to really play up when grandparents visited. They would look forward to them coming so badly but then would be awful. I think they would big ir up so much in their heads and then couldn't cope when it wasn't the 'Disney ' experience they imagined. E.g. grandparents didn't want to play every second.

Is dh his dad?

@ifyoustandverystill - we had the same experience @3teens2cats mentions when our DCs were 3 or 4. Awful behaviour when parents and grandparents were all there. Much better when it was either parents or grandparents. It changed as they got older.

DH (he is his dad) does work in the week but he isn’t such a novelty I wouldn’t have thought. Maybe it is though. I know it’s hard for DS as I also have a toddler who is quite demanding. But I am struggling a lot with his behaviour when dad is around.

Sounds like jealousy or attention-seeking, showing off to his dad?

What does his dad do when he's behaving like this?

It’s very hard to know what to do. I find him impossible when he’s like that; we both do. It’s a cliche but it’s like talking to a zoo animal or something; no response or signs that he is listening. Gets very very angry easily - he’s been downright nasty to me over the past few days. But then delightful on a one to one basis.