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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Offering help vs requesting help

2 replies

Logicalzoo · 19/04/2025 13:15

This is an isolated incident but the summarised back story is essentially that nothing will get done unless I ask for help...but to me it seems that I need to ask for help even when it should be obvious that you should help someone?

DH is off for the bank hol. I'm a SAHM. Yesterday I took DD who is 2 to my mums house alone for 4 hrs so he had some time to himself. He works hard in a professional job at senior level.

I asked him last night if he wanted to some to the zoo with me and DD today, he said no and that he was tired. This is genuinely not a problem as often things go smoother without him there.

Anyway so this morning I get up, get me and DD ready, breakfast etc. I make lunch for us to have at the zoo. I prep tonight's dinner. I'm putting everything in the car. I'm also 5 months pregnant.

DH has made himself a coffee and is watching TV.

I'm carrying the pushchair through the house, trying to keep our 2 dogs and DD out the way and DH is just....sitting there watching. I give him a look. He starts saying 'what? What?'. I'm like 'if I had a wife who was 5mo pregnant and could see she was struggling to carry a pushchair I'd help'.

He then stands up huffing saying 'well you have a mouth'. As in I should ask for help.

Thing is. I have asked many times and it's just met with him being annoyed. And he will do what I've asked but who wants someone to help them while also making them feel bad for the help? And it's like, I'm taking DD out so you have the whole day to yourself and you still can't help without being explicitly asked? Eurgh.

Am I asking too much? I feel like I've genuinely lost sight of what's normal!

OP posts:
Emma543 · 19/04/2025 13:17

My partner is exactly the same OP it really frustrates me. I don’t think I should have to ‘ask’ for help to sort our own children he should just recognise this, but apparently not 🙄

Logicalzoo · 19/04/2025 20:12

Emma543 · 19/04/2025 13:17

My partner is exactly the same OP it really frustrates me. I don’t think I should have to ‘ask’ for help to sort our own children he should just recognise this, but apparently not 🙄

It's annoying isn't it. The worst part is I got home from the zoo and he's obviously feeling bad about it and knows he was wrong, but he didn't apologise and instead starting saying he will cook dinner (he never does this) and take the bins out (supposed to be his 'job' but I always end up doing it). So it's like...he ovbs does understand that he can just help without being asked.

OP posts:
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