I'm really very worried about ruining everyone's holiday by killing MIL - help needed, please

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My MIL is a lovely, lovely woman - we have loads in common and she's a fab granny, but.... after two/three days she drives my crazy. She's just too 'in your face' and has to involve herself in every conversation, every activity that's going on. Even to the extend that she repeats everything I say to the dc's. I think that even though I've been a part of her life that she's still trying to win me around as if I were a new girlfriend/wife.

During half term we are going on holiday with her and fil and I am seriously concerned that this holiday could go down in family history as a complete disaster. I am not the most tolerant person.

Normally what happens is by day 3 I start to back off from her, the more I do this, the more she tries/gets involved/interfears and the more I back off - it becomes a circle. We've never spent a week together.

I need to find some strategies so that I can 'manage' her and learn to be more tolerant. Whilst she is annoying, my irriatablity isn't very nice either.

Help!!!

no helpsorry pc time about to expire xxx

Start drinking on day 2 so you're ready for day 3? Can't help as I won't spend more than 5 minutes with my MIL.

Good Luck

Get an ipod shuffle or whatever they're called and just smile serenely at her when her lips appear to be moving.

Can you have some hobby or requirement that gives you a certain amount of time away from her? I know that I need about an hour to myself, generally, per day, or I go a bit 'wrong'. So, maybe you need to go for a long walk or run or whatever every day, on your own?

DH is lined up to have a impromtu chat with her about how we both like our 'space'. I guess I'd like to be a little less irritable and inclined to be watching and waiting for her next annoying moment. I want to be more laid back with her. Poor dh, no wonder he's so easy going.

running is very good for this

you HAVE to do it alone

all you have to do is run far enough to get out of sight, then you can slope off to the coffee shop

What kind of hol are you going on. I book myself some time - aerobics or spa stuff, or I say I'm on a fitness thing and bike/swim every day.
I'm very honest with dh so that when i kick him he knows to take over the conversation.
In an emergency I leave the room and say i've got a headache.
Or I get the kids shoes on in my room, creep to the door and shout'Just off for a quick swim - you have a rest' and then run for it.
My mil has no life/ interests outside her children/grandchildren. It's really quite tragic and she is very helpful.I did have to say no to 2 holidays in 1 year with them recently though.
I think of it like work colleagues - I spend more time with mil than I do with my friends, but that's part of my job and I have to be polite and professional at all times.

The other thing I might try doing is to give her a bit of 'quality' time - pay her some real attention, etc etc, and see if that makes her chase you around more? Maybe 30 minutes of real time together might buy you a few hours of peace? [optimistic]

NQC - I was wondering if that would help. It's a risky strategy because it could encourage her even more to hang on my every word. Equally if she felt safe in the knowledge that I do like her then maybe she'd back off a bit.

Ok, I'm going to make a thoroughly non-English suggestion here ... could you talk to her about this?

I mean, ok, not talk about her pathetic insecurity per se, but say 'I really like you, but I'm the sort of person who needs a bit of space, and I worry you interpret that as a dislike of you - when it's just how I am.'

luckylady74 - you are undoubtedly a better woman than I am but I am going to remember that strategy next time I am already getting irritated with my MIL before she even walks in the door. Not sure I ever managed it at work, but hey, I'm older and wiser now...

I'm still smarting from a recent holiday with the pil, I get on with them but too much time together was a 'mare. dh and I have said that if we ever do that again (!)we'll try and split up a bit more. eg we went to the Lakes, pil like hill walking but it was hard with dcs, we should have suggested they go by themselves. We wish we'd asked them to take the dcs so dh and I could have had a day to ourselves, we could have suggested we take the dcs to a kiddy orientated day out while they do something more grown up.

We did have a day where dh and fil went hill walking and me, mil and the dcs had a day together which, surprisingly enough, worked really well.

Maybe mixing and matching could work?

(meant they have a day walking by themselves, not a whole holiday.)

(( then again ...))

Would it really spoil the holiday if you killed her after a nice cup of tea on the afternoon of day one?

NQC - you are a fab woman, do you know I've pondered how to talk to her about it for 10 years and always thought it would be too hurtful for her. You got it bang on, ever thought of being a counsellor?

ProfY&luckylady - we are going on a cruise so I hope they'll be plenty to do and lots of excuses reasons to split up regularly.

Personally I'd just talk in a chatty way about one of your "friends" who's a bit too full on and while she's lovely it's too much for you to cope with after a while because you really value your own space. Tell her how you get really claustrophobic and naggy, and you've had to back off a bit from her. Really emphasise that you regain your equilibrium after visiting friends like that by having time by yourself.

Maybe it'll click into place and you won't ever have had to say anything!