Dating in 2025 - share your experience

[Sweetlove23]

I need advice from fellow mumsneters!

I am nearly 40, last year came out of a 13 year relationship so I haven’t been single since my mid 20’s. And my god has the dating game changed.

i guess im trying to ask how to navigate the online apps. Im looking to make connections and if someone isn’t interested its cool but I also don’t want to waste time talking on the app so here are my questions:

Will men be put off if I reach out first rather than waiting for them to? Do you wait?

im quite confident to ask them out first if I think a conversation is going nicely but is this a turn off? Should I wait for them to ask me? Have you ever asked?

how long should I wait to ask as ideally I’d rather ask sooner and not waste time?

what are signs in your experience that are time wasters, who just want a penpal or ego boost? I mean not asking me questions and getting too sexual too quickly are massive turn offs for me. I guess it’s like at what point do you just call messaging a day.

any help appreciated.

Bumble is the best app for you as women send the first message once you’ve matched.

@TwistedWonder i will try that. On Hinge at the moment.

Uk free dating. I find suits me
Usual amount of time wasters/fantasists and married but ok if you just want casual and free of course!
Good luck, let us know how you progress x

I follow the Burnt Haystack group on Facebook and see it all in a completely new light now. The group owner is a critical discourse and rehetoric professor and helps you recognise early toxic patterns and indicators from the profiles and responses of men on dating apps.

Hopefully it can help you weed out the losers and time wasters quicker so you can find your needle in the haystack sooner.

I wouldn’t chat longer than three ish days before firming a meeting up. If you chat too long you can create a false sense of bonding which isn’t there in the flesh and that can be very disappointing. Then after a time and date is set, I don’t chat much for the same reason, just check in on the day or the day before.

And I prefer a coffee/half an hour length. You might meet and know immediately that the vibe is off, there’s no point committing to a meal or certain length of time without meeting in person. You can always extend it if you both want to.

I wouldn’t worry about men being put off by you messaging first. If you want to do something and they don’t like it, then is it a good match anyway?

You can now change some setting in Bumble so anyone can message first.

@cantpullthetrigger have you seen the stuff on BH about hiding Bumble profiles and Bumble unhiding them ‘in case you change your mind’? 😡

Im on that page too but i find it confusing. I've read the links on my FB app on phone but I don't understand the principles

I did see the evolving saga with Bumble recycling blocked profiles. Pretty shocking if they indeed are/were doing that.

Re the principles, the more examples of them I see, the better I am at recognising them.

Oh they are doing that. Many many women saying previously blocked profiles are now being shown. And a screenshot of Bumbles message clearly saying ‘in case you change your mind’.

Bumble got a lot of bad press last year over their advertising campaign which basically said hooking up with a random bloke online was better than being celibate - they apologised but for a female led dating site it was tone deaf.

Oof. I didn’t know about that one.