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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Is the man you married the same man you are with now??

26 replies

Sanctuary · 16/05/2008 18:08

Went out a few nights ago with the girls and the converstation came up about husbands/partners.

On how they have changed some beyond belief.(they look like and sound like the man they married but that is far as it goes)

This was one example

That years ago they would never have sat on the sofa scratching their balls in front of you.
They were more thoughtfull then than now

One of my friends said that if she could turn back time she would never of married him .She loves him but does`nt like him

Is this normal ???

OP posts:
Pheebe · 16/05/2008 22:36

Don't know about normal but certainly seems sad.

My DH isn't the man I married, he was a boy then, now he's a dad to my kids. His hair is starting to go grey, he's put on some weight and he's got taller

His attitudes to many many things have matured and he's more open minded and happy to discuss things rather than assert his point of view. He listens now. O and he's got much better in bed

Not the same man at all

much much better than I could ever have hoped for

littlewoman · 16/05/2008 22:47

Can't be arsed with a name change, so 'scuse me, here:

Xh used to sit around naked, and would crawl to the TV to turn it over, dragging his dangly dog's bllcks behind him. I just used to sit there and think,
"that would never have happened in Jane Austen's day".

BreeVanderCampLGJ · 16/05/2008 22:48

Yes.

davidtennantsmistress · 16/05/2008 22:52

XH has always been the same, just got a little lazier along the way. ut yes always the same the little things dropped a bit - he's starting to pick them up again now thou.

ib · 16/05/2008 22:54

No. He was a kid, now he's a grown up.

Thank goodness

trefusis · 16/05/2008 22:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Janni · 16/05/2008 22:59

DH was a boy and has become a pretty fine husband and father, certainly with no more faults than I have as a wife and mother!

BreeVanderCampLGJ · 16/05/2008 22:59

Actually not strictly true....after a few years together, he learned how to use a toilet brush.

Miaou · 16/05/2008 23:04

mmm, interesting question. No he's not the same, but that's not a bad thing.

I'm not the same, and that's not a bad thing either

(we've been married nearly 14 years btw so a fair while in which to change!)

ChocolateRockingHorse · 16/05/2008 23:07

God no. He used to be soooo laid back.. now he's as stressy as me and it shows. We've both had counselling; he's had more though. Don't know whether is the unprecidented situation that's done that to him or just me!

hunkermunker · 16/05/2008 23:08

No, but I'm not the same man he married either, so that's fair enough. If I was and he wasn't, we'd be divorced [cryptic] [hamster]

Original poster
Sanctuary · 16/05/2008 23:10

With Dh when we met the glass was always half full know its always half empty

Kids and responsibility now I suppose

OP posts:
TwoCurlyWurlies · 16/05/2008 23:50

My MIL says my dh has been the same since he was about 7 (he's 35 now), so no, he hasn't changed.

But I can relate to the OP - I tried to explain to dh recently the difference between feeling relaxed in your own home with your wife, and the things I really don't need to see!

Elephantsbreath · 16/05/2008 23:54

hunker are you a man then?

hunkermunker · 17/05/2008 00:04

Yes.

Of the wo variety

tinylady · 17/05/2008 00:18

I think a certain amount of compromise is needed to make a good marriage last.
If he wants to sit on the sofa scratching his balls in his spare time you have to let it go. It's not a terrible thing to do.

Peridot30 · 17/05/2008 00:28

Yes i would say mine has improved too.

Tortington · 17/05/2008 00:29

yes, pretty much

he says sorry more often though

Tortington · 17/05/2008 00:31

that was actually really shitty of me and not fair - he is really superb 90 % of the tmie and really thoughtful

Joash · 17/05/2008 00:40

Mine looks and acts a lot younger than he did when we first met just over 27 years ago. His parents were quite old when they had him and although he was only 20 when we met - he acted about 90 and a lot of his attitudes and opionions were 'old'. He wore gigantic Y-fronts FFS (who the hell puts buys a 20yr old y-fronts) and had glasses and some clothes, identical to his dad - OOOPPS. His mummy used to do absolutely everything for him, including cutting his bloody toenails.

He wouldn't dream of 'sitting scratching his balls'. He has definately improved in the sex department - he was a virgin when we met and has now been taught very well .

littlewoman · 17/05/2008 00:52

Yes! I don't want to see ball scratching either. Quite agree Joash.

Minum · 17/05/2008 05:59

Definately hes grown up a bit, he still is just as much fun though. Maybe a bit less refined in the house, than when we first got together, but still really lovely manners. Overall improved, I'd say.

Flame · 17/05/2008 07:55

Mine is quieter - if that is at all possible

shreksmissus · 17/05/2008 08:46

Message withdrawn

TLV · 17/05/2008 10:21

I don't know about mine, I thought I knew him but when we split up I saw a different person, we are back together working things out (he is living away whilst we do counselling) I think one thing i have noticed and looking back, is that he is quite imature at times (funny how you don't notice somethings). I so want to tell him that he needs to do some serious growing up tho without it heading straight down the argument path, any ideas??