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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Tinder…yay or nay?

58 replies

SingleRoo123 · 18/04/2025 18:09

Hi all!
So I have joined all the usual dating sites. POF was awful. My inbox was full of men asking me what my kinks are! Tinder has been quite successful. Good amount of matches, had some good chats, no inappropriate comments, quite a pleasant experience so far. I have matched with a guy and we have spoken about going for a drink. Just want to know what everyone’s thoughts are about Tinder and meeting people. I have never done anything like this before so I am a bit nervous 😬 Thanks all x

OP posts:
feelingalittlehorse · 19/04/2025 17:31

I avoided Tinder after thinking it was mainly for hook ups. Spent 7 years on and off Hinge and Bumble with no success (few horror stories, just none for me!).
Set up Tinder. First match I’ve been with for 8 months now and so far so good 🤣🤣

Freeflight · 19/04/2025 21:24

I'd say they are all the same really and you will see the same people across them all once you have been on there long enough (sadly, that's me)
I'd say people wanting hook ups are across them all so use whatever one gives you some people in your area and get chatting. Try to meet fairly early on and lots will leave you matched even if they don't chat (I think they just like seeing all their matches)
Be as thick skinned as you can, as although it is possible to meet someone (and I'd hold onto that idea), there are more of us who are still searching so it isn't all fairytale endings.

Tootiredtowhat · 19/04/2025 22:16

Freeflight · 19/04/2025 21:24

I'd say they are all the same really and you will see the same people across them all once you have been on there long enough (sadly, that's me)
I'd say people wanting hook ups are across them all so use whatever one gives you some people in your area and get chatting. Try to meet fairly early on and lots will leave you matched even if they don't chat (I think they just like seeing all their matches)
Be as thick skinned as you can, as although it is possible to meet someone (and I'd hold onto that idea), there are more of us who are still searching so it isn't all fairytale endings.

I paid for the subscription, I would then just swipe based on pictures and only bother to read the profiles if I got a match. It was too time consuming to read prod files of people when the wouldn’t match back; I also would see someone’s profile I liked and feel let down waiting for them to match back. By churning profiles like this I found it much less emotionally draining.

Sodthesystem · 19/04/2025 22:26

Tinder is the best out of a bad lot.

The paid sites are filled with oddballs and narcissists.

Plenty of fish for some reason, looked like everyone on it was on a police watch list imo xD

Hamabeed · 19/04/2025 22:32

I met my DH on Tinder 10 years ago.

SingleRoo123 · 19/04/2025 23:14

Sodthesystem · 19/04/2025 22:26

Tinder is the best out of a bad lot.

The paid sites are filled with oddballs and narcissists.

Plenty of fish for some reason, looked like everyone on it was on a police watch list imo xD

A guy on POF said I should maybe change my hair and face and I wouldn’t need to be on dating sites. I hadn’t even rejected him 😂🤣 Absolute arsehole.

OP posts:
Sodthesystem · 20/04/2025 02:07

SingleRoo123 · 19/04/2025 23:14

A guy on POF said I should maybe change my hair and face and I wouldn’t need to be on dating sites. I hadn’t even rejected him 😂🤣 Absolute arsehole.

Probably took more than 3 mileseconds to reply to him and it broke his ego xD

I've taken to waiting a a day or two before I reply to their first message because it helps to weed out the narcissists. They either send you another message that's along the lines of '?!'. Or, it's just plain snarky. Then you know.

MsNevermore · 20/04/2025 02:50

I met my DH on Tinder 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️😂

SingleRoo123 · 20/04/2025 03:13

Sodthesystem · 20/04/2025 02:07

Probably took more than 3 mileseconds to reply to him and it broke his ego xD

I've taken to waiting a a day or two before I reply to their first message because it helps to weed out the narcissists. They either send you another message that's along the lines of '?!'. Or, it's just plain snarky. Then you know.

I wrote him a message back saying I didn’t know why he was so concerned as he didn’t stand a chance anyway. Hopefully his ego was suitably destroyed 🤣

OP posts:
Treesandsheepeverywhere · 27/04/2025 06:28

Good luck OP, there are decent people on there, just as you're on it.

You have to side-step a lot of frogs to find your one, but it takes a lot of patience.

There are definitely more bad apples than good, but keep trying.

I met DH online there and would never put him down as a tinder type.

He, like me, had tried everything else and thought, why not.

I was encouraged to stay on it by someone who met her husband on it and now know 3 people who married through tinder.

Some grim messages will make you want to delete your account and cleanse your phone, but remember not everyone is like that.

Good luck.

SingleRoo123 · 27/04/2025 10:22

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 27/04/2025 06:28

Good luck OP, there are decent people on there, just as you're on it.

You have to side-step a lot of frogs to find your one, but it takes a lot of patience.

There are definitely more bad apples than good, but keep trying.

I met DH online there and would never put him down as a tinder type.

He, like me, had tried everything else and thought, why not.

I was encouraged to stay on it by someone who met her husband on it and now know 3 people who married through tinder.

Some grim messages will make you want to delete your account and cleanse your phone, but remember not everyone is like that.

Good luck.

Ah thank you for your reply. I’ve stuck with it and chatted to quite a few matches. Only one has stood out though, we were going to meet, we exchanged numbers, he was really keen but he has went AWOL so I’m a bit disappointed.

On the whole it has been a decent experience. The men I have spoken with have been very nice and respectful. No dodgy messages or 🍆 pics. I just find myself swiping left all the time though, I think I am too picky 🤦🏼‍♀️

I’m sure I will get there eventually, the right one will pop up…I hope 😂

OP posts:
MoominMai · 27/04/2025 10:43

OP, are you on Tinder now? I’m curious as it has by the far the best anecdotal reviews from this thread though like you I always thought it was a hook up site only.

CiscoTS · 27/04/2025 10:57

HeatedBlanketAllYear · 19/04/2025 15:08

I’ve just asked out my last match on hinge as I’m not waiting days for a back and forth that’s a max 2 daily messages from him. I’m not hopeful.
So I’m setting up a Tinder profile and has anyone used ChatGPT to write a bio? It’s amazing! Just listed my hobbies and kept saying make it funnier until it created something so much better than I could write. Loved it!

I hate this AI stuff. I can understand you might generate more interest, but surely you’re giving yourself a false representation of who you are (I.e not as funny as your profile suggests)?

HeatedBlanketAllYear · 27/04/2025 11:29

CiscoTS · 27/04/2025 10:57

I hate this AI stuff. I can understand you might generate more interest, but surely you’re giving yourself a false representation of who you are (I.e not as funny as your profile suggests)?

Well it’s not a stand up comedy script but it does list my interests in a really well structured way. Saying make it funnier doesn’t add jokes in, it just makes it less formal.
Only time will tell whether any matches are disappointed with me in real life 😂

MoominMai · 27/04/2025 11:36

HeatedBlanketAllYear · 27/04/2025 11:29

Well it’s not a stand up comedy script but it does list my interests in a really well structured way. Saying make it funnier doesn’t add jokes in, it just makes it less formal.
Only time will tell whether any matches are disappointed with me in real life 😂

Right?! From what I’m seeing on this thread, the bigger problem is actually pinning these time wasting feckers down for an in person date and if that means utilising all the technology that modern society can offer then so be it! 😂

HeatedBlanketAllYear · 27/04/2025 11:44

Exactly! Why should I waste hours of my time crafting a profile from scratch when the high number of likes or matches hasn’t actually turned into a date yet? I’ve asked a guy out and he immediately unmatched me, chatted to another who went on a short work trip to another city and fell off the earth never to be heard of again, then ended another chat as I wasn’t going to continue with one message a day at 11pm (likely when the wife was asleep).
It’s disappointing enough to swipe left on all the upchin photos, facial tattoos, landscape shots looking for discreet fun and the high number of old men insisting they’re 40.
Why shouldn’t I use all the shortcuts I can to see if there’s a normal human being there?

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 27/04/2025 11:54

Just to say on messaging, I was serious about finding a DH and even put that in my bio, but, I was working 80hr weeks and would only reply on a set day.

DH's friends told him to ditch me as I didn't seem serious, but I hadn't told him about the work schedule as it was temporary and didn't want to scare him off by coming off as a workaholic/ having no work-life balance.

There's a middle ground and obviously, don't get stuck waiting for ages.

Also OP, it's a numbers game as others have said.

I used to swipe left based on trival stuff, for example an area where DH lived was not so great, but he'd bought there to get on the property ladder and we've since moved.

Look at it as an investment into your future and the more dates you go on, the closer you get to meeting your future DH.

It's a shame when they don't commit to a date, but keep swiping.
Don't waste time on the phone either, I clicked with two but the actual dates were not great.

Unless obviously incompatible, I went on two dates each, allowing for first date nerves.

The other thing is people don't mention they met their partners on Tinder due to the hook up thing, so you'll be surprised how successful it actually is.

SingleRoo123 · 27/04/2025 14:44

MoominMai · 27/04/2025 10:43

OP, are you on Tinder now? I’m curious as it has by the far the best anecdotal reviews from this thread though like you I always thought it was a hook up site only.

Hiya, yeah I’m still on. I’ve chatted to prob over 12 men since I went on about a month ago and only one asked me to meet after five mins of messaging. The others have been respectful and very chatty. A few of them asked me out for drinks but I couldn’t go for lack of a babysitter so I said thank you but I’m not free. We are still matched and speak from time to time. What I’ve noticed is, I tend to match with younger guys and they are so respectful and want to have a full on chat. I would recommend it to be fair. I have matched with one I really liked, we exchanged numbers, got on so well but he has went AWOL. May have a genuine reason but we will see. Good luck 🤞🏼

OP posts:
Fajita123 · 27/04/2025 16:56

Hi. I was on hinge but after seeing this post I just signed up to tinder. I was on for 30 mins and it said I had 99+ likes, is this a scam to get people to sign up for gold? Or do you think it's genuine and it's worthwhile to upgrade??? I definitely can not be bothered to spend hours scrolling, I am already getting finger ache!

NotMrsBrown · 27/04/2025 17:03

A friend of mine's son met his GF on Tinder 3 years ago.

They are now married with a new baby.

It works for some !

HeatedBlanketAllYear · 27/04/2025 17:10

Fajita123 · 27/04/2025 16:56

Hi. I was on hinge but after seeing this post I just signed up to tinder. I was on for 30 mins and it said I had 99+ likes, is this a scam to get people to sign up for gold? Or do you think it's genuine and it's worthwhile to upgrade??? I definitely can not be bothered to spend hours scrolling, I am already getting finger ache!

I had the same and 99 (max) very quickly. As I’m swiping I can see who the likes are so I’m not signed up. I don’t think it’s a scam. Attractive women will get a lot of likes. Don’t get too excited though, until you’ll see who they’re from 😂

SquadGoals75 · 27/04/2025 17:16

Had my first Tinder date on Friday. Turned out he’d lied about his age. I wasn’t impressed and won’t be seeing him again, 😡

Fajita123 · 27/04/2025 17:29

HeatedBlanketAllYear · 27/04/2025 17:10

I had the same and 99 (max) very quickly. As I’m swiping I can see who the likes are so I’m not signed up. I don’t think it’s a scam. Attractive women will get a lot of likes. Don’t get too excited though, until you’ll see who they’re from 😂

😂 yes I have seen a few while I'm swiping but I guess I am impatient. That's one good thing about hinge you can see instantly if someone likes you.

How long do you guys typically spend on the apps. I give up after a few days and delete. I think that's where I'm going wrong, I neeed more perseverance!

HeatedBlanketAllYear · 27/04/2025 17:36

I’m still on hinge and I’ll check every couple of days. There’s no one on there that I’m interested in. I completed Bumble in 2 days and deleted it.
I’ll maybe spend a few mins in the morning and evening on Tinder swiping but it’s boring as hell. I’ve been on less than 2 weeks and although I’ve had chats they don’t amount to anything. You’ve got to be resilient but patient, and don’t let it take over your life. Even if you’re messaging, it’s still a stranger on the internet who could be anyone and disappear at any time. Or it could be ‘the one’. As so many people on here have said.

Sweetlove23 · 27/04/2025 17:48

Well I’ve been on hinge just over a week. I’ve had 5 matches. One who said he wanted to take me out and suggested this weekend but I was busy so made suggestions for other days, unmatched me 😂 another who gave me his number and we’ve been chatting all week, ghosted me since Thursday night so I’ve deleted his number and unmatched him (annoyed as this one lived in the same town and new people I knew who said he was ok), then two who sent me a message and haven’t replied since and then the last one has just asked me out for a drink and seems normal so we’ll see. Think I’m going to give bumble and tinder a go too. Like everyone has said, don’t take anything personal, enjoy chatting and don’t take it too seriously. I get notifications for hinge so tend to open if I get one or every few days will do some swiping but the pool isn’t amazing on there.