Am I being paranoid

[rosesarered79]

I’m worried my husband has feelings for a coworker.
My husband is very close to one of his female work colleagues. When he first started working with her her name would crop up a lot and naturally I was a little worried.
One night me and my husband accidentally swapped phones. We messaged each other on WhatsApp laughing about it, I noticed their whatsapp messages and temptation got the better of me!
There was messages on there going back months nothing that necessarily screamed they were having an affair but there was one night when he was out and he met up with her with his friends but didn’t tell me he had met up with her.
There was a few flirty messages but nothing obvious. This paranoia has been eating me up and I did talk to him about it a few months ago but he turned it round on me and said i was just being insecure and paranoid. I didn’t tell him i had seen the messages as I felt bad.

I have since checked his phone and he has deleted all the messages off her and is still continuing to message but not as often. He rarely mentions her now but I know they work closely together everyday which now seems strange.
What do I do 😭

I think you have posted before OP about your concerns that when your H is supposedly on work trips he is out drinking and partying with his colleagues. So secretly merting up with, and messaging, this female colleague would definitely fit in with the picture of someone who likes to behave as a single man.

The fact that instead of reassuring you when you voiced your concerns he has turned the blame on to you for being paranoid would suggest that he has something to hide as regards what is going on with this woman.

I think.you need to have another conversation with him and make it clear you need to know where you stand as regards your marriage. That you need to know the extent of his relationship with this woman.

Thanks for replying yes I did post last year, he does like to lead the single life when he’s out and i’m not saying he has cheated on me but he does like to push the boundaries with flirting with other women i’ve always turned a blind eye as he’s naturally quite flirty but something in my gut just doesn’t feel right. He’s not easy to talk to when it comes to feelings he gets very defensive and then turns it round on me. He is a loving husband a great dad and works so hard to look after us all. We still go out just the two of us and we are happy I just want to get rid of this paranoid feeling 😞

Well I don't think you are being paranoid.

I don't want to come over as victim blaming but you have by your own admission " turned a blind eye" to what a lot of other women would consider unacceptable.
For many their H flirting with other women would be considered cheating, or at the very least him sending signals to other women he is open to cheating if they are interested.

You presumably took wedding vows and unless you have agreed to an open marriage flirting with other women is in direct contradiction of what you presumably promised to each other when you got married. And you have actually no real idea how far he has taken this " flirting" , particularly if his work takes him away from home.

If up until now he has carried on his dalliances with other women with the knowledge you are aware of his modus operandi he must assume he can do what he wants and you don't care. And he must feel now he can push the boundaries with these women as far as he and they have a mind to.

If for some reason you now aren't happy with him doing just what he likes in your relationship you really need to assert yourself and remind him he is a married man. Whether he is prepared to change and treat you and your marriage with respect is up to him.
And if he continues to look outside your marriage for his validation and fun you need to decide whether you are prepared to accept this or not.

he does like to lead the single life when he’s out

that is all you need to know