I think I've checked out of my marriage

[Flowerpower101]

As the title says.. Hi everyone I'm not sure if I'm looking for advice or to see if anyone has ever gone this during their relationship.
So a little back story been with my DH for 10 years now have 4 little ones and for years now I feel like I've begged my DH for the bare minimum in our relationship. He's a great father can not fault in that but he's never really been affectionate even though he knows that's something I crave in marriage, once in a blue moon will come and give me a hug or a quick kiss however most of the time it's me running to him like an idiot. Unless it's to do with sex never really touchy feely with me again it's me running to him and doesn't ever bother initiating things like date night and if I organise it I feel like it's a chore for him and I'm begging him. I don't know what has happened to me lately it's like a something switched in me when we had one of our many arguments of telling him I feel like this and of course him getting defensive rather than acknowledging my feelings, I don't really feel anything towards him I don't feel sad or angry or hurt I just feel done. I've stopped saying 'love you' as I did randomly after a phone call or bedtime and him mumbling it back. I think he's noticed all this as he now is kind of begging for my affection and planning date nights which tbh I can't even be bothered with, I rather spend time with my kids and friends. He has a few times asked if I'm OK what's wrong but the truth is I actually don't know what to say to him as I don't know myself I just have this feeling I can't be bothered anymore, I can't be bothered to ask for the bare minimum for the 1000th time, I can't be bothered to argue I just want to be happy and have acknowledged I can only make myself happy.
I'm sorry for the long essay but would appreciate if anyone gone through something similar can share their experience and what came of it.

Yes, I felt exactly the same. Almost 20 years married and just felt indifferent. I was exhausted of begging for and craving to be heard but after a while, felt so resentful I didn’t want any affection from him anyway. I left, and it’s the best decision I ever made. I have kids, it’s not easy but I’m still glad I made the choice to leave. We get in better now than we did when we were together and the kids are happier and more settled too x

You are not alone

Thanks for the response @Shoemadlady thats how I feel resentful for asking for the bare minimum for years. It's nice to hear you get on now, obviously if it weren't for the kids I would of left years ago but does get tricky when kids are involved. Not sure if I want a divorce or just a break from him

I have pm you

The problem is you are completely different to your DH - he obviously isn’t the affectionate type. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t feel love, just that he may not express it in the way you recognise. You are asking him to change something fundamental, and remembering to keep that up is not easy with every day life. It’s shot for you but basically you are incompatible.

Tell him how you feel . Going back to the early days he must have been doing something right to attract you.
Let him know that as the years passed , his romantic input has resulted in too little , too late and you after many years of him not reciprocating to you had made you shut down .
Maybe you could give him the chance to prove all is not lost ( if you want that )
Single life with kids is not easy . But living a lie is not either .

You need to have a proper conversation. I don’t think all is lost if he’s noticed and has started to try.

Having 4 kids in 10 years can’t have been easy on the relationship either. Talk to him and see if you can fix it.

This!

my husband is more affectionate than me (loves hugs!) Often my husband will ask for a hug and that works for us. I’m always happy to oblige! And I have a very affectionate huggy child that just leaps on me. But it would not occur to me to hug people that often if they didn’t ask.