Page 2 | Partners Family Talk About the Ex

Yogabearr · 2025-04-17T21:29:21+00:00

I've had lots of issues with my partner being stuck in a custody battle, to the point where I've had to tell him to stop repeating the same thing every day. It involves talking about how well he treated the ex and how awful she has been. There's truth in that. So on holiday with my family he starts talking about it and how well he treated her. I felt hurt about the past again. Then recently we were away with his parents and between them keep mentioning her negatively, they'd chime in with "oh you went there with her didn't you?" to my partner. And other stories about sleeping with air con on involving her. I was hurt he didn't shut this down and added to the conversation. Is it me who's being irrational by feeling disrespected?

Original poster

Yogabearr · 19/04/2025 01:03

Thank you all. I'm so caught up, I'm illogical. This has given me a big wake up call. It's very hard when I have him constantly telling me I'm overreacting.

OP posts:

RedHelenB · 19/04/2025 01:18

category12 · 18/04/2025 06:44

You don't have to be with someone who'd rather rant about his ex than be present with you.

Other men are available.

This.

category12 · 19/04/2025 06:57

Yogabearr · 19/04/2025 01:03

Thank you all. I'm so caught up, I'm illogical. This has given me a big wake up call. It's very hard when I have him constantly telling me I'm overreacting.

He's invalidating your perfectly reasonable concerns.

Is he dismissive about other things in the relationship? Do you feel heard?

Notsosure1 · 19/04/2025 07:03

OP can’t really win here. She’s clearly unhappy, understandably so. If a lovely man popped up in her life and swept her off her feet she would be ‘confirming’ her idiot partner’s jaded outlook on (all) women. If she left before she met anybody else she probably still wouldn’t get any brownie points as she’d be abandoning him in his hour of need etc - it’s all about him, the hospital behaviour (so sorry you went through this) confirms he’s unable to think of others’ feelings or put them before his own. I wonder how he treats his children.

OP will be the bad guy whatever happens sadly, but would be interesting to see how he talks about her to the next woman, if there is one. Will she take the place of his ‘hateful’ ex or be a side note, even when the custody battle is finally over.

Men like him will blame women who leave them whatever happens - it never occurs to them to be introspective and consider why they were left, even if it becomes a pattern.

I hope you find someone far better who will treat you the way you should be treated, OP 💐

itbemay1 · 19/04/2025 07:08

Loadsapandas · 18/04/2025 21:08

IMO you are over an ex when you are indifferent to them.

If it was just about the court case he wouldn’t be reminiscing over the other stuff.

I’m also always dubious about men who say they did X in previous relationship yet do Y in another (ie he provided for her, if that’s even true, but 50:50 for you).

From what you’ve said, you’re boundaries are a moot point, he is obsessed with her and still will be even if you get him to stop talking about her.

in short, this isn’t a healthy relationship and I’d end it.

Agree with this.

LivingLaVidaBabyShower · 19/04/2025 07:11

HunsandRoses · 18/04/2025 15:18

It doesn't sound like he's actually ready to be in a new relationship because he's still so heavily involved in the old one.

How long after breaking up from his ex did you meet? it's possible he jumped into dating too quickly without processing the break up properly.

This.

H2 isn't emotionally available.

You are going to become collateral damage.
His custody battle won't be fast and even when it's over it won't be over.

jubs15 · 19/04/2025 08:52

Yogabearr · 18/04/2025 10:28

Thank you all. I have raised the issues, but I get the feeling he thinks I'm overreacting because everyone talks about their past apparently. But this is too much. I'm glad other women can see this too, it makes it clearer in my mind. Sometimes it's harder when you're in the thick of it.

"Everyone" doesn't talk about their past. When I talk about things I've done or places I've been in the past I say, "I" because I went there. I don't need to disrespect my current partner by telling him I went there with someone else. I've only had one partner go on about their ex and it was a similar story to yours - the same complaints over and over again. I literally ended up saying that he'd already told me and I didn't want or need to hear the same stuff again.

HiddenInCubeOfCheese · 19/04/2025 09:20

Yogabearr · 19/04/2025 01:03

Thank you all. I'm so caught up, I'm illogical. This has given me a big wake up call. It's very hard when I have him constantly telling me I'm overreacting.

When people accuse of “over-reacting”, I like to say “hey, Newton’s Third Law of Motion - for every action there is an opposite and EQUAL reaction”

aka maybe I’m “over” reacting because what you just did or said was so WTAF batshit lunacy. Ever think about that?

spoiler: they don’t

Original poster

Yogabearr · 19/04/2025 09:47

More embarrassing, every couple of months he's had lone drink binge where he's nearly poisoned himself because he misses his children, but at the same token this deters a court from access. From my empathy I've asked him to get help and tried to be sympathetic. He agreed zero alcohol when alone, but last night laughed when I knew he'd been drinking again, and minimised even though another boundary had been broken. He keeps saying, I over analyze because I've got a masters degree in English, as if condescending me. When I met him, he's a tradesman, he thought people who had been to uni were snobs (his ex had no quals, still no job). I'm not anything of the sort, and raised my children while I went before my career in teaching now management. I feel so stupid now. Today I pack his things quietly, and I'm going to take them to a friend's as a mutual point. It has been the 'him' show. So thankful for all the sense given to me on here. It's a great platform.

OP posts:

Burntt · 19/04/2025 10:10

Op how do you know he treated his ex well? Everything you say sounds like he doesn’t treat women well. Any decent parent would quit the drink to see their kids. He’s gaslighting you.

also what the fuck is he doing getting you pregnant less than 2 years in when he’s not got contact with his previous children sorted?

my ex was abusive. He didn’t go on and on but had stories for how he was such a good partner and his ex was crazy. Got me pregnant fast too. As soon as I was pregnant he switched to being abusive to me. Took me a while to escape him and we had a court battle over the kids. I have no doubt he caught his new partner with stories of how amazing a husband and father he was and how horrible I am. When we were together he was very prefomative about how amazing he was to others. He now has a new kid with his new partner and lives off her in her house and she parents my kids when they have the court orders contact.

don’t fall for it see the multiple red flags and save yourself and potential children from abuse

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 19/04/2025 10:33

You deserve so, so much more than this.
He is clearly wrapped up in his ex.
And to be frank, one of the reasons the relationship didn’t work is because he’s an alcoholic.
I would suggest the ‘I did everything for her’ is a narrative he displays because he’s probably ruined that marriage. He might have provided financial support, but I suspect if you spoke to his ex she would have a different story. I’m not suggesting you do, but after 2 years it’s strange you’ve not met his DC.
The overreacting comments and the mentioning your Masters as a ‘reason’ behind your thinking - gaslighting.
Two years is two years but it’s not ten. Get yourself away from this man he does not deserve you.

Trashpalace · 19/04/2025 11:41

Yogabearr · 19/04/2025 09:47

More embarrassing, every couple of months he's had lone drink binge where he's nearly poisoned himself because he misses his children, but at the same token this deters a court from access. From my empathy I've asked him to get help and tried to be sympathetic. He agreed zero alcohol when alone, but last night laughed when I knew he'd been drinking again, and minimised even though another boundary had been broken. He keeps saying, I over analyze because I've got a masters degree in English, as if condescending me. When I met him, he's a tradesman, he thought people who had been to uni were snobs (his ex had no quals, still no job). I'm not anything of the sort, and raised my children while I went before my career in teaching now management. I feel so stupid now. Today I pack his things quietly, and I'm going to take them to a friend's as a mutual point. It has been the 'him' show. So thankful for all the sense given to me on here. It's a great platform.

Interesting. He says he wants his children but his behaviour says otherwise.

He claims to have treated his ex well but this is extremely inconsistent with what you are experiencing from him - gaslighting you, blaming you for 'overreacting', doing things to upset you but acting as if it's not a big deal - classic abusive patterns.

Tbh these are all probably reasons his ex left him. These men go all-in with love-bombing and impression management to begin with but over time these behaviours will really wear a person down.

Original poster

Yogabearr · 19/04/2025 22:19

I think you've hit on a great point, that I don't know how well he behaved, I've just been going by his concocted narrative. I feel such a fool tbh. Evidence would say, given the contempt she has, and the banning of custody, it can't have been great.

OP posts:

Catoo · 19/04/2025 23:26

Agree with PP.

He’s still obsessed with his ex and if she wanted him back tomorrow, he’d go running.

Leave him to his custody battle and let some other mug listen to all his moaning and whining. He’s so obsessed with her and the past that he is unable to appreciate the people who are good to him in the here and now.

You’ll feel less lonely when you’ve binned him off.

Clockface8 · 22/04/2025 08:26

Yogabearr · 18/04/2025 20:06

I agree with you. I would not respect a man that put me over their children. But to the same degree, I think it's unnecessary to talk about the ex rather than kids, especially on holidays etc. I need to have a real think about my boundaries with him that he oversteps.

Show quote history

But he’s a raging alcoholic op
and he puts booze above everything and everyone

Isabellivi · 04/07/2025 23:57

It’s hard but he’s going through a huge trauma and life striggle

it definitely isn’t to disrespect you but it’s understandable if you want to walk away

mstbe date other men. There’s a good chance you are the rebound- meaning you are there to help him feel better but he takes you for granted . I would take space. You are not being valued. You are a rebound. And he isn’t doing it on purpose. He’s just not in a place where he can give you what you need. Find a man who doesn’t have this baggage! And tell him to take time to heal before dragging a woman through his shit

Isabellivi · 05/07/2025 00:01

I’m so happy for you! Don’t waste another minute of your life babying this loser

he is not a victim

he has done something to lose his family and alcohol is likely part of it

Isabellivi · 05/07/2025 00:02

It’s like he is using OP as a therapist

yuck

everyone doesn’t have this level of negativity in their life. It’s a red flag

saraclara · 05/07/2025 00:05

It's not that he's just ranting though. That would be understandable given the fight to see his children. He's just mentioning the ex for the sake if it. Mentioning her at the hospital was entirely unnecessary and nothing to do with the court case, as are lots of the other examples of his mentionitis.

I didn't see a future with him, to be honest.