Advice needed

[Prima123]

Recently started a relationship back in December. Things have been up and down (more so for me) really great at times but a few things which have got me thinking;

1. money- I earn the uk average, him about £20k more. He recently bought a house, but still seems to spend spontaneously on big things, wants to go out for food often, book holidays etc. I live with family currently. I find myself paying for 70% of things out, we always go in my car on trips, booked a long weekend away and paid for it all (he has since paid that back) we have booked another trip and he now owes me about £500, although I made it clear I needed the money back within a few days of booking.. nothing as of yet. I saw a letter on the side that he has taken out a 5k loan, and has a lot on his credit card. This worries me, I’m looking to buy a house in the next 12 months so will have less disposable income then, but equally I think things should be more or less 50/50 unless one person is a super high earner.
2. support- went through a really tough time a few weeks ago, on the day of the medical procedure he text me a few times, and then went to his sports club in the evening… after I had told him how horrific the experience was. He then had a planned holiday the next day for 5 days… I felt this was super unsupportive?

Reading this back I see things aren’t right, but in many aspects the relationship is great but I feel finances and support are quite important parts? This is his first proper relationship, and I think the above reflect that. Don’t know if I need to just have an honest chat about the finances with him? I have already told him about the lack of support and that I won’t accept that moving forward.

any advice welcome!

Dump anyone who scrounges of you. He's obviously irresponsible with money and he's taking from you even though you earn a lot less.

I wouldn't expect a bf of three months to cancel a preplanned holiday because I'd found a medical procedure distressing. I'd expect some sympathy. but not a whole lot at that stage tbh.

So early on in the relationship, however, I'd also expect a bf to be a lot more considerate around money. In your position I'd say I need to have the 500 pounds asap, then when it went through I'd end it.

to confirm- I didn’t expect him to cancel his trip, but I did expect him to ask if I needed anything/pop round. The medical procedure was an outcome that both of us had played a part in..

Termination?

He sounds generally inconsiderate, at best. In my experience that makes for a lonely, unsatisfying relationship.

He sounds pretty self centred and ungenerous. I think lessons learnt for you are be stricter with paying and doing all the driving.

if this was indeed a termination I think it should have been booked so he could be there for you or at least he should have cared to be in touch more.

It's kind of the things where you'd like to think you wouldn't have to ask or push for someone to be considerate. I'm not sure this has legs. I wouldn't expend energy trying to make it work.

You’ve only been seeing each other a few months. Not long at all. I’d say at this stage of a relationship that each others financial situation is really nothing to do with the other. Not your business how he chooses to spend his money, you’re still very much separate people in the early stages of dating.
However, he should be paying you back money when he says he will and if you are continually paying more than your share when you are out and you are not happy with this then you need to tell him so.
if he has just bought a house and taken out loans he may not have as much disposable income as you (overall earnings are relative, so just because he earns more, doesn’t mean he has more free cash).

so either you accept this, rein in what you do together so you can both afford it, or end it and find someone else who has that cash to join you in weekends away, meals out or whatever

You're only 4/5 months into a new relationship and ,luckily, you are quickly finding out how selfish, immature and unsuitable this boy is. This is exactly why the first year is so important and we need to not get too emotionally involved in such a short space of time. You already see you can't trust him with fairness or openness in finances. Neither can you trust him to be there for you in your toughest times. If this was a good friend of yours, abandoned in her only time of need by such a low/ no effort, self centred, immature boy.... wouldn't you be disgusted?

Yet this is early days, when they are on their best behaviour.

This is not a good person. You are not responsible for trying to teach him how to be one. Please don't mistake his inexperience as any excuse for how he is. He is clearly showing you who he is, and he quickly needs to become a brief, past mistake you learn from. Good luck.

He's taking advantage of your good nature. You need to ask him for that money back as soon as possible. Once he's repaid it, then next time he wants to book anything or go anywhere, tell him you can't afford it so can he pay for you this time and you'll pay him back when you can. I bet he won't like that one tiny bit.
That will tell you exactly what you need to know.

Why on earth are you bankrolling a man you’ve only known a few weeks?

Read the thread about attracting cocklodgers and take the same advice.

I don’t think he should have cancelled a pre planned trip but he’s taking the piss re the money situation.

The fact you’re up and down after a few weeks is a very very bad sign.

Hes a CF - bin this user off

The medical procedure was an outcome that both of us had played a part in

If that was a termination, then yes, he definitely should have shown more care for you.

Plus he owes you £500 and you've only been together a few months. That's crazy.

Get your money back and dump him.