is this sexual abuse?

[quacklingduckies]

we have 2 young children together, we’ve been together for 5 years, have a car, house and cat together. i’ve been raped multiple times throughout my teenage years, he knows this.

we were drunk on tuesday night and i was black out drunk, i was falling in and out of sleep and waking up to him putting his in my mouth, putting it inside me, touching me. in the end i woke up and started screaming at him and hit him across his face.

i’ve been disgusted and feel sick even looking at him, he says he didn’t mean it with evil intentions and we were both very drunk. i don’t know what to do… im 20 years old, have been through the trenches with him and i feel he has fucked up our everything. how do i leave him? what do i do with my children?

he’s very adamant on we find a way to sort it out and keeps apologising… i don’t know what to do.

How old is he?

OP he raped you and you need to get you and your children away from him. Do you have anywhere to go?

You can contact Rape Crisis and the National Domestic Abuse Helpline both available 24/7.

I'm so sorry you've had to go through this.
At 20 years old you should not have to be dealing with this kind of trauma.

You have every right to be angry and disgusted. He violated you and he has lost your trust.
It doesn't matter that he was drunk. If someone starts raping women while he's drunk, that should be on him to know never to get that drunk. Being intoxicated doesn't excuse you from being a decent human being. There is no excuse for his behaviour.

I would seriously consider leaving him. He's not a safe person for you to be with.

Being drunk doesn't absolve a person of responsibility for committing a crime @Drjason 🙄

Op, your partner doesn't get to be "adamant" that this is resolved between you. He's the one who took the opportunity to sexually assault you when you were unconscious. He has no say in what happens next. None.

How could you ever trust him when you're vulnerable again?

You seem to have missed a word out but presuming you mean penis, then yes. This is sexual assault and rape.

Whether he was drunk or not, he knows what he did, he’s apologised for it so he knows he shouldn’t have done it. He is a rapist.

The fact that he knows you’ve been through that before in your young life makes this even more despicable. I’m so sorry you have to deal with this, you should be safe from molestation in your own home and bed. He needs to leave asap and you can then have space to think about your next steps. If you feel that there’s any small chance that he could get angry and aggressive please make sure someone is with you when you tell him to go. Its a lot to process and maybe some counselling would help before you jump into reporting him to police, so that you can get your thoughts straight, as it may well bring up a lot of old feelings from previous experiences of sexual assault. Be kind to yourself, take care of yourself and your babies, confide in a close friend or family member. And most importantly don’t let him gaslight you into thinking he didn’t do anything wrong. Keep any messages of him admitting/apologising and make sure to keep all communication with him in writing from now on.

Absolute bullshit.

OP - do you have a trusted friend/relative you can talk to?

we were drunk on tuesday night and i was black out drunk, i was falling in and out of sleep and waking up to him putting his in my mouth, putting it inside me,

He raped you. I'm so sorry.
Contact Women's Aid or Rape Crisis for support. You need it

"Consent means agreeing to what's happening by choice, and having the freedom and ability to make or change that choice. If you can't freely give consent then it's a crime, for example if you're asleep, too drunk to consent, or have taken drugs."
www.police.uk/ro/report/rsa/alpha-v1/advice/rape-sexual-assault-and-other-sexual-offences/consent/#:~:text=If%20you're%20threatened%20or,consent%2C%20or%20have%20taken%20drugs.

Absolutely disgraceful. Only a Rape apologist, misogynistic, serial speem donor inadequate man obsessed with materialism and money would say this. Reported.

Consent cannot be given if the victim is intoxicated. Disgraceful ignorance.

I'm so sorry to hear this happened to you and you did not deserve it. Most of us have probably been drunk in our lives. We did not decide to go having sex with unconscious people as a result. You didn't stark sticking thinks into your boyfriend when he was asleep because that's a horrifically violent and horrid thing to do. It sounds tough being young and with a history of trauma but you have so much life ahead of you. If I were in your shoes I would make a safe plan to get out with the children far enough for it to be safe and to a refuge. There might be security measures you could take in your home but you could be pressured or persuaded to take him back. The way he is insisting you forgive him and stay with him makes it even worse. If he wants to change has he gone and got treatment and told people he is a rapist? No he's just pressuring you and not giving you space. Please call rape crisis or another helpline. The problem with posting on Mumsnet is that you get lots of random opinions including from people who don't understand what consent and abuse is. I would definitely recommend some specialist help.