39 do I start again

[Anotherdaydown]

My BF of just over a year has started to show some behaviours that I don’t really like. In the early days he really put in effort and made me feel valued, now not any more. When I bring it up he just doesn’t care and basically tells me if I don’t like it tough I can leave.

My problem is I am desperate for kids, I am now clinging on because if I start again it is going to take me months to find someone, and then a year or so to get through the early stages.

Do I just accept some I am one of those women who doesn’t inspire men to treat them like gold and put up with it.

I can’t lose my chance to have kids. I’m just so much at a loss of what to do.

You don’t need a man to have a child @Anotherdaydown - that’s a lot of pressure to put on any new relationship. In your shoes I’d start saving to go it alone as a parent and if something happens in the meantime, that’s a bonus.

He's shit already.
If you have kids with him you're tied to him and his shit behaviours for years, if not life, even if you separate.
That's not the life you want.

Ditch him, have kids alone if you need to.
Don't settle, it'll make you miserable. You deserve better.

I think you should go down the sperm donor or IVF route.

Don't stick with some guy who is going to make you miserable in hopes you will have a child together. Heck, he might waste your time further and still not want to TTC with you.

Dump him, pursue other avenues.

Your romantic window of time is lifelong. Your biological child window is of time is getting small.

Depends on what behaviours we are talking about. I am not sure how realistic it is to expect any ordinary imperfect but decent human being to treat you "like gold" all the time.

You are going to massively regret having kids with him, or anyone like him.
Honestly, you'll end up breaking up anyway and doing the whole thing as a single mum , but on top of that you'll also have to keep on communicating with someone who'se already shown you he doesn't give a shit, and who may start making your life miserable because he can't deal with the rejection.
It's so much easier to just do it alone.

I'm not saying I think every woman should have children on her own. But in your case, when you're 39 and already doubting your 1-year relationship, I don't know what better options you have.

This was SIL 15 years ago.

Today she is a single, lone parent having had years of abuse followed by years of trauma as she dealt with the fall out of their break up.

Don't be SIL.

Do I just accept some I am one of those women who doesn’t inspire men to treat them like gold and put up with it.

I would wholeheartedly recommend you read "Men Don't Love Women Like You" by GL Lambert.

And I would leave the guy now without a regret, he really does not have much to offer, and the world is full of possibilities.

Just don't tell him if you get pregnant and bin him of go no contact. Or save up and go it alone x

Do not have a baby with this idiot. He will be a shit father as well as a terrible partner.
Do not feel that a level of desperation should drive you towards a man.
And finding a decent one who will jump into having a child - not happening. In fact men can sense it and run a mile. And so the ones you are left with are the truly awful ones.
I would go it alone. One if my best friends did (at 41) she had a lovely daughter who is the light of her life.
It was just the two of them for a decade, and then my friend met her lovely partner. It was only equal terms.

Better to do it with an anonymous sperm donor than a prick like him.

Agree with PP.
Get rid of him. It’s only been a year and he’s already acting like a 💩.
Don’t saddle yourself and your child with him for life.
Go down the sperm donor route.

But, if he treats you like shit, then the chances are he’s going to treat his kids like shit too and m, I’m sorry, but knowingly doing that to a child just doesn’t sit right with me.

I agree with PP - sperm donor route.