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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Dp has tv loud and I can’t stand it

26 replies

Girlof6 · 16/04/2025 22:39

So basically dp watches tv every evening, I don’t really watch tv, I’m normally on my phone or laptop or something. I think he has the tv loud, and I find it over stimulating and I can’t relax properly. He says he has to have it at that volume so he can hear it properly. I suggested he use headphones, he said no, that they won’t be comfortable. I said he should get his hearing checked but he says nothing wrong with his hearing! I said I think we need some sort of compromise, and he’s stormed off to bed and said he just won’t watch tv anymore 🙄.

what can we do? We have no other rooms to go off to, our downstairs is all open plan, kitchen and dining and living room all together, then the bedrooms all occupied by the kids. Our room we can’t use other than to sleep as we share with our 2 small dc. Babies. (We are trying to buy a bigger house right now) but in the mean time… I don’t want to argue about this! Suggestions?

OP posts:
EVHead · 16/04/2025 22:43

Tell him to stop being a twat and get headphones. They won’t be uncomfortable if he chooses well and gives it time to get used to them.

He’s being selfish. Is he often like this?

GooseOnMyGrave · 16/04/2025 22:43

Subtitles?

Seachanger · 16/04/2025 22:45

I know this isn't helpful but as someone who doesn't really like watching tv apart from the occasional programme I couldn't actually live with a partner who had the tv on every evening indiscriminately. And it being on loud would be intolerable.
I would also worry bringing up children in a household where the tv was on all the time .
So for me I would regard this incompatibility as a relationship breaker.

Original poster
Girlof6 · 16/04/2025 22:46

I wouldn’t say he’s selfish as a rule but he does have stupid man tantrums about things like this.

he said subtitles won’t work as he likes to hear the r music and sound ect…

OP posts:
MinervatheGreat · 16/04/2025 22:48

Why not try sub-titles?
Your handbook should tell you how to find them & set them for all time. That way he can have the tv on quietly and read whats being said. Many of us considerate hard of hearing folk rely on them.

If you click on the menu button on your remote and from that you should be able to get “Accessibility.” Ignore “Audio description”
and scroll down to “Subtitles.”

The reality is he should get his hearing checked too. He's being selfish when there are solutions to be had.

Good luck OP.

Ifonlyiweretaller · 16/04/2025 22:55

Similar to you, my husband has volume too loud so I can hear the TV from the dining room or our bedroom - both places I spend time as I’m not a TV fan either. I actually said it was unfair that I had tolerate the noise so he eventually agreed to getting some headphones. We got Sennheiser ones and it has made my life so much calm! And he doesn’t have to put up with me constantly saying “turn it down” to him 🤣 so a win, win!

sandyhappypeople · 16/04/2025 22:56

The joy of open plan living! Another reason Ill never be a convert.

I have to have subtitles on most things now, nothing to do with my hearing, but sound control on things is so varied, quiet films, hugely loud adverts, actors mumbling, or having accents etc, my DH doesn't like subtitles though as he isn't a fast reader and find it's too difficult to read them while also focusing on what is happening on screen.

You can get headphones that sit on your shoulders, or directional speakers which will pin point the sound to a more specific place in the room.

It would definitely be worth looking at options for that sort of thing if it is really bothering you.

Maitri108 · 17/04/2025 00:37

How about a blue tooth speaker on a small table next to him? Ear buds? Or you could get some noise cancelling earphones as a last resort.

Meadowfinch · 17/04/2025 00:44

He probably needs hearing aids (or his ears cleared of wax) but he's doing that weird male thing of refusing to go for a medical test because it offends his macho ego. Hence the flouncing off to bed in a strop.

Book him a hearing test at Boots. Maybe he'll find a shop less scary than a GP surgery.

PrincessFairyWren · 17/04/2025 03:20

My husband loves watching motorsports. Headphones have changed my life.

He was reluctant for ages until I bought him a pair and literally handed them over. I think it was because my request was coming right when he was winding down and enjoying the experience. When he wasn’t watching he would forget my request.

plus a slight element of man baby.

CaptainFuture · 17/04/2025 03:24

How loud is it? Are you not wanting to hear anything from the tv at all?

Pandimoanymum · 17/04/2025 03:35

God, what an immature reaction. Headphones are comfortable if you get a decent pair. I can wear mine for hours. I wear mine to watch tv sometimes as my house is tiny and my son can hear the downstairs tv in his bedroom if I’m watching something late at night. I like it as it makes it a more ‘immersive’ experience. Selfish of him to put up barriers to every reasonable suggestion and then flounce off.

SenselessDrivel · 17/04/2025 03:47

I had similar arguments with my DP, we are both neurodivergent and often have to make sacrifices for each other.

He tried headphones but he’s never been able to cope with them, I wear loops most of the time.

I usually wear the loop switch but they are hard to sleep in, I got the “loop quiet 2” ear plugs and they were so good for sleeping I just use them when he watches tv now.

They don’t drown out everything but they are good enough I can read my book in peace now with just a bit of background noise, you can get them on amazon.

parababe · 17/04/2025 06:37

Depends how loud is loud...? My BIL hates hearing the television, but when on the volume he thinks is appropriate, I can barely hear it. Surely its all about compromise....

Voyager54 · 17/04/2025 06:56

Can relate to this issue as my DP has a hearing aid and watches the TV a lot.

You need to say to your DP what is more important me or the TV.

You need to take advice about your hearing as it is driving me mad.

Cursory · 17/04/2025 07:05

Loud tvs are one of my pet hates, I can’t cope with the noise at all. Agree with previous posters, you need to tell him the sound comes down and he gets his ears checked or else.

MsRosewater · 17/04/2025 07:26

He is being an arse but can you wear ear plugs? I find cinemas volume too loud so wear loops

Original poster
Girlof6 · 17/04/2025 08:08

i will insist he gets his hearing checked. Yes I can wear ear plugs I suppose, maybe me wearing them will make him realise how selfish he’s being. He will get equally moody when he speaks and I don’t answer because I have ear plugs in 🤣.

it really is loud, my mums and sister have come round lots of times and mentioned it’s loud, so it’s not just me. And our teenager also says it’s loud.

OP posts:
Coffeeishot · 17/04/2025 08:12

My husband won't get his hearing checked so the TV would be blaring if I let him, our tv isn't "allowed" over a certain volume number I insist on him using subtitles. I would keep on at him op it's selfish to disturb other people who you live with.

Original poster
Girlof6 · 17/04/2025 08:35

parababe · 17/04/2025 06:37

Depends how loud is loud...? My BIL hates hearing the television, but when on the volume he thinks is appropriate, I can barely hear it. Surely its all about compromise....

Yes I want a compromise, I’m not asking him to never watch tv or watch it so he can’t hear it. But what’s the compromise? It’s definitely loud, it’s not just me that thinks so, our teenager says it’s loud and my sister who stays sometimes also thinks it’s loud, so I’m 90% sure it’s not just me.

OP posts:
pictoosh · 17/04/2025 08:42

He's being selfish...anyone who insists that their loud thing dominates the house all evening, whether it's music, tv, machinery...whatever, is a twat. It's commanding the space and that's not cool at all.

Loud telly every evening would piss me off as well.

Lillygolightly · 17/04/2025 09:01

I am partially deaf and I would have predicted that I would have been in your husbands shoes, except I find myself in yours instead. I find the noise totally overstimulating, especially when the TV volume is so load and he also tries to talk to me, it’s like my brain gets overloaded with the noise and it actually really stresses me out!

In fairness to DH he has a very noisy job and so I don’t think the loudness registers with him, but it can be exhausting for me at times. We have small children and obviously they are noisy all day with their noisy toys, kids tv and what not, then he comes home and the volume goes up another several notches. I regularly stay downstairs for an hour after everyone has gone to bed just so I can enjoy the quiet and try to decompress.

No advice but you have my sympathy.

Fleecedandzipped · 17/04/2025 09:15

I think it would be sensible for your DH to have his hearing checked. If he does have hearing loss, the sooner it's treated the better.

My DH has severe hearing loss and wears a hearing aid. When he watches TV it's always at a loud volume (e.g. when I'm on my own, I have the volume on about level 7 or 8, whereas he has it at level 21) and always with the subtitles on.

Most of the time when he watches TV it's when I'm not there. On the occasions when we watch something together, I have taught myself to tolerate the loud volume (I got used to the subtitles after a few years. Initially, I found them very intrusive but now I barely notice them). We rarely watch together for more than a couple of hours at a time (unless it's a very long film).

When he watches things on his laptop, he uses headphones.

Seaoftroubles · 17/04/2025 09:22

He is being very unreasonable but if he refuses to have his hearing checked try a Soundbar. l have mild hearing loss and found that helped with clarity.

Vegandiva · 17/04/2025 13:48

Fleecedandzipped · 17/04/2025 09:15

I think it would be sensible for your DH to have his hearing checked. If he does have hearing loss, the sooner it's treated the better.

My DH has severe hearing loss and wears a hearing aid. When he watches TV it's always at a loud volume (e.g. when I'm on my own, I have the volume on about level 7 or 8, whereas he has it at level 21) and always with the subtitles on.

Most of the time when he watches TV it's when I'm not there. On the occasions when we watch something together, I have taught myself to tolerate the loud volume (I got used to the subtitles after a few years. Initially, I found them very intrusive but now I barely notice them). We rarely watch together for more than a couple of hours at a time (unless it's a very long film).

When he watches things on his laptop, he uses headphones.

Is is possible you are putting yourself at risk of hearing loss by sitting in front a super loud tv? If he has the closed captions on that include all the noise descriptions could you not watch the tv with the volume on at a lower level together?