If you were in the process of separating/divorcing someone else when you met your current partner

[ChargeableHour]

Please give me you tips.

I have met someone so very lovely while both of us are in the process of negotiating divorce from long term marriages. DP is a bit further along in his divorce than me, but there is a lot going on emotionally at every turn.

How can I best protect this new relationship from all the drama? I want to give it the best possible chance.

Bump

I’m not sure you can. I met my current DH only 8 weeks after leaving my ExH (of 20 years). To be fair there was a lot of drama that he had to put up with. We got through it though and we’ve been together 17 years and counting. Just keep reassuring your new partner that he is your priority

Honestly, just totally avoid each other until both divorces are complete and things have settled down. Your emotions over the new person will just muddy the waters and will prevent you achieving a ‘good’ divorce. Just wait.

Too late I’m afraid.

And is this even realistic? Divorce can take a year and we’re in the first half of that for both of us.

Lord, you're both going through divorces?! This is such a bad idea. How are you managing to have any positive time together? Do you both have kids?

I met DH when I'd been separated from exH for approx 2 years and was navigating divorce with 3 x DC.

DH was (and still is) patient and understanding and he now deals with all of exH histrionics re the DC and he does it very calmly.

Biggest tip is to be honest and open about how you're feeling, where you're at etc.

Of course its realistic! We all make choices. Personally, I'd prefer a 'clean' divorce and to let the kids (if there are any) get used to the status quo before throwing someone new into the mix. Its your children that need protecting from the drama, not the new relationship (again, if there are any).

I met my partner 12th years ago when I was about six weeks into my divorce. To be honest it didn't come up much as I was careful not to let it.

This is bizarre - do you know how hard it is to meet great people? This guy is way too nice to ‘avoid’ - he’ll be snapped up and rightly so, he is fab.

Life isn’t this tidy. Which is why I am asking for tips from people who have been there and made a success of it.

Just go for it! I've negotiated divorce, moving home and a very successful new relationship including 2 lots of teens in parallel the last couple of years - dp still ploughing through his divorce as still-not-ex-wife is stalling at every opportunity the last 6 years (despite her instigating the whole break up by screwing someone else) and we've supported each other with divorce as well as enjoying life with each other. I will continue to support him through this for as long as necessary and pray I never meet her as would like to punch her squarely in the chops for being so continually vexatious and boy will we celebrate the day he's "single"!

I proprirised buying him out before divorce he left and got a flat straight away 12 months before filed for divorce.
Main tips.
Never say anything bad about what ex did as he will think you will accept it long term if you like him enough.

Don't talk about the divorce why bother?

Check his values online and check yours both do it same time don't talk until don't. Do they align or not.

Again don't talk about the ex

Don't spend a lot of time discussing your divorces or exes, I guess.

Lean on friends and family emotionally regarding the divorce rather than each other. Obviously it'll come up naturally, but shouldn't be the main topic or too much time given to it.

Have fun together, don't rush into domesticity, date. If you have kids, don't hurry introductions or blending families, take it very slow, let the dc get used to the end of the marriages not have to deal with the new partners as well.