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Relationships

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Original poster

Can a new relationship be too sexual?

32 replies

Smithey885 · 16/04/2025 20:52

I’ve started seeing someone, who is lovely and ticks an awful lot of boxes for me. It’s in the very early stages, ( 6 weeks ) and so far things are great.

We both have a high sex drive, which in theory is great, but hers seems to be hyper high, like she wants it ALL the time, even waking me up in the middle of the night.

I don’t think I’m complaining as I love sex and the sex is fantastic, but I’m worried that the sex is taking over the basics of getting to know each other and it’s becoming our primary focus.

it’s not casual on either part ( as far as I’m aware) so we aren’t FWB but I’m worried if we carry on like this it might become one dimensional?

we are seeing each other 2 nights a week and have date nights, but it probably equates to 5 or 6 times a night/evening when we are with each other.

So my question…is it possible to have TOO MUCH sex in the early stages of dating?

OP posts:

overweightteacher · 17/04/2025 00:55

Nope I think this is fairly normal to start with (although maybe not the middle of the night! Make sure your date nights are out of the house so you get some time to talk before going to bed.

GetMeOutOfMeta · 17/04/2025 01:32

Enjoy it while it lasts! IME they go off after around 6 months and you'll be lucky to get it twice a week.

Elferbowton · 17/04/2025 01:41

Fishing for comments? Of course it isn't unusual, my new partner and I have sex 27 times a night when we aren't together and he snores a lot.
Can't even remember his name right now.

Voyager54 · 17/04/2025 06:54

This is the fantastic honeymoon period which most people with a high sex drive go through, enjoy while you can.

Original poster

Smithey885 · 17/04/2025 08:23

Elferbowton · 17/04/2025 01:41

Fishing for comments? Of course it isn't unusual, my new partner and I have sex 27 times a night when we aren't together and he snores a lot.
Can't even remember his name right now.

How is asking a genuine question fishing for comments?!

to the others that answered sensibly, thankyou!

OP posts:

Gymbunny2025 · 17/04/2025 08:27

Have you really never had this in a new relationship before?! Including the waking in the night!

I think 6 weeks is too early to say this is a relationship though but fingers crossed!

WinterFoxes · 17/04/2025 08:35

I'd be massively pissed off if someone disturbed my sleep to demand sex. If it bothers you, let her know. A sign of whether this could become a deeper relationship is how someone responds when you express a need that doesn't match their want.

Dery · 17/04/2025 08:35

5-6 times a night would be a bit much for me but there’s nothing wrong with it if you’re both happy with it. It’s likely to cool off a bit over time. As a PP said, make sure you have dates and time together outside the house so you can fully get to know each other.

Also, make sure contraception is covered and as watertight as possible. I came of age when HIV infection was still an almost certain death sentence so all sensible people used condoms so the man was as responsible for contraception as the woman. I also doubled up by using a diaphragm.

Reidwood · 17/04/2025 10:22

Embrace it full on…wherever whenever….turn the table on her, you demand it out of blue…it’s early on in relationship but yiu need to show you’re the one up for sex more than her….
is there any underlying issues that you finding difficult to keep up?

FortyElephants · 17/04/2025 10:31

As long as you also spend time together out of the bedroom then enjoy it. If you don't want to be woken up though then you should say so - I think that is pretty poor but maybe you don't mind it. Your sex life will change over time but that doesn't mean it will be worse.

Original poster

Smithey885 · 17/04/2025 17:25

Gymbunny2025 · 17/04/2025 08:27

Have you really never had this in a new relationship before?! Including the waking in the night!

I think 6 weeks is too early to say this is a relationship though but fingers crossed!

Not recently due to what i've been through in the last 5 years! I don't really remember how it was prior!

@Reidwood absolutely no issue in Keeping (it) up!

OP posts:

DiamondEyes976 · 17/04/2025 17:27

Can’t you go and ask on Reddit? What brings you to mumsnet specifically?

Original poster

Smithey885 · 17/04/2025 17:36

@DiamondEyes976 if you don't have anything helpful to say, don't say anything at all.

OP posts:

DiamondEyes976 · 17/04/2025 17:39

Smithey885 · 17/04/2025 17:36

@DiamondEyes976 if you don't have anything helpful to say, don't say anything at all.

Why can’t you answer the question?

Original poster

Smithey885 · 17/04/2025 17:50

DiamondEyes976 · 17/04/2025 17:39

Why can’t you answer the question?

Show quote history

ok, sure.

First and foremost i come onto here for advice, helpful, advice, which admittedly I/men don't always get.

My OP was a genuine question and i fail to see how it would or should provoke a response such as yours.

What brought me to MN specifically was the help and support i received when my fiancé was diagnosed with Breast cancer in 2017 and later passed away in 2019. The help and support I got was lovely and I guess i just kind of stayed on the forums trying to help others to repay the help and support i received.

What brings you to mumsnet?

OP posts:

DiamondEyes976 · 17/04/2025 17:54

Smithey885 · 17/04/2025 17:50

ok, sure.

First and foremost i come onto here for advice, helpful, advice, which admittedly I/men don't always get.

My OP was a genuine question and i fail to see how it would or should provoke a response such as yours.

What brings you to mumsnet?

Show quote history

What brings me? I’m a mum. Who the website is aimed at, funnily enough.

I don’t know why a man would come here to post about sex. That’s why I asked. It was a genuine question.

Crushed23 · 17/04/2025 18:31

For goodness sake stop derailing the thread.

Back to the OP, it all sounds perfectly normal for the first 6 weeks. I’m around 3 months into dating someone new and having more sex than I’ve had in a very long time. I’m just enjoying it because I know this kind of ‘new relationship energy’ doesn’t last.

Original poster

Smithey885 · 17/04/2025 18:37

Thankyou @Crushed23 . that’s reassuring to know! I will embrace it rather than worry about it.

have a lovely weekend everyone.

OP posts:

Idontjetwashthefucker · 17/04/2025 18:41

DiamondEyes976 · 17/04/2025 17:54

What brings me? I’m a mum. Who the website is aimed at, funnily enough.

I don’t know why a man would come here to post about sex. That’s why I asked. It was a genuine question.

Show quote history

I'm not a mum, am I allowed?

loveforautumn · 17/04/2025 18:48

I swear every thread i read someone is being bitchy. Women are awful.
OP if you and her both enjoy it then I don't think there's a problem, if you think it's too much and taking time away from other things maybe mention something to her?

loveforautumn · 17/04/2025 18:48

KidsDoBetter · 17/04/2025 18:51

To answer your question @Smithey885 as a human, a mum, someone over 50, someone in a relatively new relationship. No, I really don’t think it’s an issue unless either party feels under pressure to have sex when they don’t feel like it.

As others have said, the honeymoon period often involves lots of sex. Enjoy it! Don’t overthink it unless that’s literally all your gf can talk about / do.

The bf and I still have sex in the middle of night if we both wake & fancy it. It’s a beautiful thing. Wishing you happiness and he glad you and your new partner have a high level of sexual attraction.

One thing that did happen to me, was because I had come from a long, sexless (not my choice) marriage is that I was a bit over sensitive the first time my bf indicated he wanted to go to sleep not have sex. Daft I know! But he talked about it and he understood and of course I did then realise that he wasn’t about to go off me & descend into a sexless desert … 3 years after that point we still have loads of sex. But both of us feels free to say if we aren’t up for it 😃

User37482 · 17/04/2025 18:51

Nah, it’ll probably calm down eventually, I’d enjoy it if I were you (as long as you enjoy it, thats the main thing).

I had sex at 3am the other day and I’ve been married for ages. As long as you are both keen I don’t see the problem.

BobbyBiscuits · 17/04/2025 18:54

It's common at the beginning to have lots of sex. I'd say if you've both got a high sex drive then there's no reason it can't continue, though people get settled. Then often complacent and things die down a bit further down the line.

As long as you're comfortable with things then just enjoy it. But never feel pressured to do it just because it seems 'expected'. People's sexual desire and sex drive can change a lot, temporarily or progressively.

Just keep dialogue open about what each of you want and desire.

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