I wish my boyfriends mother would stop treating him like her man

[Pray4me4]

We have been dating two years he is a 40yr old male only child. I don’t know if it’s the constant calling and texting or random pop ups or just the fact that I feel like she’s trying to be his life partner ( emotionally financially… yes financially) he makes money & works but she’s trying to start a business with him and everything. Shouldn’t he start a business with his future wife? Save his credit for this future family with me he speaks of. Just went on a 5 day vacation for MY birthday & she texted and called the whole time. We get back, haven’t even been here 24 hrs and guess who’s already over here running her mouth. I’m over it. I would never ask anyone to choose between a parent & their partner maybe I should just step away cause it’s just too much for me I shouldn’t have to compete with any other woman. What should I do ?

The first thing to do is talk to him about it and explain how you feel. Ask him what you want, for example, uninterrupted time together.

I don't rate your chances given he's 40 and speaks to his mum several times a day but you can try.

Step away.
He is not 14, he’s 40.
These two are emeshed and trying to get them to be any different is a waste of your time.
You have had two years of this already and as she gets older it will get worse. She will require more care and attention and you will be further sidelined.
Not sure if you are planning children with this man but I would run for the hills.
Been around someone like this. He’s in his sixties now and him and his mum really are like partners now. They are together every day, he rings her about 5 times a day, and goes on holiday with her. She says she would be lost without him. He’s never married or kept a partner because it’s too much. I am just a family friend so it doesn’t affect me but it’s really unhealthy when you see it in action.

Step away

Throw him back to mummy. It’s weird that she can’t give him space.

I don't think it's a massive issue to start a business with his mum, if that's what he wants to do, but the rest of it sounds claustrophobic.

I would step away now before you progress the relationship further. This won't change.

If you push him away he'll resent you, she'll blame you and make your life miserable. If you have children with him she'll be all in your business. And when she's old and in need of care it will be your job and he'll move her in. Just walk away now. He likes this or he'd stop it

This has actually reminded me of my ex. Also an only child in his 40s.

He would always do things that I would class as special with his mum and never me. While he was still great with me she came first.

She would take priority on his birthday meaning any plans with me were a day or two later.

The whole of Christmas he would spend with her. They would also always go to pick a fresh Christmas tree and decorate it together and I wouldn’t be invited.

The phone calls and check in texts didn’t bother me so much.

Nothing wrong in keeping in regular contact with parents but your boyfriend's Mum sounds overbearing and way too much. By all means talk to him about your concerns but honestly, I don't think he will see anything wrong in her behaviour, and probably be shocked by your attitude!! If you don't get any joy from talking to him, then I'd end the relationship. If it's like this now, how will the future be? Worse. His Mum's behaviour won't get any better, as she ages she'll become even more clingy. If you have children with him, she'll ramp up the overbearing behaviour.

What’s his relationship history like? Makes me wonder if she’s ruined all previous ones for him too

Walk away. They are enmeshed and she will
never let him be his own person. You will always come second to his mother. Failure to
launch is a phrase that comes to mind re him.

My DH only child as well. Close tp his mum but they have healthy boundaries why I'm happy to bring her on holidays with DH and DC. She always sides with me if we have got an argument about something which is nice:). Then again I'm always the reasonable one ofcourse.
Seriously their relationship would give me the ick OP.

How old are you? If he wants kids you all should start soon .
But if he is like this at 40 he is not going to change . Is she nice to you?

I had a long term relationship with a mummy's boy, until I was so heartily sick of the whole situation that I bailed. You will never be a priority. He will never feel the way about you as he feels about mummy. Plans will always have to be run past mummy first...etc etc. Get rid and find happiness with someone who will put you first.

Failure to launch and failure to release!

I know a mother/son dynamic like this in my wider friendship circle. Totally enmeshed, go on holiday together, out shopping, you name it. He's a similar age, and has had a whole succession of relationships that last around 3 years each.

I guess they get cheesed off with it in the end, and give up.

I have a friend with a ds, only child and l can see this situation whwn he grows up - very intense relationship.
Awkward one op but can't see it changing

This is exactly how my MIL and BIL are and he's in his 60s (she was only 17 when he was born , so not only in later 70s) .

The act like 'partners'. She's so unhealthily involved in his life to a really strange degree. There's no boundaries, he tells her absolutely everything. She still treats him like a child. They go out and do everything together like a married couple. Keys to each others houses, just walk in with no greetings. It's so so strange.

But the oddest thing Is - they're both totally and utterly blind to it. They cannot see that the relationship is unhealthy and enmeshed. To be fair, she was like it with my DH before we got together. Tried a few times to undermine me and make life hard, but we got there in the end.

I'm curious to how and why this seems normal to them ? I'd love someone to shed light on it !

To op: I would run. Mummy's boys do not make good partners if they can't extricate themselves, and most don't.

Run! Don't look back.

”I wash my boyfriend had better boundaries with his mother”

fixed that for you.

It’s for him to make the change. If he hasn’t by now, then I’d throw this one back.