Expose Affair?

[trustedfriend]

I know someone whose husband is having an affair I am 100% certain & have no doubt as I know the ‘mistress’. Should I let his wife know? I would have to do this anonymously as I don’t want to lose the close friends we have. I think I would want to know if I was his wife.

Only if you can give her irrefutable evidence, or he’ll most likely weasel his way out of it. The problem with being anonymous is it can often be lied away by the cheater. But yes, if it were me I’d want to know.

Yes. Include enough information to prove.
Name, photos,places, times for her to be able to witness if she behaves like a detective.

This is so difficult. I would want to know, but not anonymously. Why can’t you speak to either the wife directly?

Be prepared for her to hit back at the messenger and doubling down on her cheating husband.

Is it your mother, sister, SIL etc?

What do you think you’ll achieve by being the messenger’?

Are you prepared to loose that relationship if they prefer not to know?

I would absolutely want to know but not anonymously, I would feel like this anonymous person is getting a kick out of telling me because I don't know them or their motivations, I would even think it could be the OW trying to force the situation.
You need to have cast iron proof and tell her in a situation that is suitable, her home, when she hasn't got work straight away, kids are not there etc.
You can be there for her and give her support.
Being anonymous and telling her is actually betraying her as well, what will you do if she comes to you for advice? Act surprised as if you didn't know?
She deserves honesty from her friends, her cheating shit bag of a husband is doing enough deceiving.

Yikes, that’s a difficult one
If I were his wife I think I would want to know though
If I got an anonymous letter it would make me feel very paranoid though and every person I was in contact with I would wonder if it was they who sent it to me or even if it was just someone shit stirring and there was nothing behind it

Why two threads on the same (fundamental) issue?

I was told anonymously many years ago that my then partner was cheating on me. The problem was the person had no real concrete evidence, other than the fact they could tell me he has a scar on his back. It proved zero, if someone had seen him shirtless in the back garden, they would have seen it!! I spoke to him, and he laughed it off, and because there was no actual evidence presented to me, I took his word for it. Of course further down the line I discovered he was indeed a cheating rat, and I was stupid to believe a word out of his mouth! Unless you have absolute proof, as in evidence to send her, then he will weedle his way out of it, just as my ex did. You can't tell someone their partner/husband/wife is cheating without evidence. Having a suspicion, or half a story is not evidence and that's what you need, regardless of anonymous or not.

Collect evidence

Unpopular opinion maybe, but I'd stay out of it. Likely to backfire on you in some way, she may already know but is choosing not to address it. Frankly, I've got enough of my own problems (haven't we all?) without involving myself in other people's.

This.

Plus the fact that no matter how much you think you know, an outsider never knows the full circumstances.

How close are you? I'd go to her wjth the predicament. Id ask if she would want to know. I woildnt do it anonymously though. Id put my name to it. It could come across as bitter, twisted or a liar. He will wriggle out of it. Unless you have photographic evidence etx..something she can check herself.

I don't think it's fair to do it anonymously.

If the OW is your friend, then you don't have to like what she does, but you do need to choose either loyalty to her anyway, or end the friendship and speak up.

I don't think creeping around trying to keep her friendship while stabbing her in the back is appropriate.

I’d stay out of it. I don’t know what the desired outcome would be but lots of people seem happy/more comfortable turning a blind eye to this and by forcing her to confront the issue it will likely backfire on you

Tricky situation. How close are you to the wife? You could try to understand if she would like to know by bringing the subject and ask her what SHE would do in yoursituation and why.