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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

OLD pen pal?

11 replies

Oreocake24 · 16/04/2025 00:24

Hi ladies

I’ve been speaking to someone from OLD for around 2 months now. He’s currently living at the bottom of the UK whilst I’m in the middle, he said he’s moving back this way (we matched when he was this way visiting family).

initially he said he was moving back this way soon, so talking for a couple of weeks didn’t seem like a problem. This it got to around a month and I thought hmm, then by the end of the second month I decided to call it a day and say that enough is enough. I asked if he was coming this way anytime soon to arrange a date and gave him dates that I was free, he said he’d let me know and then found excuses for every single one of the dates.

we’ve spoken on the phone lots for a couple of hours at a time, and from what I’d got to know of him and including looks, he seems like my perfect man.

however, in my opinion if someone was that bothered then they’d make the effort to go out to at least see if we like each other initially in person and whether it’s even worth continuing all the texts. I’ve suggested meeting half way but he says no. He says he really likes me and don’t want to lose me but then does absolutely nothing about it.

im a ‘actions speak louder than words’ person. I’ve explained to him that I want someone who is going to be present and make themselves available at least once in a 2 month period to meet up and I’ve explained that I’m calling it a day and if he wants to take make out in the future he can let me know.

my friends think I’ve made the wrong decision and should have just carried on texting until he took me out but I could be waiting months at this point.

have I made the wrong decision by ending it?

OP posts:
Dogaredabomb · 16/04/2025 00:25

No, you're correct.

AmazingYou · 16/04/2025 00:37

Agree. I think he liked the attention but didn’t actually want anything and would have wasted your time.

ThisIsMyYearToFindMyself · 16/04/2025 00:39

People like this take your mental energy and attention and you miss out on noticing people who are nearby, wanting to meet in person.

100% you did the right thing.

Oreocake24 · 16/04/2025 00:42

@AmazingYou Yeah I think he likes the idea of me!

@ThisIsMyYearToFindMyself - totally agree. I’ve naturally found myself not even trying with anyone else which is a shame as good people may have slipped through the net.

lesson learnt I won’t be making this mistake again,

OP posts:
AmazingYou · 16/04/2025 00:50

Definitely and it’s nice to have someone attractive to speak to and text and have a bit of a flirtation with, it passes time and keeps you company and I suppose some men are happy with just that but if you’re looking to build a real life relationship then you need someone with a bit more oomph about them in terms of meeting up, it’s no reflection on either of you, it just sounds like you’re looking for different things.

outerspacepotato · 16/04/2025 01:16

Don't let him move in.

Gymbunny2025 · 16/04/2025 07:00

He’s probably married and keeping you on the hook for the next time he’s in your town

Lurkingandlearning · 16/04/2025 08:39

I think @Gymbunny2025 nailed it.

A lot of people insist on meeting within the first two weeks, which is smart for a few reasons. If the chatting stage goes on longer than that, I think engaging with several potential dates is a good idea

superplumb · 16/04/2025 11:07

Gymbunny2025 · 16/04/2025 07:00

He’s probably married and keeping you on the hook for the next time he’s in your town

Was going to say the same thing

Bittenonce · 16/04/2025 17:17

You made 100% the right decision. He either can’t be bothered to make the effort - he just enjoys the attention - or he’s looking for a bit on the side if he’s in the area. He’s not your perfect man.

Oreocake24 · 16/04/2025 21:33

Thanks ladies. Glad the consensus is that I haven’t lost the man of my dreams… lol

OP posts:
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