Shift Work Dilemma

[BySnappyDreamer]

My partner decided a few months ago that he wanted to change his career and this involved going from a 9-5 to a rotating shift pattern. The shift pattern being 1 week nights, 1 week lates, 1 week days and 1 week off.

For the entirety of our relationship (10 years) up until now we have worked similar hours. I was quite clear from the beginning that I was not keen on shift work given the impact on quality time in a relationship, yet he continued with such job application and secured the job anyhow.

He has much more job satisfaction and his pay has increased, yet the two consecutive weeks he works nights and lates we are like passing ships in the night.

I work up the city 8-6 and the shift work has taken a toll on our relationship.

whilst I am unhappy now, I also have concerns over the future - We both would like a child in 3-4 years. With me working a high-stress job, his now rotating shift pattern, I fear having children will be a significant challenge - being ships in the night whilst raising a child. Has anyone had a similar experience?

I love him dearly, however being told this shift pattern will be in place until he retires (30+ years) is terrifying.

I have explained how I feel to him and he tells me I am purely selfish and being ridiculous.

Asking for advice!

I think it’s a tough one but having a job that is fulfilling & that you enjoy is so important, I wouldn’t begrudge my husband that & I know if I decided to suddenly take a job with those shifts he wouldn’t hold it against me either. You spend so much of your time at work, if you can find a job that you actually are satisfied by then life is so much easier. But, if it doesn’t work for you then you are allowed to leave a relationship for any reason.

On the kids point, to be fair, I know some parents who have actually found having a shift working parent to be great. It means that rather than having 2 parents who are both always available/unavailable around the typical 9/5 hours, you have parent availability covering a much bigger chunk of time. Especially once you’re talking nursery/school age, my friends husband works these shifts (days/lates/nights/off) and it means that actually 3 weeks out of 4 he is able to pick their son up from school and spend at least a few hours quality time with him so they don’t need after school clubs and dad gets that time, it also makes childcare for school holidays less of an issue because 2-3 weeks dad is available. When baby is poorly and can’t go to nursery/school it’s not such a stress of who is going to take the hit at work because 3/4 weeks, dad isn’t working those hours so can cover it. It definitely has it’s positives.

That’s a gruelling shift pattern! I don’t think he can categorically state that he’ll be doing that for 30 years. It takes its toll the older one gets, in a few years he may want to review that lifestyle for health reasons. He may become disillusioned with job. Perhaps if promotion is possible that may mean more day shifts? The organisation may change the pattern to something more work/life balanced in the future. Nothing is set in stone so the future may not be as bleak as you think with any luck

DH works permanent nights. It has positives and negatives! He does the school run every morning and afternoon, which is great both financially and that DC have their dad there. His shift pattern often means he is off on weekdays, which is great for appointments and errands etc. I am very independent, so like time to myself and enjoy the nights he is at work.
The negatives are that socially it means I often can’t go to things because I’m home alone with DC. Or he is missing for couples things at friends houses like BBQs and I am there alone with DC. We are constantly looking at the calendar for when we can do things.

I have worked a shift pattern like that since my eldest was a baby. It gave me so much more time to be able to go to assemblies, sports days, school runs etc