Am I being insensitive

[SouthernGuy]

Me and my gf have been going through a rough patch recently and I’ve been feeling pretty insecure about our relationship. I asked my gf if she fears losing me, as I’m terrified of losing her & she spun it on me and said I am insensitive as she lost a family member last year.

have I been insensitive, or am I within my rights to ask this question?

Your ‘rights’ are not the issue here. She hears ‘losing someone’ as involving death because of her bereavement. Neither of you is unreasonable.

That’s a very odd question to ask your partner. Nothing to do with being ‘within your rights’ (which is also an odd way to phrase things - there’s no relationship bill of rights).

Team Girlfriend, I’m afraid. Why are you feeling so insecure about your relationship?

I think it’s a reasonable question and she’s gaslighting you a bit rather than engaging in what you’ve asked

You’re going through a rough patch and that’s made you feel insecure, I don’t think it’s insensitive to ask about her feelings on how she was to feel if you weren’t there. If she couldn’t care less then you know the relationship is done. She was maybe a little sensitive to the question.

I don’t like the terminology of ‘losing someone’.

It can mean bereavement, yes.

Talking about a partner, it’s as though they are a possession rather than a person with free will.

If you want a stronger relationship, work on it. It’s an active process, not something that arrives from the sky and can disappear as easily.

Two people meeting each other’s needs, making each other feel good, enjoying time together.
Pay attention to that rather than questioning her about how she feels about you.