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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I asked my husband for a divorce

6 replies

ravyn · 14/04/2025 21:15

My husband and I have been together 8 years with 2 children. During my second pregnancy he cheated and I found out about it at 7 months. He cheated with a co worker that he constantly came home talking about. I was suspicious because of how much he talked about her and when I said something he looked me in my face a lied saying she’s just a coworker.

A couple months after finding out about him cheating I foolishly took him back. His behavior has changed,but a part of me still did not trust him 100%. Last week I told him I just could not let go of what he did and it still hurts.Because of this I have to walk away. He ended up leaving and when he returned home I started finding school notes that our oldest makes at school about how much he loves dad and he has the best family.

These are notes he will bring home for us that he kept in a box. He is still planning family outings and acting like things are ok. I have been taking space from him and he’ll follow me telling me “not to make this miserable for us both and come spend time with your children who are my children also”. I just want away from him right now. He can see his children but it is hard for me being around him especially with him acting like everything is normal.

He told me he could stay with family which is fine with me I’ve asked him to get his things. It’s been a week and he has not packed a thing. The other day he told me he slept in his car. I honestly feel like he’s trying to guilt trip me and it’s so annoying.

OP posts:
Imbusytodaysorry · 14/04/2025 22:05

Have you spoke to a solicitor ? It doesn’t seem like he is taking you seriously.
Either get legal advice or talk to him one last time about a proper plan for him to leave.

zeibesaffron · 14/04/2025 22:16

Hold firm he has disrespected you and been a complete prick - he wasn’t thinking of you or your children when he was having his affair. So don’t fall for any of his crap now - if he is sleeping in his car - that is a consequence of his behaviour, not yours.

See a solicitor, arrange proper access to the children, get your finances sorted and finalise the separation/ divorce.

lovemycbf · 14/04/2025 22:26

Tell him to move in with his former affair partner.
seriously though if you decision is really what you want stand firm and don’t be guilt tripped by him
move on and try to have minimal contact with him

Maitri108 · 14/04/2025 22:54

You're in a very difficult situation OP because every instinct is telling you to keep your family together.

However, you've got no idea if this is the first time he's cheated or if he'll cheat again. What you do know is that he's capable of it and can lie to your face.

He should be bending over backwards to sort out the relationship but instead he's trying to move on as though it hasn't happened and manipulate you into letting him stay.

You might find the forum Surviving Infidelity helpful.

savethatkitty · 14/04/2025 23:05

No words of wisdom but I'm sorry he's a dog.

S0j0urn4r · 15/04/2025 00:02

zeibesaffron · 14/04/2025 22:16

Hold firm he has disrespected you and been a complete prick - he wasn’t thinking of you or your children when he was having his affair. So don’t fall for any of his crap now - if he is sleeping in his car - that is a consequence of his behaviour, not yours.

See a solicitor, arrange proper access to the children, get your finances sorted and finalise the separation/ divorce.

Pack his stuff up for him and leave it in the shed for collection. He is dragging his heels expecting another chance.

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