If your 50’s with school age children..,

[Yesmaybe]

How do you find it? A question for those who have experienced it? This is hypothetical but fairly recent relationship, partner who is younger and would like children. I already have children. I am over 40 he is not. I’m at crossroads everything is good. But we need to want the same things going forward. I guess the baby/toddler stage goes quick and tiring. But 50’s and school run? Do you feel worried if your the oldest parents there? Is your child ever aware of it? Having teens and being late 50/60’s how do you feel? I’m guessing for some people it makes you feel younger/others tired etc? I always felt I might have more but completely aware it may not happen naturally and maybe through adoption etc.

Not weird at all. I have an Irish heritage (my dad is Irish) where having kids carried on until you couldn’t was normal but quite honestly a lot of them died.

I was, in 1998, described as an Elderly Primigravida by the obstetrician. I was very offended at the time. As I said, it’s not a term that was applied when I was 42! Things have come along a bit I think. My Mum was 29 when she had me in 1969 and that was considered positively elderly. However, she was a model and had a career to consider and quite right too!

I’m 50 and have two kids in primary school. I’m not at all unusual in my area.

That said, older mums tend to be a bit of a middle class thing. It might be more unusual elsewhere

I’m 53 and my youngest child (I have two) is 12. I’m OK with it, financially stable, fit and healthy and loving it. My other one is 13. Not exhausted or regretting it lol

My DH is mid 50s with young DC (I’m a bit younger). He was fit and healthy when we had them, but it knackers him a bit now. It’s made him a bit irritable in some ways because I think he’s too old for it really. He’s a man though so that might play a part.
He doesn’t stand out on the school run, a lot of parents are the same age. Most in 40s and 50s.

It’s all fine IF they’re fine.

Personally from what I know now, I wouldn’t do it.

💯 supportive of being an older mum (wouldn’t be for me personally but each to their own)

what I do think you should consider though, is any increased risk factors and the impact that could have on the baby. It’s not about whether you could cope with a disabled child, but whether they could cope as a disabled young adult without you.

if you have a support network then great, but if you don’t and there is a chance you could leave them alone and struggling then it’s a different story. But only you know what is right for you and your potential child…good luck to you in whichever you chose ❤️

My husband is 55 and our youngest 15 - keeps us young and my husband has never mentioned it being an issue

In my area you would probably be mistaken as a grandparent. That's not to say don't do it, but just be prepared for it. Most people I know have had their children in late 20s, early 30s. There are exceptions of course.

My parents are not yet 60 and have pre-teen and teenage grandchildren.

My dad, late 50s has also had a family with his new partner and now has a 13yr old. He's really noticed the difference in being an older parent with them, even compared to his 19yr old, he said it was much tougher, physically and mentally.

None of the experiences here can tell you what to do OP; it has to be the decision that's right for you. You've already done this once so you know the landscape.

I was 45 when I had DS, his dad was 55. I wasn't the oldest mum in that reception year. Six out of seventeen were 40 +

It's more important how you act than how old you are. In my 50s I was happy to run, swim and cycle with my DS and his little friends. I was careful to maintain my fitness so I could keep up and join in. I run sponsored runs for the PTA when asked.

DS didn't really notice I was any older than the other mums until his mid-teens and by then it didn't matter.

His dad less so, but only because he refused to get involved. His age wasn't the problem, ex was just lazy.

Now I'm 61, DS is 16. It still isn't a problem, still swimming and practising martial arts with DS. I still run and cycle, try to maintain the same level although I am getting slower.

We have a good relationship. DS knows very little will phase me, and he's calm and secure. I think that part of parenting is much easier when older.

If you're over 40, you may it very hard to convince.

If there's a big gap, there may be a chance that he leaves you for someone he can have a child with. It's not so straightforward as have/don't have a child.

My parents were 40 when they had me in the 70s - I didn't notice when I was younger, but the generation gap felt wide when I was in my teens.